Insecure

I've already seen the bottom, so there's nothing to fear

I Am Here - Pink

"With the evidence that you have along with what I have should put her away for a while at least, she's stolen over a hundred grand from me which is a felony. If we team together I'm sure we can get blackmail and possession of child pornography with intent to distribute charges to stick as well." Harry points out, "I just want to wait until after the baby is born, even if it's not mine it's innocent. You can't choose your mother." He adds shrugging and I nod.

Nathan and Harry continue talking while I just listen, I can't believe how alike Nathan and I are. Both victims of sexual abuse, both basically blackmailed into protecting the ones we love. What surprised me was the compassion and forgiveness Harry was showing Nathan, it was beyond generous. After the bell rang to signal the end of the school day Harry and Nathan exchange numbers, "Let me know if you need anything alright? Even if it's just someone to talk to." Harry says as he grips Nathan's shoulder softly, he nods before turning to me.

"I'm so sorry Sara." He whispers and I hug him gently.

"I would of done the same thing in your shoes Nathan." I assure him after pulling away and looking into his golden brown eyes, he looks as if he wants to say something but decides against it before given us a tight lipped nod and heading out the door. 

Harry turns to me, takes my hands and looks down at them. "Do you feel anything for Nathan?" He asks and I furrow my brows.

"What?"

"I'm asking if you have feelings for him Sara." He says, his green eyes peering into my blues. "It's ok if you do, he needs someone right now and-" I couldn't take hearing him continue, it wasn't Nathan that I wanted.

It was Harry, it's always been Harry and will always be Harry.

I grip his collar and pull him down to me so I can kiss him passionately, Harry freezes at first but soon his hands make their way to my hips where he holds me in place. "I love you Harry, I have no feelings for him other then friendship." I assure him after pulling away, Harry bites his lip and looks down before running his hand through his hair. 

"How do you feel about all this?" He asks.

"Numb, overwhelmed... Just so many things." I sigh as I pull my the roots of my hair. "Honestly I just want to go home, be alone and paint."

"Then that's what you should do, I'll take care of Roxy and you go take care of yourself." He suggests as he pushes some hair behind my ear. "You'll need to drop us off of course."

"You don't mind?" I question and he shakes his head. 

"I understand that you need some time to soak all this in and painting is not only theruputic but it's also your passion. I will never keep you away from what makes you happiest Sara." Harry says softly and my heart soars.

"Thank you Harry."

**

Harry insisted I take home my lunch that I never got a chance to eat, after dropping him and Roxy off at his place I turn up the radio and drive across town to mine. Ronnie wasn't home so I changed into my painting clothes, grab a few black canvas and start slinging paint. 

I was angry, angry at Lottie for being so fucking manipulative and destructive. Angry at Nathan for not speaking up earlier but I understand him at the same time, angry at Harry for not forcing me to hear him out before I fell deeper down the rabbit hole. 

But most of all, I was angry at myself.

Lottie is just as bad as Michael if not worse, how did I allow her to weasel her way back into Harry's life? How did I let her twist the reality into what she wanted me to see making me push Harry away? 

I'm angry at myself because I can't come to terms with my daughters death, angry because I won't allow myself to open my mind to the possibility of having children. Especially with Harry.

At some point my tears mix in with the paint creating an amazing ripple effect, it inspires me so I lay out the four different sized canvases on the ground and I continue to paint one large picture of a drop in the water and the ripple effect. Strokes of blues, greens and whites swirl together as the canvas lines blur together.

"Holy shit Sara." Ronnie's voice sounds behind me, I feel his chest against my back and he wraps his arms around me as I continue to sob. "Shhh it's ok, you're safe." He whispers into my hair as I turn into him and bury my head into his chest. "Just let it all out love."

I don't know how like we stayed like that, at one point I just ran out of tears. "Sorry about that." I whisper as I pull away.

"Hey, you alright?" He asks as he wipes some paint off my forehead. 

"Yea, just emotionally exhausted." I sigh as I look at his now ruined clothes, "Shit I'm so sorry Ronnie, your clothes-"

"Don't worry about it, well actually.... I know how you can make it up to me." He says smirking, "Go clean yourself up and dress warm, I want to take you somewhere." He adds and I go to argue but he holds his hand up to stop me, "I won't take no for an answer." He says with a wink before leaving the room.

After standing my paintings up I step back and look at them, holy shit these are actually really good. I had never done anything like it before, I can't wait until they dry so I can glaze them and hang them up.

Once I walk into my bathroom I strip out of my painted clothing and hope into the hot shower, it feels good to not only wash the paint but the day itself away. After drying off I pull on my bra, panties, some thick leggings, long sleeve shirt and a long cozy sweater that hits me just at the top of my thigh. I toss my hair into a loos side braid before pulling on a warm beanie, scarf and my knee high boots.

"Would never guess you were just covered in paint." Ronnie teases as I walk into the living room, he was bundled up in a heavy sweater, some light wash skinny jeans and converse. "Grab a few of those blankets." He says as he grabs a box of alcohol, I furrow my brows but do as told and follow him out to his car. 

"Where are we going?" I ask after climbing into his expensive car. 

"Up to the lake, some of my artist friends are having a bonfire." He says smiling, something about him reminds me so much of Harry. Something about his tells me I can trust him. "Where's your pup?"

"She's staying at Liam's tonight, I just needed a break. Today has been crazy." I sigh and he nods, we make small talk on the short ride up to the lake, it's so much closer living on this side of town so that's a plus. 

Ronnie pulls up to a large gathering of cars, we see the faint glow of the bonfire in the distance and smell the heavenly aroma of BBQ. "Thank God that storm blew over fast last night." He muses before jumping out and grabbing the box of booze, I follow suit and grab the blankets before following him down to a table set up next to the fire. 

He says hi to a few people and introduces me as Sara, his roommate. His friends are nice, one guy made me a bit nervous though. He would get really close and ask some pointless question then brush up against me and act like it was an accident. Ronnie senses my discomfort, he grabs a blanket and leads me down to a bench next to the fire. "Sit." He says patting his knee and I furrow my brows at him, "Please Sara, you don't have a dick so I'm not interested. However Creepy McGee back there was, if you're sitting in my lap he'll leave you alone trust me." He reason and I roll my eyes before sitting on his lap awkwardly, we're handed a plate of delicious food that we share. I nurse a cup of some fruity concoction while Ronnie drinks beer, Ronnie is telling all of us a joke and it's absolutely hilarious.

I burst out laughing as I look up to him grinning with his dimples on full display, he winks at me and wraps his arm around me more.

"Sara? What the fuck?"