Getting Along

40. Year

All I ever felt was exhausted and sad.

First off, the trial has been going on for almost a month now and was way too prominent in the media for anyone’s likings. It was on TV for some stupid reason. People tweeted about it, wrote articles about the days findings and split up, trying to decide who’s fault this all really was—mine and Niall’s or Eileen’s. I missed Erin’s mom’s funeral because of this; Niall’s birthday was sucked dry of any potential fun because of this.

We learned Eileen’s psychotic plan: she was using Frank’s money that he’d given her for her rent, and some money she stole from him as well, to pay off the hit men. At first the goal of the break-ins was to just hurt me enough so Niall felt what she did when she lost her daughter. But then, after the second break-in, while I was in London, and I snapped at her during a phone call—it clicked in her head that I had to go. Apparently hurting me wasn’t enough to get her point across to Niall. I was supposed to die in the fire.

It was awful hearing these things out of someone’s mouth. I asked to leave the courtroom as she said it, but they wouldn’t let me. So I just sat there, staring at my knees and watching my glasses fog up from the tears I was fighting back.

Eileen’s lawyer was trying to get Eileen a lesser punishment because of the emotional distress and mental estrangement that Niall apparently caused her. Once information about the pregnancy and Niall’s anxious daily calls to her about paternity test was out, it seemed like everything shifted.

At first everyone was saying Eileen was just a jealous woman looking to pin the loss of her child on someone. But after Eileen’s lawyer cornered Niall with the questions, some of the jury’s opinion of him changed. They said although Eileen’s mission to kill me was unjustified, her reasoning behind it was clearly one ignited by Niall’s cruelty. And because there had to be a consensus, the issue was dragged out.

Eileen’s lawyer called Niall a cheater and sex obsessed and an alcoholic—and that ultimately flung Eileen into depression. When Niall was on the stand, her lawyer hammered him with questions about his mindset while he was cheating on Eileen, why he stayed with Eileen when he wanted me, his feelings after he found out the baby wasn’t his and whether he cared what Eileen felt and, finally, how he reacted to Eileen losing the baby. It went on forever and brought back old, burning memories that make my throat hurt.

When I was on the stand, I was asked why I didn’t stop what Niall and I were doing back when he was with Eileen, how I reacted to the pregnancy. The main thing in his argument was that I was the reason behind Niall’s carelessness towards Eileen, because I, just like him, didn’t care about what she felt. That wasn’t true though—but of course, no one listened to me. Eileen was brought up too and of course she was only asked questions that would make her seem like the good guy—nothing about the fact that she also cheated on Niall. Alec was their surprise speaker and talked about how depressed and distraught Eileen was when she heard how happy Niall was to not be the father.

I hadn’t seen Alec in years and I’m not even surprised that the first time I actually see him again, he was testifying against me.

My lawyer was better than hers—hands down. I was fucking paying him enough. He flat out called Eileen’s lawyer out for looking past important facts about Eileen. My lawyer spoke about how she was a malicious person in the time I’d known her, always making me her target for humiliation. The Alec thing was brought up…in front of my parents and on camera. Brice and Liam were called on loudspeaker to speak on my behalf. Her hit men were called to the stand as well.

After a month of debates and trying to recall memories to answer questions and being on the brink of tears, the trial finally seemed to be coming to a close today.