More Than This

The Inevitable

Photo not mine 😊 but I imagine Zoe and Xander looking like that. 👀💚

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"Mommy, Mommy! Wake up! Daddy is coming!" I wake up to the repeated chants of the twins who are all wide awake and jumping on my bed. Although I may have been rudely awaken, disturbing my much needed Zs, I do live for days like this. I have been travelling so much lately that any situation where I breathe the same air as them is much appreciated.

"Mommy!" Zoe giggles. "Grandpa said that Daddy will be coming home today!" She says while squishing my face. I smile at her seeing how excited she is to see Harry. It probably has been a month since he last saw them.

Xander, the other twin snuggles close to me. "Mommy, will you be here when Daddy visits?" He whispers. "Please stay. I know Daddy misses you."

Shit. I think I heard my heart break a little.

It has been more than a year since I have not seen Harry. Well technically, I have seen him in Skype calls he had with our kids. But to be physically present with him, it really has been a long time.

Harry just had a break from his work, I think, and he said he would come over and spend time with them. But I suspect he would also like to talk about formal arrangements, with regard to the custody of the twins. They will be turning four soon and will already be going to school. We have to agree and be clear on what happens henceforth.  When they go to school, the dynamics will all be different, they will now be exposed to a lot of strangers. His identity may be known and no one knows about us except a few people.

After I gave birth to the twins, our relationship had been seriously tested. In between his new phase as a solo artist and my corporate responsibilities, we lost a lot of time for each other.

Of course, the circumstances were hostile to begin with. Harry belongs in an industry where image is prime and fakeness is encouraged. I despised the fact that we had to keep our relationship and the twins a secret. In the beginning it was manageable, but when the kids started growing up and there's a need for them to connect wih the world, it was harder and harder for us. This led to a lot of bickering, which probably led to the ultimate demise of our relationship.

In retrospect, many of our arguements were really petty. But when you have a lot of small things to argue about, it eventually leads to bigger things and before you know it, it consumed us. I just realized one day, it's all gone. All the happy feelings and love we supposedly shared just became less and less, till it disappered. Both of us just drifted off.

It has been more than a year since we got in touch. And now, the thing that I consciously avoided the most, happens. I was supposed to leave for overseas but my parents had to go out of the country for a medical check up because Mom is now undergoing alternative medication. I now have no choice but to face the inevitable, Harry.

Despite our falling apart, Harry, has always been a good father. He not only makes sure the kids are secured, he gets in touch with them often. He makes it a point to contact them regulary. His family, Anne and Gemma visits often, and calls every week. We would have wanted to visit them, too, but the risks for them to be exposed are just too high.

When the twins passed the terrible twos stage, I made myself more active in work. I took consultancies and guest lectures that made me travel more often. These added to our, Allen and I, running the family's global ventures. Work became my refuge. The more I was busy, the less I think of Harry. So far, it is serving its purpose.