Trying To Endure

Chapter Fourty

SONG: Missio - Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea

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April Levesque

The mellow chirps, the scrape and grind of doors awoke me to two, silky-ebony, enmeshed bodies. The curtains are draped close, the light dimmed. Obsidian spheres sparkle. Duke and Atlas raise their heads as I chuck hair strands off my face.

"Good morning," I say hoarsely, perceiving an empty space where I expected Derek to be. He must've woken up to do his daily workout routine.

Atlas whispers a bark, nuzzling into me. Duke grunt heavily grunts, envious, shoving his brother away and stealing his place. "You're a bit rude, Duke." He grunts again like, So? Atlas huffs. My fingers knead his head. "Thank you for staying with me." My other hand stroked Duke's back. "I didn't have nightmares about them for once."

Too many nightmares. An itching, vindictive cackle, his tongue moistening my cheek. Tearing me open all over again. It's my fault, anyway. If I didn't shut up, none of it would have happened. 

Atlas cocks his head sideways, bemused and fathoming. These dogs are as execrable and amorous as their owner. So enticing and cautious, so respectful, I kiss their heads. 

Duke happily howls — perhaps the first time I heard a sound other than a grumble from the distinguished gentleman. Atlas gives a quick, small lick of gratitude. 

I stay there for a while, allowing my body to slowly wake up, to slowly accustom, cuddling with his dogs as if they're mine. The glorious cuckoo clock serenaded the tenth hour. I carry the folded blanket and massive pillows to the girls' dorm room. The dogs scuttle downstairs, elated at the breakfast odour.

Naila, hands-on-hips, asked where I was. I sheepishly explained. She then briefed that Theo asked her out on a date. I exploded into a beam. She said yes! Everyone is either in a relationship or getting into one. I am ashamed to admit that I missed Roy's cuddles last night. The dogs gave it, and I wonder if they sensed the longing for affection, eros or not.

My friends crowd the ligneous table. The dogs munching their raw breakfast, Jackson and Theo nod in greeting. I smile back. Ines and Jasmine are preoccupied conversing. Naila is still freshening up. 

Derek is in a tank top and black sweatpants loosely swathed around his waist. The brothers like to cook — Tanner fries the eggs, battering a mashed potato mix, and Derek slices avocados, black hair over his glaciers, biceps and veins bulging, his back muscles, the coaxing dents and ... 

Oh, wow, isn't the ground so interesting?

He got a fat ass. 

Should I ask to smack it — 

I almost gasped at the thought. What! April, what was that? Smack it? 

Girl, get yourself together. Hell, go to church — 

Did I just put 'hell' and 'church' in one sentence? 

I close my eyes. 

Yes. 

Yes, I did.

A guy's ass is making me blush.

Jesus, forgive me, for I have sinned.

Last night, in the midst of our chatters and light-hearted bonding, I mentally compared Roy and Derek. Heart strings stretched and twisted, I discovered a difference. Roy is self-conceited, looks out for himself, prefers delayed gratification. I believed Roy was too good to be true due to that forced perfection. Realistically, that phrase suits Derek.