More Than This

I'm Ready

It has been the longest six months of my life. We buried Josh, we testified in court against that lunatic, and I had to undergo therapy - both physical and mental, at that.

The bullet hit my right chest near my shoulder. It nearly grazed a major vein, but I guess it's not yet my time. I had to go to undergo physical therapy. But far more painful is the mental trauma of the event, the whole stalking thing, the sudden loss of a dearest friend, and worse, the what ifs that plays in my head over and over.

I really did not expect it, but Harry has been my major source of strength. He was with me in all my therapy sessions and more importantly, he stayed with me and our kids. Harry practically redirected his career, so to speak, in order to accomodate my needs, our family's needs. He canceled tour plans and guestings. He told Jeffrey that he needed some time to be away from it all, and focus on his family first. He did however promised that he will be back in time, when he's ready and when we're ready to live our normal lives again.

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"What are you thinking?" Harry steps closer to me as I stand by the window with my head pressed on the glass, staring at the Manhattan skyline. 

"Everything and nothing,"I sigh.

Harry takes my hand and pulls me close to him. "Come here, baby." He  smiles. I willingly wrap my arms on his torso. I bury my face against his chest. Something about his smell calms me down. He pulls me as he walks backwards till we reach the couch. He settles lying down sideways, while I lie down facing him, my head resting on his arm. He wraps his arms around me. Our legs tangled together. "Take it easy, love. Remember what the doctor said. Don't overthink. None of what happened is your fault."

I nod my head in response. I know, I wanted to say. But sometimes, I just can't help it.

Harry hums the song "Once Upon a Dream" as he gently runs his fingers up and down my back. It is the quiet moments we have, like this, that fills my heart with the much needed joy to erase the bad memories.

"Harry, do you think it's a good time for us to travel out of the country?" I ask him. I have no idea how his schedule is and if he is even ready to be seen with us. The possibilty of us getting papped is very high. The incident that happened has been caught by some news agencies, due to social media, but Harry's or Niall's management did not say anything about it except that they cannot comment on anything because of legal matters. Good thing no one pieced together the puzzle on how everything is connected.

"Where do you want to go?" Harry asks.

"Somewhere tropic. I want to go to a nice beach. I'm thinking Maldives. What do you think?" I sat excitedly

"That's nice." He responds, not matching the enthusiasm I have. "But you know that going away will not magically fix things, right?"

"I know." I whine. "I just want an escape."

"Love, you need resolution, not escape." Harry the Philosopher rebutts. "You know that wherever you go, Josh's memory will forever be with you. And with that comes with good and not so good memories."

"Yeah," is all I can say, because he is right.

"I just don't want that you will be expecting a trip to help you forget. Because it won't, love." Harry kisses my head. "But ok, I'll arrange something."

"Really?" My eyes light up and I prop myself up with my elbow and I look up at him.

Harry is smiling. "For you love, I will do anything."

My heart lurches. "But what if we get papped?" I just had to ask, hoping it will not ruin the moment.

"Fuck the paps." He laughs. "I honestly don't care anymore. I have come to accept that you and the twins are far more important than my career. It's about time that it makes the adjustment. I'm done with sacrificing us for it."

God, I'm ready to marry this man.