10th July 2015
YOUR POV
I realised something this morning.
I need somebody to help me get through this problem. Doing it alone is too difficult, and although I now have Lizzy back, I feel as though she will not be the remedy that I need to get out of this mess that I've wound up in once again. She's helped me before, I shouldn't be making my problems hers. She doesn't deserve that. I've thought about contacting Brad again, as it's his birthday at the end of this month. But I don't know, I think he's pissed off because of that stupid fake news site that I sent him.
Well done y//n, another thing you fucked up.
I'm sat in my favourite park in tree, high above anyone that's enjoying the sun below me. I'm sat on it with my legs up, facing sideways, reading a book. I'm surrounded by my favourite flowers, blue orchids, and the sound of birds and the wind. It's such a lovely day that it seemed stupid not to come here. I can't help but not pay full attention to my book in front of me, as I keep seeing images of curly brown hair and soft pink lips flicker in my brain. They shoot through my mind like shooting stars, making the words on the page in front of me wiggle and jumble. Everywhere I go there's something to remind me of something we did together, memories flooding back along with tears. I feel a single tear drip down my face at the thought of his hand clasped with mine, our lips pressed together, his hands in my hair.
I feel as though I HAVE to stay away, I'm scared of what he'll do if I don't. None of the boys have spoken to me since that stupid news website lied to everyone and since I left YouTube for a couple of weeks, other than the odd tweet of course where they've mentioned me. I get negative energy from most of the boys, apart from Con. He tweeted something that genuinely put a smile on my face.
@TheVampsCon: I'll be here. I still care. @Y/T/N.
He is one of my best mates and I care so much for him. He's helped me out but I fear speaking to him in case Brad or the others find out and get him in trouble. I don't want him to experience what I have.
Suddenly, I'm woken from my whirlwind of thoughts by the sound of rain hammering on the floor. I could stay here and get wet or I could stay dry and avoid being grumpy. I quickly check myself in my phone's camera and see a single line of mascara that has run down my face because of tears. I sigh and jump down from my hiding place in the tree, picking a blue orchid before I run off, my natural wavy hair flowing behind me as I run to shelter from the rain. My brown Chelsea boots make horse-like noises as they collide with the floor. "Oh, dear, come over here," I hear a distant voice say. I look up and see a mother with her young daughter, holding an umbrella. I smile and run over, dashing under the umbrella. "Thank you, I was getting cold out there," I say, smiling at the woman. I am only dressed in a dark blue skater skirt and a white tank top, as I planned my outfit for the warmer weather. "It's not a problem, I'm Maria by the way," She says, smiling warmly. she can't have been that much older than me, maybe early 30s or so. "Y/n," I say, returning the grin. "This is my daughter Chloe," she says gesturing to the young girl. She must have been 8 or so. "Hello," I say, leaning down to shake her hand. They walked me to a nearby coffee shop where I thank them for their help and take shelter, waiting for the next bus.
I arrive home and sit on my sofa, the same old question blaring in my brain.
Am I ready for Brad again?
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Irregular uploads :)
I'm uploading quite a lot because over the weekend and next week I won't be able to, so I want to do as much as I can this week.
I hope you like this story so far, I might carry on to about 75 chapters or so, as I might do a story like this for each of the boys.
I don't like this chapter but hey-ho.
Should I delete my The Vamps Preferences and my Joe Sugg stories? I don't really like Joe anymore so i don't update them. And they're shit.
Let me know what you think :)
-M xx
