Ruin and Revival

Chapter 25: Inner Demons

COLE

I plaster a smile onto my face as Purple Eyes approaches me. Even now, I try not to flinch at those unnerving eyes. I wonder if they are fake...

"A soldier must always be in the present," His deep voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"I am sorry sir," I salute reluctantly.

"Nothing to be sorry about Cole. Come, we must celebrate your victory," He beckons me into his office.

"Victory..." I murmur. None of this felt like a victory at all, but a nightmare coming alive. I could never unsee those mangled bodies on the battlefield, hear the screams of terror, feel their souls leave this world forever. I hadn't slept the whole trip back, too scared that if I closed my eyes, inner demons would haunt me forever. Monster, monster, my headache seemed to throb.

Purple eyes open a bottle of champagne, which was virtually impossible to acquire and if one did manage to get a hold of one, they'd most likely be broke. The bubbles foam out merrily before he pours a bit into two glasses, passing one to me.

"Sir, I am not old enough to drink," I eye the fizzing beverage warily, sniffing for possible poison. Has my life seriously come to the point where I can't even drink something without checking if it is drugged?

"It's only a tad, just enough to help you sleep and revel in your win for this country. I have heard you've had trouble with both of those lately," Purple eyes gives me a questioning glance, his fingers drumming the table.

"Just a bit tired, that's all," I reply quickly. Darn Kamilia for telling him everything!

"Aren't we all. Anyways, let us toast. To America and a better future!" He raises his glass in the air, the translucent, yellow liquid sloshing. I swallow hard.

"Ahem, right. To America and a better future," My hand trembles as we clink our glasses.

I smell the alcohol before I taste it, a sip already making me tipsy. I grip the arm of my chair, not wanting to appear drunk so quickly in front of the general. I swallow the rest, enjoying the taste as it slid down my throat, the burn of it pulling me farther away from terrible, terrible reality.

"I have promoted you to my first lieutenant, which means you will now be sharing your quarters with my second, Kamilia. She will begin training you with the gloves tomorrow and there is a war meeting at nine pm every night. Got it, Lieutenant Adler?" I almost choke on my fourth glass. My knuckles are white from gripping the chair, not sure if it was the alcohol or the information.

"Yessss Sirr," I slur. My eyes droop.

"Great! Kamilia, show him to his bed. The young lad could really use a nap," I hear a feminine chuckle before darkness claimed me.

I see my mother's back towards me, her platinum hair glinting in the wind.

"Mom, mom!" Tears fill my eyes. An ache so deep spreads across my body, sprouting from my heart.

"Cole, is that you?" I hear her say as she starts turning around.

"Mom, mom it is me! I have missed you so much!" I am sobbing in joy, sprinting to meet her in an embrace. She hugs me tightly. I pull back.

And her face contorts. Something feels wrong, very wrong. Her face is now a mask of terror, not the compassionate face I remember but someone else.

"YOU ARE NOT MY SON. YOU ARE A MONSTER. GIVE ME MY SON BACK!" She backs away, like a cornered animal, cowering in fear.

"Mom, mom," I reach for her hand. "I promise it's me-"

"GET AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAY!" A rifle appears in her arms and it is aimed directly at me. And she fires without any hesitation.

I jolt awake, trembling in shock and horror, a sheen of cold sweat on me. I need to throw up. I rush to the bin beside my bed and vomit, the champagne from hours before emptying out of me. I shiver, breathing hard. Monster, monster, my breath seemed to say.

"Shut up!" I scream at no one and everyone, raking my hands through my damp hair.

"Cole, are you alright?" I start at Kamilia's voice. Has she been here the whole time? She rushes next to me, draping a blanket over my freezing body.

"Cole, talk to me. Tell me what happened, tell me how I can help?" It would've been easier if she just hated me, just saw me as a monster.

"Leave me alone," I shove her off and stalk out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

Somehow, I had ended up in the gym, my body drenched in sweat as I slammed fist after fist into the punching bag. Monster, monster, it said with every strike. I snarl, throwing all my strength. The once suspended bag goes rolling on the ground. That's the third one I broke already. I move onto the next bag. Keep yourself distracted. I see images of that man's face flash through my mind. I shake my head, reminding myself the past is in the past.

"You should drink some water. You'll get dehydrated," Kamilia says from behind me. I had felt her gaze on me for awhile now.

"I'll drink when I want to," I turn and take in that curvaceous body, those sensuous lips, those keen eyes. A distraction. I push her against the nearest wall and kiss her. She kisses back like she expected it all along. I try to immerse myself, like what they say in books, trying to lose myself.

And yet, as I see her lips on my neck, on my lips, I feel nothing. All I hear is monster, monster, monster, suffocating me with every word. I stop, unable to see the purpose to this anymore. I back away, her face in confusion and slight hurt. Understanding floods into her eyes. She reaches for me as I take another step back.

"I-I am sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I need some fresh air," I whip around and run for the nearest door, not waiting for my conscience to scold me, remind me of everything that I had become. Balmy air hits me as my feet come in contact with the slippery sand. I collapse onto the ground, letting the sand warm my lonely, lonely soul. I stare up at the stars, my only companions in the blackness of my world.

The stars are not what I recalled them to be. The stories they held, the magic I felt, it was gone, all gone. Instead, I saw the faces of the dead. Of my mother. Of the man on the battlefield. No, no, no...I had finally lost my mind, hadn't I. I hear Kamilia plopping down beside my head, admiring her persistence with someone as hopeless as me.

"You're here to tell me that I am not a monster. That I am a hero. That I have saved this damn country. Hah, I know what you really think though. You think I am crazy and guess what, you're right. Your right! Don't waste your time on me, not after the way I have been treating you. Just go away," Tears that I hadn't noticed were there until now trickle down my face. This is the second time I have cried in front of her.

"I was actually just here to tell you that the war meeting is in five minutes. But, since you bring it up, yes I am aware that you are slowly going insane. We all are. And no, it doesn't get easier. We get stronger. And I know you are strong, Cole Adler," I twist my head, staring at her green eyes, and for the first time in a while, I don't feel so alone, so desolate inside. She extends her hand for the third time today. I clasp onto it firmly.

"Can we start over? After everything that's happened, you know..." I scratch my neck awkwardly.

"Of course. Kamilia Heather, at your service, Lieutenant," She does a mock courtesy, smirking. I clear my throat to add to the whole little act.

"Cole Adler, at your service, Lieutenant," I wink, a strange sensation filling me. I had forgotten how warm friendship could be.

Together, we head back to the complex and I know that with her beside me, I can face my inner demons and conquer my fears.