Raped

Chapter 36: Flashlights

He rushes over to hug me. I cry into his shoulder knowing I had brought up a part of our lives we both swore we'd never talk about again. But I can't keep it in anymore. With all that's happened it's like my deep, dark past is trying to tell me that I won't ever escape the hell of a life that I live. This is my very own personal hell.

~

"Ella?" Grayson knocks on the door poking his head in with a concerned face.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"I am now" I sigh.

"You were screaming. Are you sure you're okay? I'm here for you to talk. I'll always be here" he sits on the edge of the bed.

My heart tears at his words. I know he wants to protect me but he can't protect me from my past. I wish I could tell him but it's too much for me to bare. To have to relive all of those times over again, I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

"I know, I just had a nightmare. I used to have them all of the time until they stopped for a while. I think maybe all the stress is getting to me" I faintly smile trying to lighten the mood.

"Nothings been easy lately, I know that, but you need to take it slow. You're a mom. You're kids do need you. Every kid needs their mom. How about we all go out somewhere? You know, finally getting some family time in" he grins that big beautiful grin that's always made me say yes to him. No one could ever say no, I know I definitely can't.

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Great me and Ethan will get the kids ready and you can go tell Christian and you can get dressed" he squeezes my thigh before getting up to kiss me on the forehead and walks out of the room.

My heart flutters. I miss the contact and connection we had. We still have it but it hardly ever flames up like it used to. Now it's just sparks. I miss the flames. But I guess flames always start with sparks.

I get up and go through my clothes that say in my closet for the longest. Touching each and every material waiting for one to catch my eye. And one did. The dress Grayson bought me. My favorite dress. The top white while the bottom had a purple floral decoration.

It shows part of my stomach but to me my scars always felt like my story. It's a part of me. No matter how hard I try it will always be connected to me. Always. I can't run from it. I can't hide from it. Because it is me. It's always been me.

I pull it off the hanger and put it on. It fits perfectly. Just like it did when I first wore it. I pull out my black Steve Madden heels. And put them on. Standing in front of the mirror I sigh. I feel the material not wanting to let it go. I pull a section of the side of my hair and braid it into three small braids. The rest of my hair remains as thick and blonde as ever.

"Ready to go babe?" Grayson's pokes his head through the door.

"Yeah, lets go" i try to smile faintly but fail.

Grabbing my bag I walk out the door and close it. They all stand there waiting for me.

"What?" I question.

They just stare at me. Not saying a thing. Just complete and utter silence. I furrow my brows. What is going on?

"Good to know my little sister knows how to clean herself up well"Christian laughs.