More Than This

All That Matters

He looks at me like I'm joking. But I'm really not. Being away will give us both the quiet we need. Him on his career and me for my well being.
"You're going away where, Alex?" He raises his brow. I remain silent. Harry's mood shifts. His patience seems to be wearing thin.

"I thought it would be best if you wouldn't know where." That's exactly my plan.

"What?!" He interrupts me. "What do you mean by that?" He raises his voice.

"Harry, let me have this baby on my own. I don't want to ruin your career with this hounding you. When the right time comes, we can talk about arrangements." I sound like a lawyer here but I sincerely believe that this will be the win-win situation for us.

"You're talking bullshit here!" Harry says, his face turning red. "Why the fuck would I agree to that? What about us?" He demands an explanation.

"Harry, do you even think an US with me being pregnant would make sense for you?" I throw him that question. I already thought about all these in my head. I know I am doing the most logical thing.

Harry looks at me and does not say a thing. He then hangs his head low, his hands supports his head as he stares on the floor. No words except for a loud "argh!" exhaling his unspoken frustrations then punctuated by deep breathing.

I put my hamd on Harry's back, caressing long strokes in an attempt to calm him down. "Harry, I know it is difficult. But maybe this is the only way you can go on with a normal life." I whisper to him. My own tears are now streaming on my cheeks.

Harry looks at me and shakes his head. "My life already is anything but normal! So can you just please shut up. Stop deciding on my behalf will you? I'm sick and tired of people doing that for me." He stands up and lets out another loud growl then punches the wall. I'm shocked. I have never seen him angry like this nor have I imagined he is capable of such.

Harry shakes his hand, visibly hurt from the stupid thing he has done. He rubs his hand on his injured one. He then walks out of the room.

I go to the ensuite to wash my face. I see my reflection on the mirror. Puffy eyebugs and red eyes add to the ugliness I feel now. I'm worried about Harry.

"Love!" Harry calls for me. I go back to the bedroom and see him with an ice pack.

"Are you alright?" I say to him as I sit with him on the foot of the bed.

"Baby I'm sorry." Harry apologizes. He gently knocks his head against mine. "I'm not angry at you nor am I upset wih our baby. It is not that." He sighs. I'm just very upset with my circumstances right now. I realize how who I am complicates a lot of things. And while I am genuinely happy with where I am now, I can't help but also feel that it is at the same time causing me unhappiness."  He says.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I'm sorry I got us in this situation." My crying gets in the way of the words.

"No. No, baby, it's not your fault." He wipes my tears. "Just let me be the man for now." He says to me.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I say defensively. Did I hear that right?

"Let me solve this. Let me take care of this." Harry says firmly. "I get it. You are a very independent woman and you don't like things being handed to you. You don't even want to be helped, even in the smallest gestures." He reminds me again.

Where's the lie in there? He knows me too well. Of course I feel stupid for being called out. But Harry is right. These babies are ours, not just mine and both our responsibility.

"I'm sorry for being difficult and self absorbed." there I said it. "You know how much I want to be in control. I just don't like getting hurt so I act defensively sometimes." An admission that I find hard to do.

"Just sometimes?" Harry teases me. "You do it all the time, love." He laughs. I laugh wih him on this one. A respite from our mood earlier. "But I love you, regardless." He says. "And I will definitely love our baby. It is my own flesh and blood. Remember this,  I would give anything, and I mean anything, just to make sure both of you are safe and secured."  If that is not love, I don't know what is.

"Thanks, love," is all I can say. But that meant a lot for me. A man who sees past my drama and loves me just the same is a blessing, and that I am really thankful for.

"I just really hope our baby takes on me instead. I don't know if I could handle another one of your kind." Harry says with a smirk.

"Uhm no," I curtly reply, wagging my finger at him. Harry face turns utterly serious and raises a brow on me, like he probably thinks my mood swings are getting worse every minute.

"Oh our baby wouldn't be like me," I say to him, raising a brow. "But our BABIESsss will. We're having twins!" I excitedly tell him.

Harry's face lights up like that of a child seeing presents in Christmas morning. That unfiltered look of  delighted surprise is all I ever hoped for. In my heart, I know, these babies will be truly well loved. And that, is all that matters.