JOONXBTS!!

╟ NamKook I ╳ ❝explanation❞

Genre: Angst
Warnings: None
Words: 1,421

Namjoon was fighting the urge to cry and he was pathetically loosing. He went through the choreographies robotically, rapping his verses with sadness that was masked as passion and avoided looking at anyone directly if he could. Every time he heard Jungkook's voice through the speakers he felt pangs of sadness intense enough to drown out ARMY course through him, making him shake and momentarily drop his fake smile before quickly plastering it bcak on. Jungkook himself didn't seem to be affected by their break up, which made it only worse because while Namjoon was so devastated and unstable, Jungkook seemed happy, like he was glad to have cut off his relationship with Namjoon.

When they played the mid-show games he pretended to be cheerful, he pretended to be alright when they paired him with Jungkook, even though he was screaming at Jungkook in his head, begging for an explanation as to why, why, he broke up with him, already knowing he would get nothing more than a sad shake of the head from earlier in the day.

Anyone might've thought he was acting tough to show Jungkook he'd moved on, but he wasn't. He didn't care if Jungkook thought him weak, he was doing it for ARMY. They didn't deserve badly rapped verses and weak dance moves just because Namjoon was sad, because, in Namjoon's eyes, they were worth that pain.

Namjoon ould hold on through the concert. He didn't know what would happen when he finally let himself go.

They bowed at the audience that was shouting goodbyes. As they walked off stage they waved and sent flying kisses to the fans before plopping down on the prep room's couch, ultimately exhausted and high on adrenaline.

They were all panting, open-mouthed with blissed-out smiles. All except one; Namjoon. He sat there, huffing breaths out his nose with dulling eyes as the adrenaline from the show started fading out, feeling like he was going to pass out at any moment. The rest of BTS slowly realized that their leader was upset for some unknown reason and went to confront him about his state of being.

"What's wrong, Namjoon-hyung?" Sweet Jimin asked, always worried. He aimed to comfort but his words only made it worse and broke the final cord holding Namjoon together.

Namjoon burst into tears, sobs forcing themselves out of his body making him shake with the sheer force of them. Namjoon put a hand in front of his mouth to attempt and muffle his sobs as Jimin and Yoongi immediately surged forwards to comfort him, Hoseok, Jin and Taehyung following shortly after. Jungkook only looked at the wall, guilt showing clearly to everyone who saw, even if no one was paying attention to him anymore.

Nobody asked why Namjoon was crying, even though they didn't know, and even if the curiosity was killing them, they left him alone. They understood he wasn't in any state to answer questions.

Jungkook reluctantly went to Namjoon and softly rubbed his back, a horrid attempt at comfort that did more damage than repair. Namjoon immediately flinched away from the new hand, knowing the only person who that hand could belong to. Jungkook moved away from him, understanding that he needed his time.

He wanted to tell Namjoon, he wanted so badly to explain that it wasn't his choice. But he couldn't; he wasn't allowed.

_____

Weeks passed and Namjoon's wounds sealed but there was still a scar, a scar he hoped would heal over time, but he knew would take serious nursing. He still hadn't gotten an explanation, but he'd learned to never expect one.

Jungkook, on the other hand, tried to move on, going on various dates with random people that always ended in them parting ways without each other's numbers. He never got over Namjoon. He still itched to tell Namjoon why everything had happened but he held back, knowing his plan was still not fulfilled.

Namjoon slowly got over Jungkook, going back to interacting normally with him, even going as far as sleeping in the same bed. He still itches for a explanation every once in a while, but he pushes those thoughts into the back of his mind, not wandering to put any more of a damper on their now platonic relationship.

After a few months, Namjoon found someone else. That someone else being Yoongi. It seemed that because Yoongi had helped Namjoon recover, he had developed 'feelings' for him, even if Jungkook knew the truth. Jungkook knew how they'd ended up together, knew how that played right into Yoongi's plan, but he didn't say anything; he wasn't allowed to.

They were a cute couple with a moving story: long-time friends develop feelings to each other, falling in live as they supported each other in the face of pain and break up. Everyone supported them. But they weren't meant to be.

Slowly but surely, Yoongi got bored of Namjoon. He hadn't had actual feelings for him and just saw him as a challenge; a thing to obtain for momentary gain that he saw worthless after he had obtained his part of the forced bargain. After a while, they broke up and, just like when Namjoon and Jungkook broke up, Namjoon cried; streams of salty tears marked his face in a pitiful way that his friends never wanted to have to witness again. But this time he had learned his lesson. He must've been cursed to never have successful relationships, so he wasn't going to date. Namjoon saw it as a quick and easy decision to make, but he didn't know how much that would affect his future.

Jungkook didn't explain anything. Not even when Yoongi broke up with Namjoon; the threat was still too big.

_____

Two years later, and Seokjin had been enlisted into the army. There was a lot of tears and mournful goodbyes before he left for a good two years, as a lot of people didn't want him gone, but it was his duty as a Korean male that he would fulfill with the planted seed of honor given to him at birth. BTS was put on hold, but ARMY promised to never stop being by their side, swearing their faithfulness in a way that the others wished Seokjin could witness.

Namjoon had long-since know the moment was going to come but it still hurt a lot. A member of his family, in the army; it was a dark thought that he had been forced to accept since he could remember and care.

They slowly went back to normal after convincing themselves that Jin would survive through the rough exercise and exploitation, though they were never fully convinced.

It was a Friday and all the guys had miraculously free schedules. Namjoon was going to stay at home, seeking some well deserved rest, but most of the guys were going out. All except one; Jungkook.

Jungkook had decided that he was going to try to get Namjoon back, now that his career wasn't fully on the line and his fear had lessened. And he was going to start by finally explaining the why of everything. Or at least attempting to.

They were watching a random drama and eating pizza on the couch when Jungkook decided to start explaining, breaking the comfortable silence in the room accompanied by the actors' voices.

"You remember when I broke up with you?"

Namjoon immediately tensed but still answered a tight and constricted 'yes'.

"Well.. I want you back."

"No," Namjoon answered immediately, the word bouncing off of him like a nervous reflex.

"Why? I haven't said anything and you're saying 'no'?" Jungkook exclaimed, annoyed at the insensitive attitude his hyung had adopted.

"Jungguk, I don't like you anymore," Namjoon said, putting his head in his hands, "And the way you let me go is something I'll never forgive. Or forget."

Jungkook loooked down, "Please. At least let me explai--," he was cut off.

"No! You think that after a year and a half of no explanation you can suddenly just come in and explain yourself?" Namjoon yelled, inwardly amazed at his dongsaeng's selfishness "Well, you're fucking wrong! You will not have me back. Ever. I'm over you. You should be over me too."

Namjoon stood up and angrily walked away, slamming his room's door shut, leaving the sound of Jungkook's quiet sobs to be the only thing heard throughout the silent dorm, finally starting to understand how Namjoon felt when he broke up with him.

a/n: holy shit guys this is my most successful story wtf I just realized