LightWeight

Step Eight

Dedicated to :LovelyMyia for being one of the two people who commented last chapter! You're appreciated!

"Have you been taking your medicine?" My mother inquired.

"Yeah." I answered, moving form in front of the vanity to the mirror. "Twice a day, morning and night." I sighed. "I don't know, Mom. They come back at the weirdest moments. Earlier I was frustrated and went to the bathroom, it came back. Now, Trey grabbed my hand to try and tell me something and it happened. I'm breaking. And I don't know what to do about it."

"Maybe...Maybe the tour is too much stress for you. Maybe this isn't the time for you to do this."

"No!" I sat up straight on the couch. "I am NOT quitting this tour. I'll be damned if I let him come between me, work, and my dreams. No."

"Sweetie, think of your health! That should always come first, no matter what."

"I'll be fine. Leslie and I are talking about it tonight and then tomorrow we're stopping to see a doctor."

Someone knocked on the door before briefly pocking their head in. "You're on in five."

"Okay." I told her. "Mom, I have to go."

"Alright. Remember what I told you though. Your health comes first. I love you."

"Love you too." I hung up and put it back on its charger.

Checking my outfit in the mirror, I snapped a quick picture and reviewed it for myself. For every show I have a different outfit. Since I only have fifteen minutes to perform, I need to make SOME type of impression. Tonight's outfit read Classy and Sexy. It was a blue long sleeve off the shoulder crop tee with a black high waist skater skirt and a pair of blue TOMS. To accessorize I had on a latigo bay multi strand bracelet set, turquoise bow ring, and black pave Diamond heart stud earrings. My make-up was light with a cream lipstick and whitish blue eye liner.

I looked confident on the inside, but would my performance be? After my breakouts today, I fear messing up. There's no doubt the managers are already considering kicking me off the tour, and if I screwed up right now I would definitely be cut.

"Lord please help me." I muttered as I walked out the room.

I stood behind the curtains as the lights dimmed. The most awkward thing has to be how everyone else reacted to earlier. I didn't just freak out once, but twice. And in public with seemingly no trigger. I'm not one to care what everyone thinks, but when you're being avoided like the plague and given looks of sympathy laced with pity, it starts to bother you.

I listened as the DJ introduced me on the stage. I giggled at how he hyped up the crowd before my entrance. On certain shows I'll sing one of my songs, do a cover, and dance. On others I might sing three of my own songs. On other shows I dance to my songs. Get the picture? It's always something new. A surprise. The lights blinded me momentarily as I walked on stage.

"Make some noise, Augusta!" I shouted in my microphone. "So I remember a time when people told me I wouldn't make it. I wasn't short enough, I wasn't cute enough. I wasn't confident enough, I wasn't talented enough. But guess where I am!!!!" The crowd shouted with me, and I laughed, switching my curls to my left shoulder. "So, this is to all those who told me I wouldn't make it!"

The beat started. I loved this song because it was about finally freeing yourself and not allowing others standard to be yours. It was all about freedom of expression, and I was dedicated to that.

"Do you think they see me now?"

I exited the stage as P.Y.T entered from the opposite side. I was met with the smiling face of Leslie, but I saw the concern in her face as I drunk from my water bottle and wiped my face. Ignoring it, I went pass her into my dressing room and plopped on the couch. It wasn't long before she came in, closing the door behind her.

"You know we have to talk about this, right?" She asked, sitting in a chair diagonal to me.

"Yeah, I do." I responded, fiddling with my fingers.

"Are you still taking your medicine?"

"Yes" I responded, exasperatedly.

"Is the tour too stressful for you?" She asked. "Because if it is-"

"I am not quitting this tour. Look, whatever it is can fix itself but I refuse to let him interfere with what I have going on now, okay? I'm not." Before either one of us could speak again someone knocked on the door. "Come in!" I plopped back on the couch and unlocked my phone.

Bree and Star both walked in, looking as if they were rethinking the decision. I didn't pay either much attention, not out of rudeness, but I just didn't have it in me to put on a facade. They each sat across from me and stared with wary eyes, looking for something they would never see.

"Are you okay now?" Star was the first to speak up, her voice quieter than usual.

"Yeah, fine." I responded.

"We were worried about you." Bree added. "You were...zoned earlier."

"Yeah, a lots just on my mind."

"Well, we’re here when you need us."

"Mum-hm." I responded.

"Girls, can you give us a minute?"

"Sure." They left the room, closing the door behind them.

"I don't know what’s wrong with you but you need to get it together. These people have done nothing to you, and all you're doing is giving them a stank attitude. You need to cut it."

"Sure."

"Desiree, I am not playing games with you. There's only so much people can put up with. You're attitude, is not fixing anything. You better fake it until you make it."

The look in her eyes was deadly. I already knew she meant business, and I would have to suck it up and smile pretty, because I knew what it was like to break.