Trying To Endure

Chapter Twenty

SONG: Maroon 5 - Cold

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Derek Matthews

"Male gaze, or female gaze, Mr Matthews?"

"Female gaze."

Victor Bonheur, a French stylist, smiles. In his fifties and willowy, eyes keen and stony, a skinny face, a hawk's beak for a nose. "The right answer."

Tanner is on the other side of the room, one of Bonheur's clients assessing him. "Who wants to be objectified, anyway?"

We are gathered in one of the parlours for a fitting of Bonheur's designs, on the ground floor. My initial prepared attire for the theatre charity was ruined: the buttons popped off with the strings and hurled and smacked Bonheur's left eye and watered, and a part of the shirt is cleaved.

"Indeed." Bonheur cups my jaw with his rough hands, turning it from side to side. "You want to shave your face? You have a slight stubble."

"Do you think it's necessary?"

"What is necessary is if you are dressing for others or for yourself. Which one is it?"

"For myself."

"The right answer again." He inspected the ruined dress shirt of my suit. "I have been working on this for six months, and you damaged it by this new body of yours." He tsks, shaking his head and heaves out a long, long sigh. "Not to worry."

"You can figure something out."

"Well, it is my job." He moves to a suitcase, rummaging. "You mind what colour you wear, or you still prefer black?"

"Black."

"How about gold?"

"Gold?"

"And black," speculates Bonheur.

"That would look good on him," agrees a stylist.

"Yes. Exceptionally good."

"Perhaps gold strings."

"Like the 2014 Met Gala set. You prefer masculine or feminine, Derek?"

"I don't mind. A balance of both, maybe."

"Stop saying 'I don't mind'. Tell me what you want and I'll design it for you quickly." He waves a hand at Tanner. "Take note of how Mr Matthews does mind."

"I—"

"You want your muscles to be accentuated?" he proceeds. "Tight, perhaps?"

"Something comfortable."

"Not tight?"

"Yes."

"And your new transformation?"

"I don't know."

He gives me a look.

"What? I really don't know."

He releases another dramatic sigh. "This is why you're one of my worst customers. Your uncertainty is exhausting." He swifts through his makeup set. "You like makeup? I remember you wore black eyeshadow for one of my catwalks."

"B-TEC Batman," says Tanner, and the stylists laugh.

I wore black eyeshadow, smudged around the lines of my eyes. It ... earned quite the attention of the public. 'Erotic,' teased Jasmine. "If it suits what I am going to wear."

"Fair enough. Ah, you need to do your eyebrows. Jewellery?"

"Rings."

"Hmm. Your Mother has a collection of riches, yes?"