Raped

Chapter 35: Secrets

Many more.

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We all sit on the couch watching tv. The twins are asleep. And everything is quiet. And no one dares to change that. It is finally peaceful. Yet we can't help but think. I know Ethan is thinking of what will happen. I know Ella's thinking about the twins. I know Christian is thinking about helping Ella in any way that he can.

I'm not going to lie, he's smart. Like really smart. I honestly feel dumb around him. He's always using such a large vocabulary. I used to feel that way when I first started dating Ella. Her IQ has always been higher than mine. And not by a little but by a lot. My IQ being about 110 and Ella's around 130. While her not being as intelligent as Christian she has always been smarter than most. That's why she was accepted into Princeton before everything that happened. But she couldn't go. Not in the state that she was in.

I sigh breaking the silence. I get up and go to my room. I sit on the edge of my bed and drop my head into my palms going over all of my thoughts. I just sit there refusing to get up. A knock on the door gets my attention as Ella or Christina, pokes her head through the door. She smiles faintly only for it to fade away once she realizes I'm not in a good mood.
She walks over and sits next to me rubbing my back. I look into her eyes and she stares at mines trying to figure out what was wrong. But she couldn't figure it out, mainly because I kept it in so well.

"Babe, talk to me, please" her eyes plead as does she.

"There's nothing to talk about" I sigh removing my gaze from hers.

"Grayson Bailey Dolan, I have known you and loved you for too long for you to lie right to my face. I may not know what's wrong but I know something's wrong. We can either work this out together, or we can both be in the dark here" she sits in front of me forcing me to look at her.

I sigh not wanting to say anything. But she's right. We can do this together or alone.

"I don't like this. I don't like any of it. Not only the part of waiting. But mainly waiting for someone to play God with our lives. Not just yours. Not just mine. But all of ours. For Christ sakes Ella, or Christina, I don't even know. Who are you? Because I fell in love with Ella. But was she all just a lie. I still do love you. Ella or Christina. But it all just fucking confuses me. It confuses every part of me. I will always love you till the day I die but I'm just so tired of these secrets. You didn't even tell me about your past for years. YEARS! But you know everything about me. Every single detail about my life. Everything! But me? Oh, well I know nothing. I don't know anything about your mom, your brother, or your dad" I pause trying to take in a deep breath.

"I don't know anything. When will you trust me enough to tell me everything? Or will I have to hang on to a thread of your life hoping everything will turn out fine? Because I want to know you! I trust you! I always have. But it seems like you just don't seem to trust me. I've never hurt you. I've never lied to you. I've never cheated on you. I've never done anything to make you feel like you're less than what you are. But you. You've lied to me. You've kept things from me. You've always made me feel irrelevant in so many cases. For Christ's sakes Ella. Or Christina or whoever the fuck you are, I'm fucking madly in love with you but I don't know if you are too!" I yell.

She sits there shocked. Her eyes starting to water. I can see her trying to grasp for the right words to say. And finally she finds them.

She sighs, "I know. I haven't told you everything. Or even anything. Everything you know you found out the hard way and honestly I don't blame you for being mad. I would be too if I was in your position. And trust me there's lots you don't know about me past. About who I was. But to me that doesn't matter because I am with you. Now. And honestly that's the only place I want to be right now. And I do trust you. I always have and I always will. But my past is not a part of me that I like to talk about. It's always been hard. I've always had a hard life. Nothing has ever been easy for me. I've worked for everything I have now. And if that also means I have to work for you too, trust me I will."

"Remember when you first saw me naked?" She asks looking up at me with her bright green eyes.

"Yeah?"

"You looked at my scars as if you'd never seen a scar before. You tried talking to me about them. You tried everything you could to know how I got them and I refused to tell you. And now I'm pretty sure you think that that foul repulsive being for a man gave them to me. But your wrong. Not all of them are the ones he gave me. Certain ones. Like this one," I lift up my shirt to show him the largest one right underneath my breasts, "this one wasn't one that he gave me, or any of these," she points to more scars around her body, "he's only left me a few, these others were cause by someone else more disgusting and repulsive than him, he was someone I trusted and loved, but he broke that trust and love one day, and this, this is what he did to me. No, I'm not ready to tell you about him yet because that's a part of me you'll have to wait for for me to open up. Because that part of my life is more cruel than the part of my life that I was raped. But when I am ready, I won't hold back. I will tell you one day. But right now isn't the time. I don't know when the time will be right for me to tell you but I know it isn't now. But I need you to know that I will always love and trust you. I'm also fucking madly in love with you" she faintly smiles.

My eyes tear up. I look away not wanting her to see me cry but she pulls me towards her into a hug. I cry into her shoulder as she holds me. When I'm done crying she cups my cheeks in both her hands and looks into my eyes as I look deeply into hers. She wipes away a few tears from my cheek.

"I am madly in love with you, don't let my past let that ruin us. Because I won't let you ruin it" she smiles.

I cup her face in one of my hands and she lays her head against it. I press my lips gently against hers. The warmth and softness of her lips send electricity through the both of us. We lay our foreheads against each other's and stand there daring the world to come at us. Because we both know we love each other too much to let anyone ruin us.

***
What part of her life do we still not know about her yet?

Who else has given her scars?

Who else has broken her?

Why does Grayson have a hard time calling her Ella? Or Christina?

Why does Grayson not know what to call her?

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A/N
So I know I haven't updated as much as I'd liked, but still I'm trying. It's hard dealing with personal issues and everything that's been going on in my life. But I'm not going to give up on this story. Whelp it's 9:26 pm where I live and nearly 2 and a half hours till we open presents for Christmas. I'm Mexican so that's why I open presents exactly when it turns 12:00. Whelp. Merry Christmas and I hope y'all like this chapter.
Grayson and Christina are finally talking. YAY!