More Than This

My Constant

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It has been 21 days. 21 days since Allen and I abruptly decided to just go home and take the red eye flight to LA. I called up Molly then and explained that I had to leave in a hurry. She pressed me for answers why I had to do so, because it is so not me to decide that way, but I told her, that story is for another day. I gave her instructions on how my stuff will be sent out to LA. Spare keys are with her anyway

Going home to LA made me want hide and just hibernate away in my room but Allen being the pushover that he is, forced me to get up and get out every single day. Allen philosophizes that the quickest way to take the pain away is to just distract yourself. Of course, the sensible person in me does not subscribe to this, but I will do it anyway. Masking the pain is much more better than dealing with it.

Allen is my cheerleader. He makes sure everday is a day to be alive and kicking. He drags me to go and eat out, shop for new stuff and even to the spa and salon. We even had our hair and nails done together. Something that will be memorable for me for years to come.

Coco Chanel once said that woman who changes her hair is about to change her life. He is right!  My long hair is now a pixie cut. I had it dyed a lighter shade. Allen decided to have his dyed the same, we are twins afterall, he insisted.

Allen and I never felt so close than these past days. I am thankful that Allen had the patience to be with me and lift me up. At least I know there will always be that one boy that will be a constant and would always be there for me, no matter what.

I recently got an offer to guest lecture at a forum in UCLA and I gamely accepted it. This is the break I need from my drama. 

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Being in the university never fails to excite the nerd in me. The vibe I get from a full-packed auditorium excites the butterflies in me and my hands get a bit sweaty. I'm smiling but I'm nervous as hell in the inside.  Good kind of anxiety.

As soon as I step on the stage, I feel myself transform. This is the rush that i love. That overwhelming feeling that you are reaching out to people and hoping you'll make even an iota of difference in their lives. Every laughter I hear and nodding heads I see from the audience serves as a cresendo of fulfillment in me.

The lecture ends and i see people approaching me. I get thank yous, congrats, and even requests for selfies from some. This is my celebrity moment, however minor it may be.

When the last person finally leaves and it's time me to fix my things. While putting my laptop inside my bag, I get this weird feeling that someone is staring at me. I turn around to check. I'm greeted by a "nice to see you here."

It's James, from our SV office. "Oh hi, I didn't know you're here." I smile at him.

"You left without saying goodbye," he says like he's entitled to an explanation.

I chuckled and raised a brow while looking at him. He laughs in response.

"Yeah, I got offered an acting job here in Hollywood," I explain while controlling my laughter. "I have to go into fulltime acting."

James' brows furrowed as he stares at me. "Oh, since you obviously haven't started with your filming yet, maybe you can fulfill your promise of going out with me, for dinner, remember?"  He gives me a full on smile.

"Sure," I gamely replied. Going out is what I need now. He smiles and looks surprised that I quickly agreed to it.

I am craving for sashimi and tempura, so we decided to go to a Japanese resto. After eating all the salmon sashimi I wanted, we decided to go to a cafe to while the time away.

I get to know how funny James is. He is quite witty and very animated when he talks. He made me laugh all through out the evening. We even shared a snort or two. I like hanging out with guys like him, where I do not need to pretend to be anything but me.

I had been laughing so hard that I have tears in my eyes. I am wiping them when I see James stop and stare at something behind me. His face looks surprised and his mouth opened and closed, without saying anything. I turn around and see Harry standing behind me. Our eyes meet and I am surprised to see him here.

"I knew it was you," Harry smiles at me. "Your laugh, I heard it from the other table, I just knew it was you.  But when I looked over, I thought I was hearing voices," he chuckles. Oh  shit. Do I laugh that loud?  "I didn't recognize you from a far. You changed your hair," he says while keeping his stare on me. "Then when I heard it again, I just had to come over, and yes, it is you," he says like he just discovered gold or something.

I am at lost for words. Didn't I just had a freaking heartbreak episode from this guy? Alex, you have moved on, I tell myself. Moved on? My innerself laughs. You haven't been anything but friends, Alex. Friends with benefits. Wait, have we even been actual friends? My mental self is getting crazy.

I fake cough to distract myself from my mental battle. I introduced Harry and James to each other. James looked a bit like starstrucked. But he did manage to stand and shake hands with Harry.

I invited Harry to join us, just to be polite, but I didn't expect that he'd actually join us. But he did. Pulled a chair and sat next to me, where he rested his arms on the back of my chair. Damnit Harry.