Insecure

Moon dances over your good side.

Two Ghosts - Harry Fucking Styles

"Do you want to grab something to bring on a walk since our cardio got cut short?" Harry asks as I gaze at the sun low in the sky out the car window.

"Sure, I'm pretty easy." I reply while a smile causing a blush to wash over his face. "I didn't mean like-"

"I know what you meant Sara but I'm a guy and we have dirty minds." He replies smirking as he pulls into a parking lot. "This is the best mexican food I've ever had." He says smiling. "Plus we can walk along the river." He adds.

Harry gets out and opens my door before leading me into the small restaurant. "Oh my fuck! They have Jarritos!!!" I squeal and Harry laughs. "Don't laugh at me, they are delicious! Especially the pineapple!"

"I agree." He says smiling at me. "Can I get 8 tacos and two pineapple jarritos?" Harry asks and pulls his wallet out to pay.

"I feel bad Harry, you bought my breakfast."

"It's fine love." He says smiling before paying the bill. Harry hands me the drinks and he grabs our bag then leaned me out the door and around the back to a path along the river. "Did you grow up here?" He asks.

"Yep, born and raised. What about you? When did you come to America?" I inquire.

"When I was 16, Louis and I had just finished our second year of college when we both got into UC Berkeley." He explains.

"I've heard that's an amazing school, you moved up here after college?" I ask and he nods.

"Yea, we met someone looking for a couple roommates and we were a perfect fit." Harry says shrugging as we continue down the path. We come to an old fishing dock that he leads me out on. "I come here to think a lot." He says thoughtfully before sitting at the end of the dock and looking out to the water. "It reminds me of home."

"I bet it's beautiful." I whisper and Harry looks at me curiously. "My family was very well off but we never traveled. I've never even been out of the state of California." I admit.

"No shit?" Harry asks and I nod. "Ok well I am taking you out of state then, maybe next month." He says smiling.

"Why would you want to do that Harry? You're my psychologist." I question him.

"Because I care about you Sara, I like seeing you smile." He whispers. "Plus it's not like I'm some creepy old man, I mean I'm not even four years older then you." He adds laughing. "You're an adult, you can decide for yourself if you want to come with or not." Harry adds shrugging as he pulls out a Taco. "Eat as much as you can ok? I'm sure I can manage the rest." He says smiling as I follow suit and take out a taco.

We eat in silence for the most part but it wasn't awkward or anything, it was actually really comfortable. I managed to eat two and a half tacos while Harry finished the rest.

"My dad used to buy these for my sister and I." I recall holding up the sweet Mexican soda.

"How much older is she?" Harry asks.

"She's 8 years older, she moved out when I was 10 and I barely saw her until after the accident." I pause as Harry gives me a questioning look. "She went to Harvard to become a lawyer." I explain.

"Why not an accountant for your parents firm?" He questions.

"That was up to her, she got to decide if she wanted it or not and when she decided against it I was automatically put in position to take over after college. I won't be taking over now but rather running it with my brother in law." I go on.

"But what do YOU want to do?" Harry asks.

"I don't know, paint maybe? I stopped after the accident." I reply softly. "What about you? I know you wanted to be a psychologist because of your sister but was there anything else?"

"My photography, honestly I don't know if I'm cut out to be a psychologist." He says sadly.

"Well I think you're a great one." I whisper nudging my shoulder against his.

"You're just biased cause I'm yours." He teases with a smirk.

I'm yours.

Why did that have my stomach flip flopping?

There were a few minutes of silence, Harry was chewing his lip trying to figure something out. "Will you tell me what happened that night?" He whispers softly.

"You read the folder, you should know already." I reply.

"I want to hear it from you Sara." Harry insists.

"No. You'll try to tell me it wasn't my fault, you'll try to convince me that I didn't cause it." I snap.

"I won-"

"Yes you will Harry! To you I'm some innocent little bunny rabbit that can do no wrong but I have. I've done so much wrong." I sob finally breaking down another wall. "No one knows what it's like, to lose both of your parents just minutes after they told you that you were a mistake. I hear them tell me how disappointed they were in me over and over again, I hear their screams and cries. I did that, no one else and no one else could possibly understand."

"I can." Harry whispers with tears in his eyes. "My parents were getting a divorce and I hated it. I was 12 when my dad left, I told him that I hated him. That he was nothing to me, that he was a coward for turning his back on us. That was the last thing I ever said to him Sara." Harry explains.

"What happened?"

"They found his car near a bridge and his body two days later." Harry whispers. "It took me years to understand that it wasn't my fault he killed himself, that the notion was already in his head. I just regret so much but in the end it wouldn't of changed anything." He says softly.

"Thank you for telling me." I say as I lean my head against his shoulder.

"It took me a long time to remember what it felt like to have a heartbeat Sara, I just hope it doesn't take you as long."