Chapter 58: Forgiveness At Last

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[A/N: Songs for the chapter:
- Ed Sheeran // Give Me Love
- We The Kings // Sad Song
- All Time Low // Therapy
- Daughtry // Battleships
- Gabrielle Aplin // Alive]

Three days had passed since.

I hadn't eaten in three days. I hadn't showered in three days. I hadn't slept properly in three days.

I was currently residing in Mona's room, taking up her bed and taking up her time since she refused to leave me alone for a fraction of a second. I didn't blame her because she knew everything now.

With Tyler gone, my friends refused to be left in the dark and like Taylor did three weeks after my tenth birthday, they pried the story of the tragedy out of me. Mona sobbed into her palms and had to leave the room and Blake...well he just paled and held my hand before pulling me into a suffocating hug. He picked me up and took me back to Mona's room, rocking me back and forth in his arms until I fell asleep but when I woke up screaming he was nowhere to be found.

I think Mona cried more than I did the first night but once she came to terms with everything, she just hiccuped mini sobs and gazed at me with the sympathy I spent years running from. My friends were treating me differently - like I was made of glass and unfortunately, that made everything so much worse.

After my argument with Tyler, he trudged away, shoulders slumped with a stony grimace, as he disappeared out of my life like I supposedly 'needed'. But I didn't need space, I needed him. I needed him to help me forget, to hold me, to numb the treacherous dreams that were seeping through my mind and leaving me with immense migraines. Now every time I napped, I woke up screaming and thrashing about. Just when I thought the nightmares couldn't get worse, they did.

Space, he called it. I was calling it a destructive hole in my heart that made me double over every few hours and sob hysterically, letting loose a strangled cry that made Mona jump until she let me soak her bed sheets through, rocking me back and forth until I passed out again. It was a cycle: wake up, cry, pass out. Occasionally I would crawl to the bathroom, but most of the time it was to throw up whatever Mona tried to forced down my throat, claiming that if I didn't eat I would die.

But how could I die when I already felt so dead?

Months ago, when Tyler took me to a diner and that cute waiter gave me his number, I remembered thinking what a ticking bomb I was. And right now, after the explosion, I was experiencing the aftermath. I blew up three days ago and my mother, my friends and my boyfriend were all suffering from the immense collateral damage. Mom kept pestering me to come back home but I really didn't think I could keep my shit together in a house with her.

Blake came to see me everyday after school, updating his girlfriend on Tyler's state as they whispered in hushed tones downstairs. They thought I couldn't hear them but I crept out of Mona's room and sat on the top step of the stairs, listening to every word and it made me throw up just to hear that Tyler was returning to his old ways again.

The first day he turned up to school wasted beyond belief and Blake managed to get him home before Principal Jenkins managed to catch on. The second day Tyler turned up higher than the Empire State, giggling like a freshmen who had just popped her cherry as he waved a joint around. He then proceeded to pick a fight with a random sophomore for looking at him, knocking the poor kid unconscious until Blake bundled him into his truck and yelled at him for an hour. Today Tyler didn't even bother turning up to school and Blake said he stopped by his house but Rosemary told him that Tyler already left for school.

Nobody knew where he was but I did. I wasn't stalking him or anything, but I knew Tyler better than anybody else and I knew exactly who he turned to when his problems threatened to drown him. It was the same person I always turned to. Whenever shit got tough, I'd simple grab my bike and cycle to my best friend. I mean, who could be a listener, than a girl who could never interrupt? I wondered, why was it that nobody ever bothered to check the cemetery? Besides residing at my house, there was no other place that Tyler hung out more besides his sister's final resting place.

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