Penny For Your Thoughts? [unedited]

c h a p t e r • s e v e n t e e n

•••••••••••••• chapter seventeen •••••••••••••

My heart was beating fast as I walked away, suddenly regretting this whole night. Parker kissed me, and I kissed him back. My whole relationship with this kid has been getting rockier since the start.
Or...
Maybe I was overreacting about all of this. Maybe I could turn on my heels and walk right up to him and—

No.

No, that's wrong.

I barely know him or anything about him.
Besides, how can I have a relationship with someone when this college is kicking my ass, not to mention the boys would too if they found out.

Oh God, the boys. I wonder if they saw me.
I'm dead, I am so dead! They'll kill me.

I furiously wiped away the tears in my eyes as the song ended and the crowd clapped. I let my hands guide me through a sea of people as I made it back to the table area. I kept my eyes on the ground, which in hindsight wasn't a good idea because I ended up crashing into someone.
I look up to see the hard chest I bumped into, and my eyes went wide.
Benny grabbed my shoulders to keep us both from falling over.

"Woah, P, where's the fire?" He chuckled. It took a moment before he saw my puffy red eyes and instantly flipped into overprotective brother mode. His smile quickly faded and I could feel his grips on my shoulder tense up.

He grabbed the side of my cheeks and turned my head in several directions, making sure I wasn't bleeding or bruising.
"What happened? Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you? Who—"

"Benny!" I snatched his hands away. "Please not now, okay?"
I tried to walk away before he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Penny, slow the hell down! Tell me what happened."

I sighed, knowing there was no way out of this jam. He'd go to hell and back to get me to spill. There's no use in trying to delay the inevitable.

"Everything is happening so fast. I just— I can't keep up." The words fell out under a chuckle, and I couldn't meet his gaze.

"What?" Benny's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

I don't know to make sense of what I'm feeling. It's like I want to like Parker but there is some deep asshole of a monster inside of me that's telling me that it's not a good idea.
Maybe my brain knows it's not just about Parker.
Maybe it's about how fast I was thrown into a life I didn't want. Maybe it's about Wadlington, and the classes, and the people constantly whispering whenever I enter a room.
It just seems like the past 2 weeks have been so rushed and adding a rushed relationship into the mix would only make everything worst.

Everything around me is going warp speed.
I feel like I'm running in slow motion and if I can't keep up, the world will move on without me.

I wipe more tears from my face, knowing it was no use.