I Really Messed Up, Guys: A Supernatural Self Harm Fic

Cherry Coke

Okay so this one is super long but I couldn't find a shorter place to end it so I just kinda said screw it they can deal.
Thank you all again for humoring me and reading!! You guys are ROCKSTARS and the encouragement and love in the family is so amazing.
(Also I'm meeting the boys exactly one month from today and I'm gonna puke.)
Thank you again!!

Casey’s book could only be so interesting with the anxious state she was in. She wasn’t entirely sure why it was so high, only that she felt like she could burst at any second. Maybe it was because the first half had been such a big deal, maybe it was because she needed to figure out a reason to avoid the second half. It’d already taken hardly the thought of taking one half to make her anxious to the point of nausea. Wasn’t that enough for the day? She didn’t have to ask Sam and Dean, the answer would be no from both of them. No point in asking and getting pissed off if she already knew the answer.

Dean kept glancing at Casey, who kept glancing at the clock. Was she waiting for something? It was hardly past six. Was she hungry? Oh. That’s what she’s waiting for. Dean felt a little dumb for taking so long to realize what she was waiting for. She was waiting to take her second pill.

It was irritating knowing that Sam had just left the pills on her desk, not even thinking about watching her take them. And he wasn’t gonna be the asshole and take them back, then ask her to lift her tongue to make sure she actually took them. He really wanted to be that asshole, though. What if she was stowing them away for later? She did say she was… wasn’t feeling too hot. People did that sometimes when they didn’t feel too hot for future plans they may or may not have. It wouldn’t exactly be hard for her to hide them. They had an entire bunker to hide crap in, and he knew if she hid them in the archives or the electrical room he had zero chance of being able to find them. Sam had snuck into her room earlier and said that the pill was gone, and Casey said she did take it. She’d lied to them before, though.

But she also hadn’t lied to them recently. She’d been very upfront about her feelings, even when they were unpleasant and scared him and Sam. And she’d been honest about them because she knew having a support system would help her feel better. Hell, she walked in the room and straight up announced she was suicidal. That took guts. And a couple weeks before that she’d ran into the library crying and hugging him. She said she didn’t want to elaborate, but just needed somebody to hold her and not be left alone for a while. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that that meant she was struggling, so Dean just sat and played with her ponytail and let her rest her head on his chest until she was calm again. She said she still didn’t want to talk about it, but that she was feeling a little better, which was almost enough for him. Not enough for him to move on for the next few days and not casually walk past her room to conveniently ask where something was, but enough for him to not freak out as soon as she walked out of one of the common areas to be alone.

Casey took a deep breath in, pulling him out of his own brain and causing Sammy to shut his laptop. “Alright. I don’t feel like taking this next pill, so I would appreciate it if you don’t bug me about it and let me be,” she said bluntly.

That was not the statement Dean was expecting. He figured she was excited about taking it more than anything because she knew it would help her get better. But how did he reply to that?

With the first thing that popped into his mind, apparently. “Too bad.”

Sam’s head snapped over and he shot him a warning look. Dean knew it probably wasn’t the wisest reply he’d ever come up with. It was an honest one, though. Casey usually appreciated honesty more than being babied by them. And she wasn’t a baby. She was (somewhat) grown up. She didn’t need to be danced around, she needed to be told the truth, and Dean was there to tell it.