Breaking The Bad Boy (Completed)

Chapter 58: Forgiveness At Last

Eventually I stalked into the bathroom and finally showered, detangling my hair and scrubbing myself until I didn't reek of sweat, tears and heartbreak. I stole some jeans and a hoodie from Chloe's wardrobe and didn't bother to look at my reflection. I knew my face resembled a pink, swollen fish from all the crying I'd done.

Silently, I crept down the stairs and slipped past the bickering couple, relishing the feeling of sunlight bathing my face when I stepped outside. Warmth rippled through my stomach because for the first time in three days I didn't feel so empty, hollow or dead. I still didn't feel alive either; it was more of a medium.

Slipping my hands into my pockets, I bowed my head and followed the opposite route to downtown, cutting through alleyways and speeding past Mrs Henderson's florist until I approached daunting, black gates. I caught a glimpse of a red sports car that had been hastily parked diagonally by the entrance, half on the sidewalk and half on the road.

With a deep breath, I wiped my prickling eyes, hoping to wipe away the aching throb in my chest but it remained, too stubborn to ebb away when a blond head appeared in my peripheral vision. I turned my head to the side, tiptoeing towards the angel statue as I passed the small gates that sectioned Taylor's grave.

Without my glasses or contact lenses, I couldn't make out any details except that the figure was clad in black skinny jeans, a tight white t-shirt and there was a joint in his hand, burning brightly as he took a long drag and craned his head to the sky, exhaling slowly as if all our problems could flutter to the sky and disappear like the curling smoke. I didn't know if I was disappointed or jealous that he could easily lose himself with alcohol or drugs.

What did I have to escape this painful, dreary world? Sleep? Because every moment spent knocked out always left me even more broken than ever.

"You know what I think Tay?" He chuckled in a raspy voice that made my entire body ache for his touch. With eyes still clamped shut, he took another drag and let it out through his nostrils. "If you were here right now, we could just drink to this fucked up world and laugh off all the bullshit we've ever been through together. I mean, what kind of twin leaves the other to drink alone?"

The bitter, drunken laugh that followed made a wistful smile tug my lips up and I felt the remnants of a broken laugh try to leave my lips. It was either I cry or laugh, and frankly I was done with crying so much. Suppressing a light choke, I watched him lift up a transparent bottle of vodka, eyeing the pink liquid and wondering if he mixed it with cranberry juice or some other pink beverage. He chugged down three mouthfuls before swiping a hand over his mouth and letting out an exhausted sigh.

"I tried to do something right for the first time since you died, but still, I feel like I've fucked everything up with her. Like big time." Tyler took another drag and started coughing. "What if she loses the plot? What if she just goes completely nuts and loses her grip on reality? I can't watch that...you know that I can't...Goddammit, I'm such a fuck up."

I should have announced my presence but I couldn't bring myself to squeak a word. A long silence fell, giving way to the rustling leaves and tweeting birds until he flung his eyes open and glared at the gravestone.

"Come on Taylor," His words came out in a slight slurr. "Answer me. I'm getting tired of doing the all the talking every damn time. Answer me!"

Another silence fell, this time more suffocating and I took a step forward, ready to reveal myself but freezing still when he raked a hand through his hair and pulled hard enough to flinch.

"I'm losing my mind again Taylor," Tyler craned his head to the sky and yelled in a angry tone that turned my heavy tongue into ash. "I'm losing my fucking mind!"