I Really Messed Up, Guys: A Supernatural Self Harm Fic

Low Hanging Fruit

"I'm gonna slaughter you!" Casey cried and bolted across the library. Sam threw back his head and laughed. Her face was brilliantly red with anger and it made her look like a cartoon version of the Devil. He could hear Dean holding back his own laugh while avoiding Casey. He knew she was angry too, but she was their little sister. It was their job to make her mad. If they didn't then they were doing something wrong.

"Sam will just bring me back, won't ya, Sammy?" Dean looked over to his brother and bounced his eyebrows. Sam shook his head.

"I think she'd cut off my hands before I could even think of a summoning spell."

Casey braced her feet against the ground, leaning low. "He's right." She took advantage of her brother's amusement and pounced on him, slamming straight into Dean's chest and knocking him on the ground. He was surprised, which made her attack even easier. She straddled his stomach and socked him in the boob. "Suck on that!" She punched him in the chest a couple more times, light enough so it wouldn't truly injure him but still hard enough to where it would leave a couple bruises. It didn't take long for Dean to gather himself, though, and he pushed her shoulders back until she rolled off of him and leapt back on his feet. Casey rolled on her back and dropped her arms on the ground. "Ugh!" she heaved. "Brothers are useless."

Dean stood with his arms crossed, breathing heavily. He made sure he was still far enough away from her to avoid another sneak attack. It felt good being a big brother. He loved it, there wasn't much that was more enjoyable than picking on his siblings, and Case was just such an easy target, what with her being the only girl in the family and being much younger than him in the first place. He tossed the little box he'd shoved in his pocket to Sammy, seeing she'd obviously given up. Sam caught it easily, but once he registered what it was he dropped it quickly on the table, as if it was burning his hands. "Dean! That's what this is about? Come on."

He shrugged. "It was such low hanging fruit. I couldn't help myself."

Casey shoved herself up and walked past her brothers, punching Dean less gently in the arm on her way, and grabbed the box of tampons. "You freaking suck." She stomped into the bathroom and chucked it under the sink before returning to the library. "It's not my fault, you know?"

"Oh, I know. Like I said, low hanging fruit." Dean smirked. It killed her inside every time she needed to restock, especially now that her brothers wouldn't give her money without asking what it was for or checking her bags when she was done in the store. Dean liked to take advantage of her sensitivity to embarrass her- and he was good at it.

Sam, though, wouldn't say a word about it. And if he did he always tried to be overly casual. His casualness was decently easy to see through, though, when one took in the deep red across his cheeks. It made him wish more than usual that they'd had any type of female role model at all in their lives. Casey was too young when Ellen and Jo were around, and now she was just left with her brothers and Cas. Talking to Cas about this topic was the worst possible thing she could imagine, though. She never even considered it. Trying to invoke the most nonchalance about this as he could, Sam spoke up. "It's alright. It's a normal thing for you. It's not weird at all. It's a-okay and completely natural." Casey held up a hand and Sam had to bite back his sigh of relief.

"That's enough. I know the spiel and you look like you're about to die if you have to keep going. Drop it." She looked to Dean, who was still grinning like a fool. "Both of you."

"Sounds good, Case Face." Dean saluted her. Sam nodded stiffly.

Casey rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Sam?" Sam nodded again and followed Casey out of the room. He detoured away from her and waited in the bathroom. Casey came in two minutes later in a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. It'd been exactly three weeks since her last body check and she wanted to get it over as soon as possible so they could move on from the tension that would cloud the room if she procrastinated it much longer.

Three week body checks seemed like a waste of time to her. If she did have a relapse there would be plenty of time for it to heal enough to be covered in make up. She figured her brothers were running more on trust now. They expected her to tell them if she was struggling to the point where she wanted to hurt herself, but they still wanted her to know that they were watching her and wouldn't stop.

It started and ended the same way they always did. Dean performed the checks every now and then, but she was still a little more comfortable with Sam doing it. She wasn't sure why and Dean never mentioned it or asked about it. It might have been the age difference, or maybe the fact that Dean saw more beautiful naked women than Sam regularly, but she always prefered Sam to check her. He always started off with, "Have you relapsed?" It was a formality, and an awkward one at that, but she understood that it was a chance for her to perjure herself so he didn't find out by checking and finding an unfortunate surprise. Casey shook her head stuck out both arms after rolling her sleeves up to her shoulders. She turned them over- having him ask her was too humiliating, even if she knew he wasn't going to judge her. After he looked up and gave her a small smile, she lifted her shirt up to the wire of her bra and twisted until he could see her sides, then finished up by showing off her legs in the same manner she'd presented her arms. Sam smiled, looking as proud as ever, when she set her legs down. "Awesome job, kiddo." Casey rolled her eyes. She began to walk out of the bathroom, but Sam placed a hand on her arm. It went against every instinct she had to not pull back immediately. She still wasn't used to having nothing to hide on her arms and it took a second for her to relax into the touch, reminding herself that it was her brother trying to love her and not hurt her. "Hey, how are you really doing lately?"

Casey thought for a moment. She supposed she hadn't talked about her feelings much lately, but her urges to self harm were more passive than anything. They were still there and snuck in nearly every time she was moderately inconvenienced or her thoughts were misbehaving, she was getting better at controlling them though, even when she missed it desperately. She felt like she'd lost a friend and was still in mourning. She shrugged half-heartedly. "I don't really know, I guess. I mean, I'm okay enough. Still sad, but okay enough." She didn't want to disclose much more to her brother, but his eyes were wide open and earnest. She wrapped her arms around herself in a tight hug and felt her mouth begin to pull down in that telltale frown. "I just really miss it. Like, I'm holding on without it, but I miss it a lot, Sammy." 

Sam held back the face he wanted to make. He wasn't grossed out or angry, just sad that she felt that way. He knew from everything he'd read and even from just talking about her that it was an addiction, but the awareness didn't make hearing her confession hurt less. "You can keep going, though. We always do." He stepped closer to his sister then paused against the counter, not wanting her to feel suffocated. Casey bridged the gap and leaned next to him. She rested his head on his upper arm, not quite able to reach his shoulder.

"Yeah, I know." She looked up at him and forced a small smile. "Somehow we do."