I Really Messed Up, Guys: A Supernatural Self Harm Fic

Three Minutes

See! I promised a new part and I delivered. Wham bam hadamn.

Thank you again for reading and please vote and comment because it really, really means a lot to me and keeps me motivated. Plus, I want to know what you guys think. I'm trying hard to hear Sam or Dean or whoever say something in my head before typing it, but it's hard. I really am enjoying this though. I've never written so much on one subject!

Thank you for motivating me and being interested enough to read my shenanigans.<3

She also felt violated. Cas had rifled through everything she owned and taken her most private possessions. She didn't own a lot, but after moving into the bunker and getting personal space for the first time in her life, she had grown territorial. Another similarity between her and Dean. She sat on her bed, then lay back and let the mattress absorb her. Like her brother always said, it remembered her, but she sighed and sat back up, knowing Sam wouldn't take long to find a store. He was efficient. She picked out a plain t-shirt and a flannel and threw on a pair of worn jeans. It was going to take a lot to get used to never being alone. Already she felt smothered.

It didn't help when there was a knock on her door. Casey cringed. "What?"

The door opened to reveal Sam. "I found one. It's forty minutes away, but it has good reviews." He gave her a small smile.

She smiled back, but she knew he wasn't really coming in to keep her updated on his search. He was coming in to check on her. She couldn't have even two minutes alone? She supposed, though, the last time she was alone she hadn't given herself the best track record. "Sounds good, Sammy. I'll be right out."

His face faltered. He didn't want to pressure her, but the ground rules were pretty specific. He wanted to keep an especially close watch these first few days. "What else do you need to do? You're dressed."

Casey rolled her eyes and let out a long breath so she didn't scream at him. She reminded herself he meant well. He meant well. "Sam, I haven't been alone for the last at least 36 hours. You took away everything in the joint, probably even the butter knives. Can I at least have a couple minutes to absorb everything?" she pleaded with him. Everything had been busy these past two days, she needed a moment to pause and think.

His brow knit together. "Three minutes?" he offered.

She knew that was the best she was going to get. "Three minutes." He gave her that same apologetic smile with his big, soft eyes, then shut the door. Casey flopped back on her bed, spreading her arms as wide as possible so that if a ton of bricks decided to fall on her they would get an even impact. Maybe even make the kill a little cleaner. She wouldn't be upset.

It hadn't sunk in in yet that things weren't about to go her way anymore. What were they supposed to do stationary at home? They'd done all the research they possibly could on the knights. There wasn't much they could do about the angels, that nothing could be done by regular humans, although she could hardly consider herself and her brothers as regular humans, considering they'd saved the world three times now and each of them had died at least three times and still come back. And what was she supposed to do without any personal space? She couldn't lounge out all day with her brothers. Their bickering would drive her insane quickly. She wished the bed would absorb her, swallow her into its foamy core, where she could nestle up and heal her mind until all the gloom and despondency that marred her finally dispersed.

She closed her eyes. She knew Dean wasn't asleep. He was too bothered by the entire affair. He would let his guilt claw at him until exhaustion ultimately took over and knocked him out. Dean may not be asleep because of what happened, but Casey could pass out immediately because of what happened. Emotional trauma couldn't very well be snuffed out by half a day of car-sleep. She was going to need days of sleep before every thought of humiliation and exposure and guilt and pain wouldn't make her breath catch as it passed through.