the darkness inside us ; multiship

seven

Her voice is high, her face is narrow, her hips are wide...she has boobs. He never would've known if she hadn't said anything.

Quinn swipes the screen, and the next picture is of her and a small blonde girl sitting on a park bench and talking animatedly. "I think you can guess who this is."

"Jordan?"

Another nod. "We grew up together. I met her in the park when we were eight years old on a pretty bad day, and we've been best friends since. She was all I had. My mom...she wasn't supportive of me at all. She left my dad because he was willing to accept me and help me transition when I was old enough. She's the reason for a lot of my depression, actually. That, and dysphoria. I couldn't start hormones until I became a teenager and it really sucked until then. It sucked after, too. I had a lot of issues with not passing and I used to be really insecure about it." She sighs. "Jordan got me through. She saved my life. But she didn't have it easy either. She's got bad depression and anxiety, shit she's struggled with her entire life. Being teenagers...god, that was fuckin' awful. But trust me, when we say we know what you're going through, we're not kidding. We've dealt with it all."

"I don't..." Alex's head is spinning. "I don't know what to say..."

"You don't have to say anything," Quinn assures him. "Just listen. We both knew we always wanted kids, but...I can't physically carry a child. I've had the surgeries to transition from male to female, but a uterine transplant isn't in the cards for me, unfortunately. Jor...we looked into artificial insemination, but it'd obviously have to be Jordan who carried the baby, and she..." Quinn swallows hard, reaching for the small silver necklace she's wearing and gripping it tightly. "She couldn't stomach the thought of carrying anyone's child other than mine. Even if the sperm donor was anonymous, she didn't want to. And who was I to force her?"

"It almost destroyed us. I hit the lowest point I've ever been at, beyond rock bottom. I was so suicidal because I felt so guilty. She wanted a baby, and if I hadn't had the surgeries...if I'd been less selfish...I could've given her a child that would've been both of ours." Quinn forces a smile. "I tried to kill myself, and that's when we realized how bad this was. We talked for weeks, after that, and in the end decided to open Willow Park."

"We wanted to be the people we wished we had as teenagers. You guys...you're our kids. Some of the kids here have been here for over ten years. They've grown up here. We may not have biological kids, but you guys...you're so much more than we could've hoped for with that. We hear your stories and give you the support and help you need and try to show you that the world is more than the shitty childhoods you've had. And along the way, you guys fall in love and go through heartbreak and get the chance to be normal teenagers, because of us, which...I'm not gonna speak for Jordan, but for me, that's just as fulfilling as raising a biological child."

There are tears on his face and a lump in his throat. "You're doing such a good job," he swallows, "mama."

...

"Mama, please? I can't do this today. Please, just let me skip."

Jack bites down on his lip hard enough to taste copper, forcing himself not to cry. It's been a long couple of days. Things haven't gotten any better, and he knows that a group session, being forced to confront things he's trying so hard to bury, will only push him off the deep end.

"Babe, you know I'd let you if I could," Quinn sighs, placing a hand on his shoulder. "But I can tell things are getting bad again and I can't in good conscience let you skip the one thing that's supposed to help. You don't have to say anything. I'll tell Lucas you don't feel good and you can just watch. But you have to go."

Angry tears burn at the corners of his eyes and he turns away. He's crying and he can't stop it but that doesn't mean she needs to get a full show.