Picture on the side is of my Aaron. I chose Logan Lerman, because I love him:)
Numb. If there was ever a word used to describe a person, feeling numb was what did it for me. I remembered bits and pieces of Matt’s funeral, but nothing that made a lasting memory.
I remembered that a lot of strangers who claimed to be best friends with Matt showed up. I remembered Matt’s mom sticking by my side the entire three days Matt’s body was allowed to be in the funeral home.
“At least I have you,” she kept repeating.
Matt was an only child. Now that he was gone, his parents were alone.
I was at least glad they weren’t like those couples, who losing a child usually brought on a divorce. If anything, I noticed that George and Silvia, Matt’s parents, were closer than they had ever been before.
All of the days that followed Matt’s death were a blur. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months.
Nothing about that summer was memorable.
Most of my days were spent locked up in my room. At first, people tried to visit me. My friends, even some who I wasn’t as close to, would come and visit. After my mom told them the first few times I wasn’t up for it, they stopped coming.
The only one who kept coming, and who I wasn’t ignoring, was Silvia, Matt’s mom.
It didn’t matter if I was crying, or if I felt depressed. Seeing Silvia, being around her- it was a reminder that all the time I spent with Matt- it had been real.
Matt and I were supposed to start our first year of college in the fall. We had everything ready. We’d be sharing an apartment a few blocks away from the campus. Our classes had been picked three weeks before we graduated.
But, I couldn’t do it.
So I spent the next months after that, locked up in my room, just like I had done in the summer. My parents attempted to get me out.
My mom even threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn’t start school. Of course, it was an empty threat. I knew she was doing it so that I would stop, but I couldn’t.
I loved Matt. Now that Matt was gone, I felt lost, empty.
Cold weather usually made me depressed. When I was with Matt, I used to cuddle with him, while he told me stories about the Sci-Fi books he loved so much. Most of them included other worlds, or other dimensions.
Being with him always made everything better, but even he couldn’t push away that sadness that sometimes crept up to me when it was cold or rainy outside.
It was two days after New Year’s. My parents had gone to visit my grandma. They invited me, just like they did every time they went out. I had said no.
A lot of Matt’s belongings were in my room. Silvia had decided to keep Matt’s room just as it was. One day while I was visiting her, I went into his room.
Most of the time I was inside, I’d spent crying. When Silvia saw me, she joined in. Finally, after we had both calmed down, we began reminiscing about him. She had allowed me to keep some of his stuff.