More Than This

My Family

I wake up and stretch my arms to check on the twins, but I grasp on nothing but sheets. I squint my eyes to check the clock and it's 8am. My door is slightly opened and I can hear the twins laughing and giggling.

I walk into the kitchen with Harry in an apron, cooking pancakes and bacon.

"Morning babies!" I say, as I give each of them a tight hug and a lingering kiss.

Xander holds on a bit longer. "Mommy, I love it when Daddy is here to cook pancakes. It's fluffier than the ones you cook." He whispers in my ear. I give him an exxagerated frown. He grabs my cheeks and pulls my face closer. "But I still love you more, Mommy." He assures me. His bedimpled smile and charming ways reminds me of his Dad a lot.

"And this is for my Queen, buttered toast, with extra butter, that is bad for her health." Harry laughs as he serves the plate infront of me. "I'm steeping tea, I'll give it to you later." He gives me a quick peck on the cheek. The twins giggle.

All four of us shared food and laughter at the counter. This is our first morning meal together. Hopefully the first for the rest of our lives.

Our chatter and laughters got silenced when Harry's phone rings. He looks at it and he ignores it. It rings again, this time he puts it in silent mode, but the phone keeps flashing. I don't feel good about this. "Just take the fuckin call, please. Whoever that is might already be dying to talk to you." I whisper to him, so the kids won't hear it. Then I left and walk over to the sink. I see him talk over the phone in our small patio outside. He looks upset. Whoever that is, and I have a strong feeling about it, just ruined the moment for me.

It's a good thing that the kids and I have to leave the house soon. I need some time out from Harry. We did not talk about the call. He never mentioned it so I didn't push for it. We have a 10am appointment to one of our choice schools. They need to be there to be tested for preparedness, but I know they'll be fine. The twins can already read by age two, which they most likely got from me. Their pedia tells me that the twins actually are more advanced in language skills, compared to their peers. You know how they say kids take their intelligence from their mom and their looks from their dad? That's pretty much on point with Zoe and Xander. So those times that Harry and I were apart, the twins were daily reminders of him, like he never really left home. He was always there in my mind, or heart, for that matter.

"Are you kids ready to go?" I ask the twins while I put Zoe's hair clip. Xander still is being helped by Harry in tying his shoes.

"Mommy, why is Daddy not going with us?" Zoe asks. I look at Harry who is finishing off the laces of Xander, he's not saying anything.

Xander looks at me and says, "he has work, right Mommy?" I nod in response and Harry chuckles.

"That's right, son." Harry says. "Daddy needs to work." He hugs Xander and kisses him on both cheeks. "But Daddy will be here when you come back. And I have a surprise for you, if you do good in your test." Xander smiles widely and hugs Harry. Zoe runs towards them to get her own hugs and kisses.

Of course how can Harry come with us? He can't out himself that way. This is actually one of the reasons why Harry and I need to talk. We need to sort out how we are going to handle the twins going to school. They will be four when school year opens, and I strongly believe that they need to be in a formal school by then.

The twins carry my last name, Collins instead of Styles. We agreed to that, to protect the children and also we were not married anyway. But if they start schooling, sooner or later, it might get blurted out that Harry is their father. That, is what we need to prepare for.

——————

"The test went well!" I messaged Harry.

Yes! So they passed?

Of course! Better yet, they were detemined to be eligible for 1st grade, can you believe that?!!!

Whoa! Good job, Mommy!

But we need to discuss this first. The developmental psychologist suggested that we weigh out everything first. They might be mentally prepared to be 1st grade but they still are emotionally just babies still.

Ok. Btw, Mum and Gemma are flying in today. They will arrive this afternoon. I'm finding a hotel for them.

Don't be silly. They can stay at my room or the twins' just like before. The twins would love that. I already told them and they're screaming now!

What about us? Where do we sleep 😜

You can sleep on the couch. 😂

Oh, you like that couch 👀

🙈🙈🙈

Btw, We need to talk.

Why? Oh, I know why.

Oh. Ok. See you later.

Love you! x

Love you!

I wonder if Anne and Gemma's visit has to do with our "need to talk". Shit. I hate surprises.

——————

The kids are exhausted by the time we went home. I asked Harry to meet me at the car park to help me carry the twins, both are asleep. After the test, they asked to go to the toy store because I promised them I'd buy them one if they do well in the test. Both wanted to get digital games but both Harry and I agreed they can't have any gadget until they are old enough. Xander ended up buying a Lego set and Zoe a Sylvanian house set.

Harry carried Xander in one arm and all our bags in another while I carried Zoe. Harry is so adorable when he is being a Dad to the twins. A side of him that very few people have witnessed.

We lay down the twins in their beds. "They grow up so fast," Harry says as he wraps his arms around me. Both of us staring at our sleeping kids. "Can't they just stay babies forever?" He says as he kisses my temple.

"True," I sigh. "I hope we be good parents to them." I say, but I also wanted to say, "whether together or not" but I left that unsaid.

"I love you," he whispers to me. His arms tighten at my stomach. "Thank you for taking care of our children. And for raising them well even if our circumstances aren't that normal."

"Normal, is overrated." I say laughing. "I wouldn't trade my family for any normal circumstance." I air quote "normal" for emphasis. I have long accepted this.

"I love the sound of that," Harry turns me around to face him. "My family." He says smiling. "I love you so much that I will do everything to protect you, Zoe and Xander, remember that." His looks so serious.  I wonder what is going through his mind. 

"So, what is it that we needed to talk about?" I ask, his expression changes. Before he even opens his mouth, I already knew what he would say. Her.