I Really Messed Up, Guys: A Supernatural Self Harm Fic

Vulnerable (plus summary of last chapter)

Summary of the last chapter: Sam looks at Casey's arms and is super nice about it, like he promised, even though he was actually really horrified (not about the act, but because he's afraid for his sister) he made sure he stayed composed. Then he asked to see the rest of her body to make sure everything was alright and Casey flipped out because she would essentially have to sit in front of her brother in her underwear. So she freaked out on Sam and finally, in an attempt to get him to understand that it wasn't about to happen she stepped on his last nerve and called him Samuel, so he got pissed and kind of yelled at her so she got scared and ran away and hid in a forest. Sam told Dean so he could help find her and Dean texted her that she needed to come back, she started to feel a panic attack so she self harmed pretty badly in an attempt to keep calm and wrapped it with a piece of her shirt, eventually fell asleep against a tree, her brothers found her and she tried to run away again but it didn't work so they all hugged and had a brief chick flick moment. They went back to the motel and, in an attempt to keep Casey from feeling uncomfortable, Dean went out to grab burgers and give Sam and Casey a little privacy and now Sam and Casey are sitting together and Dean literally just left. And that's where we are now.

There is some description of self harm wounds, but I tried to keep it to a minimum. I will label when it comes up. 

Keep commenting because it gets me so stoked to write more. I'm also thinking of maybe beginning to try my hand at imagines/preferences but in another "book". Thoughts at all? Thank you for reading, guys!! <3 <3 :)

They were silent for fifteen minutes until both of them looked up at each other at the same time. Sam sighed. "Casey-"

"He knows, doesn't he?" she asked blankly.

Sam paused before say, "Yeah. Yeah, he knows." He paused another moment. "I told him that you don't really want to talk about it with him though." Casey began to say something, looking alarmed, but Sam cut her off. "I didn't say it like that, obviously. He understands. He's not dumb, you know? He knows he can be kind of... angry sometimes. But he also cares about you very much. He's worried, Case. He wants to give you your space though. He knows you'll talk with him about it when you're ready." Casey settled down again. She didn't want Dean to think she hated him or anything, she was just afraid of him being mad or yelling at her. And she really didn't want to scare him. Sam seemed to understand she wasn't on a suicide mission or anything, she was just trying to relieve some pain. However, Casey wasn't sure that Dean would understand that part of it. It wasn't a completely unreasonable fear, she supposed. If Casey didn't know much about self harm or mental illnesses she would also probably assume that somebody who cut their arms was trying to kill themselves. It did make sense.

Sam brought her back to reality. He rubbed his forehead and his neck with his wide palm, smoothing out invisible tension. "Can we just get this over with, Case? The sooner we start the sooner it's done and then we can just talk. You know I'll be fast. Let's just get it done."

He looked just as exhausted as she felt. Casey pursed her lips and closed her eyes. Her eyebrows pulled together. She looked, and felt, like if you took 'frustration' and built it into a human being, and she was starting to give herself a tension headache. She clenched her fists and practiced breathing in fives like Sam showed her. After a couple minutes, she unpinched her face and exhaled slowly. She looked up at Sam. He gave her a sad smile and her heart shattered. She knew he was scared and that she was the one that scared him. He was scared and sad. She looked to where his hands were folded on his lap, unable to look at his sad eyes, and nodded.

Sam stood and walked toward her. She looked so small and scared, balled up into herself like she thought she would be able to vanish if she curled up tight enough. He extended his hand to her. Casey took it and slid off the bed and followed his lead to the bathroom. He brought her there in case Dean came in sooner than they thought, but left the door open to make sure she didn't feel as trapped. He went out and grabbed her some pajama pants and one of Dean's old t-shirts for after they were done, wanting her to feel cozy and safe when they went to bed.