To Elysia - The 100 season 5 - A bellarke story

Breeding Paideia - Part 1

Abby's eyes fluttered open, gazing upon Clarke "I'm ok..........it's ok".
Abby's words shocked Clarke backwards. She threw her arms around her mother in a moment of happiness.
"I'm....... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to get hurt"
Clarke whimpered, her eyes welling.

"It's not you're fault. I was just trying to protect you" Abby croaked as she sat upright, rubbing her forehead, grimacing a little at the pain.
Clarke's eyes darted as she scanned her thoughts, they narrowed slightly, her brow furrowing.

"Clarke, honestly, I'm fine. We will decide on what to do with him in the morning" Abby spoke softly as she stood, resting her hand on Clarke's shoulder.
Clarke blinked, hanging her head slightly.

"I'll take care of her Clarke, I think you really should rest" Kane added reassuringly, helping Abby to the doorway.
Clarke nodded, swallowing hard. Her head spinning more aggressively than ever. She couldn't think straight.
"Be ready in the hall at noon" Kane called over his shoulder as he carried Abby across the camp.
Clarke nodded again, before making a beeline for her hut. All she could think about was the death, her mind tormenting her with guilt, she felt weak and she hated herself for it.
Clarke closed the door behind her, walking over to her desk, before sitting amongst a pile of sketches.
Her hands moved across the desk slowly, her fingers gripping onto a picture of her loved ones as she slid it across toward her.
A wave of guilt rushed over her as she studied their lovingly sketched charcoal features.
Why is it, when she is around, everyone she cares about ends up hurt or dead?
Clarke blinked back tears as she remembered those she had lost. Was she cursed? Was there such a thing? Almost everyone that she had ever loved had been ripped away from her, usually meeting a bitter end.

A gentle knock to the door snapped her from her thoughts.
"Clarke?"
It was Bellamy.
He was proof enough, following her in to battle whenever the need arose, being shot, stabbed, kidnapped.  Clarke swallowed, the guilt and sadness rushing over her.
She needed to distance herself from him, for his own sake. She couldn't lose him.

"Clarke??" Bellamy opened the door, peering in hesitantly.
Clarke looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes red from the tears. She smiled gently, gesturing for him to come in.

Bellamy observed Clarke sat at her desk.
He knew those eyes, he knew her body language. The way she sat with her shoulders tensed. She was punishing herself, distancing herself again.

"That wasn't your fault Clarke" Bellamy said quietly, as if reading her thoughts. He walked over towards her, standing a couple of feet behind her chair.
"It was.........." Clarke blurted, holding back the tears.
"If I had waited....... allowed Kane to interrogate him instead......." Clarke continued as she pushed the picture across the desk away from her, closing her eyes.

"Our people are out there somewhere, every second that passes could be the difference between life and death."
Bellamy reassured Clarke as his brow furrowed.
Clarke snorted in amusement.
"That's the problem, everything I do to try and protect them........ it just ends up with more people getting hurt.....People I care about"

Bellamy swallowed, he couldn't console her, he knew his words were of little use right now.
He reached his hand out to her shoulder in comfort.
Clarke winced, pulling away from his touch suddenly.
"You're hurt?" Bellamy exclaimed as he moved quickly to take a better look, crouching down beside her.
Clarke's eyes narrowed as she looked at her shoulder, before lifting her top away from her neck to get a better look.
"Let me see" Bellamys hands took over from Clarke's as he peeled the bloodied cloth away from her skin tentatively.
Clarke gritted her teeth as she sucked in a breath quickly, looking away from the pain.