At No Time || Bruno Mars

45

Trystan moaned as Derek gripped her hips, riding along him with an expertise she had developed over the time spent with him. She knew every kind of yell, whisper, and grasp she would have to do that would have him peaking and collapsing as she did the same beside him, her chest rising and falling, perspiration at her brow, unsatisfied.

She did not tell him this, as she kept many things from him in order to maintain the peace. There were too many things that she liked about him that she presumed telling him of his disappointments would dampen them, no matter how much she wanted to open her mouth and say it. She did not tell him that he often made her smile, but did not make her laugh, that sometimes he made her moan, but did not make her shake.

She was quiet as his arm pulled her closer though she would have felt better set free for the moment, but she listened as he spoke wearily, "I'm gonna be out of town for the next two weeks for business out in Florida. My plane leaves at nine."

Trystan's brow furrowed. That certainly had not been the kind of pillow talk she expected. She sat up slightly to look at him in his face, bothered that his disposition did not reflect any kind of atonement.

"Why are you just now telling me this?" she asked. "If I knew you'd be gone, I wouldn't've told Dew's babysitter that she could be off this week for vacation. I have to go into the office today. Who's gonna watch her?"

Derek sighed and ran a hand down his face. "This is why I said she should be in daycare. We wouldn't have to worry about getting someone to watch her."

Trystan groaned and moved away from him, gaining much needed air and space on her own, cool pillow. She looked up at the ceiling. This was not the first time Derek had pulled having to leave town unexpectedly, and was sure it would not be his last.

Though she trusted him, another part of her was wary of his acclaimed reasons, and a tinier, more- often-than-not-silenced part of her, did not care one way or another if another woman was laid up in his arms, seeking a pleasure she hardly got from him herself.

Maybe it was her regular check-ups that noted she was infection-free, or that she never had to deal with someone else in the picture because Derek was either actually being faithful or extremely careful, or because of Raina, or because she did not want to be lonely, that kept her with him.

Her love for him almost felt like a chore, something she had to wake up and do every day, knowing it had to get done to keep a nice home even when she did not feel like it. She knew love and had known a love that did not feel that way, but ashamed, she would rather work with what she had than be by herself again, longing for something out of reach.

"I think we need to see a couple's therapist," Trystan announced and braced for his reaction. It was an expected one.

"For what?" Derek asked, and she could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"The fact you have to ask proves that we need one."

He sat up, too, then, and tried searching her face in the moonlight of early morning. "What's up with you? You've never mentioned anything was wrong before. What did I do?"

His perplexity softened her, and she felt a little bad that her aggravating characteristic of impulsiveness still have not quelled over the years, but she answered truthfully nevertheless, "Before you say it, I know you love me, and I love you, too. All you've done for this house and Raina, I'm thankful for. I just feel like . . . we can love each other better. A relationship is supposed to be a loving partnership but sometimes it feels like we're just working. I really wanna be with you, but if I am, I wanna enjoy it more than I do now."

Derek said nothing for a long while, and even though Trystan did not feel she said anything wrong, she hoped she had not hurt his feelings. She reached over and brushed his cheek with the back of her fingers. "I wouldn't've told you this if I didn't love you, Derek."