Getting Along

54. Molly

I didn’t sleep very much last night, but for once it wasn’t out of fear. Despite my resistance days before, my fear melted away with Niall this close to me. Before, I thought letting him touch me would only trigger flashbacks because that’s what happened when he reached for me. I’d see his hand coming towards me, and I’d see Gabe’s face, then want to run away; I’d want to be too disappear just to get away from the vision.

But now that I’m against Niall, I realized he wasn’t triggering anything—he was blocking it. There was no way he was doing it on purpose. He doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time, but somehow he ends up helping me more than any hospital therapist or talk with Mom could do. Even when I was barely talking, he did the right things though he said he was lost. He was so much better than he knew.

The sun was starting to come up. I turned on my side to see it’d snowed a little last night. How Christmas-y. I’ll have to call Maura and tell her about it—she loves Christmas. I wondered when she’ll be able to come over here to celebrate with us.

“Hmm,” I hummed. Maybe the three of us can go to Ireland next Christmas. I moved my hand to my stomach, lightly rubbing my fingers over my skin. Usually my skin wasn’t so soft, but I’d become obsessed with it since I found out I was pregnant. Kim Long says I have to stay moisturized.

Niall shifted on his side. His mouth was slightly open and his hair was flat and messy against his forehead. I smiled a little as I lifted his arm and put it around me. There was an initial wince or anticipation of a flashback, but nothing came. I moved closer and kissed his hairy chest, embracing his warmth and the feeling of him, just him, around me.

I missed it.

He sighed in his sleep and I suddenly wanted him closer. “Ni.”

“Mm,” he grunted.

"Merry Christmas.” He mumbled something I couldn’t quite understand, but I think he was returning the phrase. It made me smile, “Hug Niall." His eyes eased open. He blinked a couple times before focusing on me.

"Hmm?"

"Hug." I squirmed around so I was half lying in top of him.

"Hug?" The baby voice that he almost never used came out as he shifted me onto his chest and tightened his arms around me. I tensed at first, but relaxed when no flashback came. "For me?"

"Yes Ni. Hug." I chuckled and wriggled up his body so I could bury my face in his neck. For the first time, in what felt like forever, I could feel Niall all over me; he was all I felt and saw and smelled. I’d missed this more than I had words to express it. So I clung to him, kissed him—whatever I could to at least show a glimpse of how grateful I am for him.

"Oh Niall." I sighed, feeling myself tear up.

"Shh, baby. I know, I know,” He whispered as he pet my hair. Bublé hopped in the bed and took her place on my pillow, almost immediately drifting to sleep. "Looks like you don’t have a pillow anymore."

"Yeah I do. I’m engaged to him."

"Lucky pillow, he is."

"I think I’m pretty lucky to have him. He’s a keeper. One for the books"

"For the books, huh?"

"Mhm."

"Well, the guy told me personally that he’d plans to stay with you forever."

I lifted my head up to look at him, “I love him. Unconditionally and without end.”

He was suddenly serious, “Unconditionally?”