My dearest Butler

Chapter 52

A tingling sensation runs through my brain and leaves my senses clouded up. Everything seems to numb out and become irrelevant. My breathing becomes softer until it stops for a moment. I cough out as I feel something stuck in my throat and cover my mouth with my hand. My blurry vision makes it hard for me to focus properly, but I see just about enough to notice the red liquid on my hand. I start to feel really dizzy and my mind seems to wander off.

My body seems to grow weaker with every passing second and I can barely even focus on a simple thought. "I'm so sorry." Johnathan keeps saying over and over, like a chant that would reverse everything. "I'm sorry." He keeps chanting as if it would make everything fine again.

"I'm sorry, but..." I whisper as I wrap my shaking hand around the handle of the weapon he just staked me with. Pulling it out, I cringe at the sound and take a deep breath once it is out. Immediately my senses seem to sharpen. I look at his face. "A sorry just isn't enough." I ram the wooden stake that was in my chest just moments ago through Johnathan's heart and watch as his eyes widen in surprise. "I'm afraid you forgot. I'm immortal."

He keeps his arms wrapped around my body as he stares at me, the glint in his eyes slowly disappearing as I hear how his heart slowly stops beating. "I-I know I'm n-not your mate," he coughs out. "And I hurt you i-in the worst w-ways possible. B-but-" He cups my cheek and smiles at me. "I love you."

He cries out a muffled scream as he curls up to the side and lets his body drop to the cool floor. I stroke his hair and watch him leave this earth once again. "Don't be silly." I breathe out and can't help but smile. A feeling of regret and guilt rushes through my body. Even if he tried to kill me first, was it the right thing to actually kill him?

"I love you." Johnathan breathes out one last time before he stops moving.

Tears steam down my face as I watch his limb and lifeless figure lie in front of me. He's gone. Again. "At least this time you managed to finish your sentence." I joke as I force out a laugh. "Oh god..." Why does it always end like this? Why does it still have to hurt so much? After everything he did, I still cannot hate him.

I place his head on my lap and keep stroking his hair as if he'd be able to feel any of this. "I'm sorry too." I admit, nodding my head. "Maybe one day we'll meet again and not get f*cked over by others. Maybe we can even be friends." I smile as I stare at nothing in particular. "Maybe..."

I slowly rock from side to side as I start humming the melody of an old song I used to listen to a few decades ago. "Such a shame things had to go down like this, don't you agree? If only things weren't as complicated. I'm sure me and your twin could be good friends. I like her type of humor. And Death seems to be a lovely person too. I can't help but wonder what your mom was like. I'm sure she was nice too."

I tense up when a cold pair of hands rest on my shoulder but relax when I notice it's Lu. "How's your neck, hun?" I ask him, still staring at nothing in particular.

"My neck is fine, thanks." He breathes against my neck before placing a smooch on my soft skin. "What about you? How are you?"

"I'm..." I keep stroking the corpse on my lap. "Fine."

"It's better this way, Amanda. I know it's hard. Believe me. He is... was my brother."

"I know he was." I say with a smile still on my lips. "It's actually not hard at all." I turn my face towards Lu. "He's dead. Things like that happen." I shrug.

"Amanda, you're starting to scare me..." He admits. "Please just be normal and show some sign of real emotions."

"I can't" I creak out. "If I let it in, I'll fall apart. I can't let that happen again." I place the head on the floor again and get up.

Lu pulls me in for a hug. "Shhh." I hold on to his clothes and try not to cry. But I start laughing when I notice something. "What is it?" Lu asks confused.

"You're still wearing that silly maid outfit." I look him up and down and giggle. "Looks good on you though." I nod and try to keep a smile on my face. But I can't. I break down and cry. Lu pulls me closer and I try to muffle my crying on his chest.

"Shhh." He strokes my hair in an attempt to calm me down and after what seems like forever, the pain seems to be gone for now and I push myself away from him. "Thank you." I whisper. He cups my cheek and smiles at me. "You're welcome, my love." Lu places his soft lips on mine while holding me close with his strong arms. And for a moment everything is fine again.

He trails many little kisses down my cheek and neck, causing me to giggle. "Lu, please stop." He pulls away and places one more kiss on my forehead. "Good to hear that beautiful giggle of yours once more. I love to see you like this."

I smile back at him and get on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "You're the best mate, friend and person in general anyone could wish for."

After a while of comfortable silence, we both look around and notice thedead bodies around us. "Uh... we should probablyget rid of them..."    

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