Insecure

Stay close, hold steady 'cause I don't want it, don't want it to end

The Tide - Niall Horan

Life started to get back to normal, well as normal as it can be when you're a 19 year old high school senior with no family who's dating her therapist that happens to possibly having a baby with his ex.

Yes, Normal doesn't happen in this house.

The only three constants I have is Roxy, my painting and Harry. It's April now and I'm starting to stress out about my finals in next week, prom is the day after and honestly I could care less about it. I just want to focus on getting good scores so that I can try for a late entry into the college of my dreams. 

Over the last two months I've finished my painting of Harry, Mrs. Willows was so blown away by it she talked me into submitting it into an art show. Not the kind you sell at but the kind where the paintings are judged. I was nervous but she assured me that my painting would do well, I won't know until the Monday after prom how it did.

Roxy made a full recovery, you can't even tell she had been hurt. As far as Michael goes, everything has been quiet. We had no proof he was the one that hurt Rox so we couldn't press charges. Harry had noticed a car in front of his house time to time but he's been over at Ronnie and I's place most nights.

About a month after Michael's release Harry and I were out at the mall shopping when we saw him and Vanessa. They didn't see us, they were walking into a store while Harry and I shared a cinnamon roll. But what took me by surprise was that Vanessa was clearly pregnant, her hand rested on her small bump as they walk into a children's store. Harry saw it too, he reminded me that they are in my past and that I am the only one who controls my future.

Nathan has been doing really well, he dropped his fourth period and now meets with Harry everyday. We've started a new friendship, leaving what happened in the past and moving forward. It helps him to have someone like me, someone who knows what he's been through and someone who will be there no matter what. 

He and Ronnie were quickly becoming two of the people aside from Harry and Liam that I knew I could always count on. Surprisingly, Nathan and Harry have built a friendship as well which Liam was ecstatic about. He still has no clue who Lottie tried to do to Harry and I let alone Nathan and him. Emily has been a bit distant the last week, Liam says she's having some issues with her mom but I know it's more then that. She wouldn't pull away from me for something as silly as that.

Harry and I have been doing really well but the last few weeks have been a bit stressful, while we were out at the movies we ran into a few of my classmates. We were dressed up a bit so Harry had his hair down and a button up shirt just like he'd wear at school, after that we were paranoid that word would get back to Johnson especially after the last two near misses.

After that we stayed in together a lot which was even better in my opinion, Harry had respected my wish to take things slow so that's what we've been doing. We've gotten heated a few times here and there but haven't had sex since that night in the art studio, I loved knowing that our relationship was built on love verses lust. That we can be just as happy with each other even if we aren't underneath the sheets naked every day. I mean, not that I would mind.

"Does Wednesday next work for you Harry?" I ask my concerned looking boyfriend as he watches some soccer game on the couch in my room.

"Hm what?" He asks absently.

"You're not listening to me." I whine in frustration, Harry shrugs and I narrow my eyes at him before getting up and planting myself in his lap facing him.

"Hiiii." He smirks as his hands go to my hips, "What did you need?"

"Well since I have your full attention, they are having a gala for the artists entered in the show Wednesday. Come with me? Mrs. Willows has been dying to meet you." I whisper, Harry's eyes grow said and he sighs.

"Baby I don't think that's wise." He says and I look down in disappointment before climbing off of him. "Sara I just want to be safe." He says softly.

"You look so different with your hair up, it's really important to me."

"Sara I am not going to put our relationship at risk for some stupid art thing." He snaps and my eyes widen, as I back away from him. 

"Get out." I whisper, Harry's eyes snap to mine and soften. 

"Baby I didn't mean it, I'm just really stressed out because Lottie past her due date. She said they are doing a c-section next week if she doesn't go into labor." He saying huffing in frustration. 

"Normally I would understand that but you hate her." I retort narrowing my eyes at him, yes he's under a lot of stress but so am I.

"Are you saying I hate the baby too? Because if you are then I guess I should leave." He scowls as he gets up and gathers his things.

"Harry that's not what I meant." I say as tears threaten to fall, he stops and takes a deep breath before turning around.

"Look, you have finals next week and I'm really stressed out. I don't come to work next week because of finals so why don't we just take some time to ourselves, you can focus on finals and I can focus on whether or not I'm going to be a father." He suggests, hot tears begin to pour from my eyes and he sighs before walking back over to me and cupping my face. "This doesn't mean I don't love you or want to be with you Sara,  I do. We just both have a lot of our plates and I want you to be able to focus ok?" He adds and I nod softly, Harry tilts my face up and kisses my lips. "I'll come to the gala, just give me a few days." 

"I love you Harry." I whisper and he smiles softly.

"I know."