Wicked Game (Dean Ambrose Fan Fic)

2 Weeks Later

Jon's POV: 

I sat holding her hand. I haven't moved in 2 weeks. She was finally able to breathe on her own and the doctor wanted to let her wake up when she was ready. I was just relieved that she was going to live. Josh had showed up a week ago. It was kind of awkward because he still loved her. I refused to leave and I'm so exhausted. I didn't want to leave especially with Josh here. I wanted to be here when she woke up, but I did need a break. 

"Josh, I'm going to step out for a minute. I need a break."

He nodded "You've been non stop for 2 weeks Jon. Go home and eat, take a shower and get some rest. She's not going anywhere."

"No. I'm just going to have a cigarette and buy a soda. Text..."

"Yeah I know...text you if anything happens"

I went to the cafeteria and bought a Coke and went outside to smoke. I kept thinking about how much I'd hurt her over the years. At first it didn't seem like such a big deal. I didn't really care. I used her over and over and over and she knew it and yet she still loved me. Part of me wishes she didn't love me so much. It makes me feel so guilty for everything I've done. The reality is that I don't deserve her at all. She's the only girl I've ever really loved and I want to be with her. But the minute I feel like she's getting too close I start to back off. Then it just becomes a game to me and she ends up devastated and hurt. It's no wonder why everyone is always trying to keep her away from me. Truthfully I'd rather her be with Josh than with me. But the funny thing is she's just as bad as I am when it comes to him.  I actually felt kind of bad for Josh because he truly and completely loves her and she uses him to distract herself from me. She plays the same games with him, but unlike me it makes her feel guilty. I sat back against the wall and put out my cigarette. My eyelids started to get heavy and I fell asleep. 

I jolted awake and looked at my phone. I had been down here for over an hour and I missed a ton of texts from Josh. "Shit!" I rushed back upstairs and bumped right into Josh as I turned the corner

"Jesus there you are. You alright? I was worried you took off and weren't coming back"

"Yeah I fell asleep downstairs. Sorry. She woke up?"

"Yeah. But not for long. She's sleeping."

I opened the door and walked over to her. I caressed her cheek and gently kissed her lips as I had done every day for the past week and a half and whispered 

"I'm still here Ashley. I'll always be here. I love you."

I held her hand and sat down. She stirred and lightly squeezed my hand. I stood up just as she opened her eyes. I smiled and she half smiled

"There you are. I missed you."

She half smiled again and started looking around the room. My heart sank because I knew what she was looking for

"Josh?"

She nodded

"He's not here. He left for a while. It's just me. Did you want me to leave?"

She stared at me for a second and shook her head. At least she didn't want me to go. I wonder how much she remembers from that night?  I was hoping she didn't remember anything. I helped her drink some water and I sat with her for a minute. There was so much I wanted to say, but I had a feeling that it wasn't going to matter. Her voice was barely a whisper

"....how long?"

"Two weeks. Ashley there's something..."

Josh walked in and her eyes lit up. It broke my heart. Her eyes used to light up like that when I walked in the room. Now there was nothing and I realized that the best thing that I could do at this point was leave. I let go of her hand and kissed her cheek and started to leave

"Jon where are you going?"

He walked over to me. My head was down and I was trying to keep it together. I had just spent two weeks non stop with her and it was for nothing. I suddenly knew how she felt every time I turned her away or broke her heart. 

"She wants you Josh. There's no place for me with her. There never was. Just take care of her please."

"Jon...don't leave. She loves you and..."

"Not anymore. I need to go."