cherry blossoms || ot7 [#Wattys2017]

[not today]

Staring at the ceiling, Yoongi fiddles with his thumbs as he waits for him to text back. He starts to feel restless and checks his phone again. Nothing. Yoongi gets up from his bed, puts some skinny jeans on and paces the dorm room. Seokjin scoffs as he sees his friend feeling anxious.

"You know, you're creating a draft and you know how I feel about the cold," Seokjin smirks.

"Mian haeyo but you know how I feel about Jimin just leaving spontaneously," his eyebrows furrow together. "It's not like him to do that."

Seokjin sits up on the bed and rests his elbows on his thighs. He runs his hands on his face as he sighs. "You, of all people, should know that the incident holds the biggest toll on Jimin. He lost his best friend; he lost a brother. Taehyung meant everything to Jimin and to come so close to saving him," Seokjin hesitates as he chokes on his own words, "it's the worst feeling in the world. Fuck, if we were just a bit faster..." his fists clench as he grits his teeth.

Yoongi doesn't know how to respond because he knows exactly how Seokjin feels. He wants to blame himself for everything and everyone feels he same way as well. Each member of the group wants to blame themselves rather than each other, but he couldn't imagine how Jimin feels. Yoongi can't help but feel Jimin slipping from him and he vows to find a way to get him back to the way he was.

Everyone misses Jimin. He hasn't disappeared or anything; if anything, it's worse than that. He's lifeless and doesn't want to talk to any of his hyungs, especially Yoongi. Right next to Taehyung, Yoongi has the closest relationship with Jimin and he treasures that with all his life. Ever since their vacation to Incheon, Jimin has never been the same. Every mile they got closer to Seoul that day, the more the glisten and laughter in his eyes disappeared. Everyone changed a little bit that day, but Jimin turned into a completely different person. He doesn't even recognize the boy who lives with him.

Seokjin's biggest concern with Jimin is that he isn't eating as much anymore. He already caught Jimin not eating because he never felt comfortable with his body and so he dieted. Jimin finally started eating regularly and Seokjin has noticed the difference but now Jimin's reverting back to his old habits and he's lost weight again. Seokjin bites his lower lip and makes eye contact with the younger boy.

"I-I know...," Yoongi breaks the stare. "We all regret that day. Things might've been different and maybe, he'd still be here with us." He feels drops of water on his clenched fists and he's surprised by the fact that he's crying. This is the first time he's cried ever since the incident because Yoongi's bottled up everything and made sure he puts a brave face for Jimin. He's been numb about the whole situation and Yoongi finally feels the thawing of his heart; it's come in the form of tears.

Just as Seokjin is about to tell Yoongi something, they hear the door open and slam. Only one person has been slamming the door like that: Jimin. Yoongi pokes his head out the door to see Jimin rummaging through the refrigerator. He looks back to his hyung and Seokjin makes a face to urge Yoongi to go and talk to Jimin. Terrified, he shakes his head no but Seokjin pushes him out the door and Yoongi stumbles on his own feet.

"Wow. Drunk already and it's not even," Jimin checks his phone, "three in the afternoon," he scoffs without amusement in his tone. Yoongi has noticed that a lot: Jimin cracks jokes and makes sarcastic remarks but there's no humor and there's no malice either; it's just a monotonous voice that's apathetic to the world, even nihilistic.

Yoongi ignores the comment as he grabs a water bottle from the fridge and cracks open the seal by twisting the cap. Before he can take a sip, Jimin takes the water bottle out of his hand and drinks half of it before giving it back to Yoongi. He clenches his teeth out of frustration but he lets it slide because it's Jimin. Deep down inside, he knows that the same lovable boy is in there and he's determined to bring him back.

"So where did your adventure take you today?" Yoongi places his hands under his chin to support his head as he watches Jimin eat an apple at the kitchen counter.

"Nowhere special. Just walked." Another bite of the apple. Jimin sidesteps to the left and walks towards his dorm.

"Won't you tell me about your day?"

Jimin turns around and bites the apple again. "Not today. I don't feel like it. I'm tired. Good night hyung."

"But we haven't had dinner yet! Seokjin hyung is making something good tonight," Yoongi struggles to grasp the younger's attention. He's losing this fight with him.

"I'm not hungry. Besides," he waves at the half-eaten apple, "I'm eating this apple. I'll be fine for a couple of hours." With that, Jimin walks to the dorm he used to share with Taehyung but now it's as empty as if it was never occupied. Jimin keeps to himself in that room. No one really knows what goes on in that room and no one dares to enter that room but they hope nothing bad is going on behind tat closed door. It's like a shrine and a coffin for Jimin. With every passing day, he reminisces on the days he and Taehyung would stay up playing video games or just talk about their problems. Other days, he feels the walls constrict his body tighter and tighter as he remembers that Taehyung is never going to come through that door ever again with his boxy smile and cheeky personality. Jimin knows that his hyungs probably think he's doing something bad in the dorm, but every night, he cries on Taehyung's bed.

Obviously, Jimin blames himself for everything that's happened to Taehyung. They could've made it if they were a bit faster and if they just moved without hesitation. Maybe if Jimin was a bit more rash with his decisions, Taehyung would still be here. He'd still be here in this very room, sharing secrets and laughter. They'd still be messing around; even though they're adults now, they would still act like the children that they are. They'd relive the high school days and even their reckless college days. Jimin works hard in the group for Taehyung. He's going to live the dream Taehyung and Jungkook had as kids; he'll do everything he can to make sure they make it to America one day. it might not happen today or tomorrow, but it'll happen one day and when that day comes, Jimin will feel the guilt fall off his shoulders for everything that happened.

"For TaeTae," Jimin whispers as he wraps himself in Taehyung's sheets that still faintly smell like him and falls asleep crying.

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