Wait For It | a Hamilton fanfiction | wattys 2017

Chapter 137

"Um, I just want you to know that I came out to my sister."

Jessa's heart sunk a little bit. Trying to avoid her friend was admittedly exhausting, but Jessa knew that there was no good way to get around the issue at hand. Now that Lana had come out to her sister, Jessa had no idea what to expect. It worried her a little bit. The Lana issue was stressing her out more than she thought. And she knew that to most cast members, she looked like the bad guy.

At the same time, she was still trying to support Lana without messing something up.

"That's great," Jessa said, a genuine smile on her face. "I'm glad. That's a good step."

Lana awkwardly shifted her weight from side to side.

"Did you want to talk to me about something else?" Jessa asked.

"That's all you're going to say to me?" Lana said, somewhat angrily. "'That's great' and 'I'm glad?' I did it for you, Jessa. The least you could do would be to react."

Jessa sighed deeply. "Lana-"

"I'm so sick of you not caring about this," Lana spat. "I'm starting to question if you really want this, because I seem to be the only person who's really trying to make this work out."

"I'm trying, alright? I'm trying not to ruin this friendship, and I'm trying to get you on your feet the right way. If I didn't care, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I would have told you to suck it up and get over your feelings, but I didn't do that, did I?" Jessa snapped. "You can't always expect me to drop everything for you. I really am proud of you for coming out to your sister, but you still have a long way to go."

"You're doing a crap job at trying not to ruin our friendship."

"You changed the rules of our friendship when you secretly crushed on me for months, Lana. We both need to realize that things aren't going to go back to normal."

"I just don't understand why you're making me do this. You're forcing me into a situation I don't want to be in," Lana said angrily. "You're not even trying to help me through it."

"I would never be able to be objective, alright? I can't coach you through this. I'm too close to the situation. I don't want to be the reason that you came out. You need come out because it's who you are, not because of who you want to date."

"You make zero sense."

"Alright, I'm sorry," Jessa said after a beat of silence. She turned around. "I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be, Lana. Maybe this isn't what you want, and I can't do anything about that."

Jessa didn't look back, as much as she wanted to. And as she stepped into her hotel room, she could feel tears dripping down her cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jessa flopped down on her bed with a sigh. Carleigh looked up from where she'd been curled up on her own bed.

"Bad conversation?"

"You could say that again," Jessa groaned, shoving her face into her pillow. "I think I just ruined my friendship even more than it already was ruined."

"That sucks," Carleigh said. "I would give you some existential advice, but honestly I feel like crap. And if she makes you feel crappy, then just get rid of the source of the problem."

"That's not helpful, but thanks for trying," Jessa said, her voice muffled by her pillow. "Feeling better?"

"No."

"Why is everyone else so happy and I'm just here? I feel like the only one who isn't blissfully prancing around international cities."

"Sometimes good things take longer than you want them to," Carleigh said. "I've been waiting to feel better for a long time, but you know, that's how it is."

"Sick Carleigh is like drunk Carleigh," Jessa mused.

"No, drunk Carleigh is blissfully happy and 'prancing around international cities' like everyone else," Carleigh replied. She sat up. "Alright, I've sucked it up. Talk to me about whatever happened."

"Lana said something, and I didn't give her the reaction that she wanted, so she got angry and blamed me for stuff that was probably true," Jessa said. "Carleigh, do you think I'm doing this wrong?"

Carleigh sighed. "I don't know. I'm not gay, I've never had a best friend crush on me. But you're trying to protect her, and even if it's not working, that's what your intentions are. If you're not comfortable with what you're doing, though, then change what you're doing. But if you're just changing what you're doing because of what she says or what other people say, ignore them. Do what's best for you."

"How are you so good at advice even when you're sick?" Jessa demanded.

"I'm pretty sure everyone in this cast has prepared to give advice for this situation for a while. You two have been struggling with this for ages."

"Well, thanks, Carleigh. You should sleep now," Jessa said. "Do you want me to get you anything? Advil, or soup or something?"

"No," Carleigh answered. "But you'd be a good girlfriend. Just saying. You take care of me well and you're not even in love with me."

"Go to sleep," Jessa told her friend, laughing a little bit.

"Maybe I should infect Lana and force you to be her caretaker," Carleigh mumbled.

"Your phone just dinged, Carleigh."

"Read it to me, I'm lazy."

"It says 'OBC get-together before the show onstage,'" Jessa read.

"Ugh," Carleigh groaned. "Just send the okay emoji or something."

"It's done. Now, go to sleep. You have to do stuff tomorrow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i smell lana drama

ALSO THERE WAS A FIRE IN MY SCHOOL (NOT BAD AND NONE OF US WERE THERE) BUT WE GET A DAY OFF TOMORROW WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SNOW MAKEUPS SO THAT'S A WIN