LightWeight

Step Twenty-One

Dedicated to : Anyone, IDC

A/N I wrote it in forty minutes! Fasteste chapter ever!!

I remember the day like it was yesterday, even though it was a solid three to four years ago. I was fourteen, and he was fifteen.  P.Y.T  and I were leaving from our meeting with managers from Interscope Records. They wanted us to join their label, throwing money that appeared to be it all. But joining them would mean leaving Pretty Hustle. Even though Interscope was a big deal, PG was family. And you don’t turn away from family.

I was turning the corner from the bathroom when we bumped into each other. Stumbling back, his hand wrapped around his waist to catch me. I looked up at him, blushing from embarrassment. The first thing to catch me was his baby face that portrayed no wrong, and next were his eyes that never revealed even a hint of deception.

"Sorry." I said, laughing. "I swear I can't see two inches in front of me."

"It's cool." He chuckled, rubbing his chin for a short second before placing both hands in his pockets. "So, why you at Interscope? Aren't you signed with Pretty Hustle?"

Of course he knew me. I mean, I knew him too. They had just released the video to I See You, and their faces were splashed everywhere. And I literally mean, everywhere. The video was on every billboard and every music countdown. They were reaching stardom.

"Well, we got an offer and decided to come check it out." I shrugged my shoulders. "About to record?"

"Yeah, do you wanna-"

"Lee?" I cursed to myself, mad that Mila had this subconscious knowledge to block everything.

"Oh, you have to go?" Matty  asked.

"Yeah." I nodded my head. Then, deciding to step out of myself, I suggested. "But...we could exchange numbers and see where that goes." It wasn't like me to make the move, I never really needed too. But it was something about that moment that felt right. It felt...good.

That was three years ago. Now, I sat in the bathroom as my bath water ran. Tears refused to come out of my eyes from two hours ago when I saw Breaunna and Matthew kissing. I was crushed, to put it simply. It felt like...a thorn was sleeping in my blood stream and twisting itself in my heart. It felt like the blood clotted right in the center, and it would remain piling until I exploded.

My arms itched. I looked down to see it coated in blood. My blood, that now looked dark. I loved the itch. The itch reminded me that I was still here. The burn reminded me I still had feelings. The burn told me I still felt pain, because everything else was...numb.

I stepped into the tub. My clothes stuck to my skin as my body sank lower. I stared at the ceiling above me as I reminisced. 

Every kiss tingled my lips.

Every touch burned my skin

Every word was music to my ears...

But every kiss was shared with another

Every touch was already on someone else

Every word was...a lie.

I could feel the air escaping my lungs, but I held myself under.

Every picture of us. Every laugh and every joke and every emotion felt deceptive.

But I knew this one wasn't. The loss oxygen was real. I was in control of this. I was in control of how much air I lost. I was in control of how much blood flowed.

And right now, I wanted it all gone.

LYRIC

I slammed the door to the hotel room and stomped to my bag like a toddler would if they were denied candy in the candy store. My nerves were on fire as the liquid running from my eyes cooled my bare skin. I was crying. I was crying, over a boy. But he wasn't simply a boy. He was Calvin. And I wasn't sure to be mad at whether he listened to me, or because I actually told him to leave me alone.

I sat on the bed for a while thinking about that. How can I be mad at him for listening? If he didn't, I would be mad. So when he does I'm still mad? It doesn't make any since. Then again, not much does anyway.

Allowing myself to fall back on my bed, I sobbed to myself. I was so screwed, and I was so dysfunctional. Why was it so hard? All I wanted was to be normal. All I wanted was to be a regular teenage girl at seventeen, completely engulfed in the love of a male, envisioning getting married to him and having tons of kids to go by his name. Instead, I was wondering why his touch was so craved but once it happened my skin began to crawl. Of course, I knew the answer already, but I wanted it to stop.

Throwing the phone book toward the front door, I sat up hearing a soft plot. I looked to where it landed, in front of the bathroom, and saw it beginning to soak at the bottom. As I watched, I saw even more water filling out.

I got up and tentatively walked to the door, but there was an eagerness to my pace. I knocked on the door. "Hello?" I didn't know what to say. "Is anyone in there?" I wriggled the doorknob to see it was locked. Well, that answered that question. Only four people could have been in the room: Breaunna, Camilla, Jailee, or me. I was right here, Camilla was across the hall, and Breaunna was in the lobby still. I locked behind me, and I saw a phone by the door. Bending down, it was Star's, and the screen was cracked.

For no reason at that moment, adrenaline ran through me. My body started to shake as pieces puzzled together. "Oh my god," I muttered, standing back up. I banged on the door. "Jailee!" I yelled, slapping the door so hard my hand stung. I ignored it. "Jailee! Open the door! Open the door!"

The door behind me opened and Camilla walked in. "Why the hell are you-" She stopped short as she stepped in the water puddle and realized what was wrong. She too began to bang on the door, as I never stopped in the first place. On instinct, I began to push myself against the door. With each step back and lunge forward I made sure to put more force on it. Soon, Camilla caught on and did it to. More water came out, and I noticed it going to the carpet by the beds and leaking out the front door.

I almost fell as the door hinges gave way and the lock broke. Without thinking, I ran to the tub. "Go get her mom!" I yelled, my peripheral noticing Camilla about to come out. "Go get her now! Now!"

I bent down to the tub, not paying as much attention as I could. I fell down, but that didn't stop me from turning off the water as I fell own, moving to Star's body. I pulled her head up, using that and an arm to pull her out the tub. She came with a flop. I didn't know what to do. What do I do? The water was pink, and her face was pale. She was cold, and I held her. I held her in my arms, because I didn't know what to do.

But the thought that sickened me, was me wondering why it was her instead of me.