Constraint >>H.S

Chapter 50

I were lying with my back against Harry. I just came back from my first medication and my whole body were in pain. Not an hour has gone without Harry being by my side. This is not the way I wanted to live nor was it this way I wanted to see Harry. He asked me every minute if I was in pain and the answer were always the same. A nod.
His eyes were red from crying and he had a multiple of panic attacks and I couldn't even help much myself. The doctors had to pull him into another room to calm him down and to let him do what he needed to.

I have been seeing new pinch marks in his arms and I've tried to remind him of step one but he just told me with his cracking voice that he did not care anymore and that the only thing he cared about was me. I have to admit it felt good to have him here though but I wanted him to go home to his family because they didn't know what happened yesterday and I needed him to get some sleep but he resisted.

As I laid there in my bed with closed eyes I felt Harry's hand on my back. I opened my eyes and but my lip hard. I didn't want to cry,I couldn't let myself cry anymore.

Don't cry Alli please don't cry. I thought to myself.

His hand stroke up and down my back and it felt like my heart was going to burst by the thought of never being able to touch Harry again,to kiss him,to hug him,to talk to him and hear his voice. Everything will be gone like any of this never existed,like I never existed or like me and Harry never existed.

"Harry..." I mumbled and bite my lip hard.

"Yeah?...are you thirsty is there anything you need?" I sighed out in pain as I moved over to my back and tilted my head to see him. He looked so tired and weak,I hated it.

"Harry when I am gone please don't act like you are losing everything because I want you to be strong and I want you to show everyone how strong you are..." Harry went quiet and he sat back in his chair just looking at me. Slowly he shook his head and huffed.

"You cant just tell me that I can't feel that because that is exactly what is happening here right now Alli...I-I am about t-to lose everything" he sobbed and his eyes teared up.
"What a-am I going t-to do without y-you Alli?" He broke and shook his head before hiding his face in his hands.

I didn't know what to say or do. It's like all my emotions and all my thoughts and my ability to think has been slowed down after yesterday. I wasn't myself at all and I'd never be.

"I need you to do something for me and I want you...no I need you to say yes" I sighed out. He nodded and looked down on me.
"Please go home and sleep...spend time with your family" Harry opened his mouth to talk but I fast stopped him.
"Please" I teared up making him bite his lip.

"You know that I'll come back after that..." he mumbled and placed a soft kiss to my lips. He frowned and shook his head.
"Your lips are cold..." I smiled sadly and nodded before kissing him again.

"Now go please...say hi from me to Anne,Robin and Gemma will you?" He sighed out and nodded slowly.
"Okay...good...I'll get myself some sleep" he got up from the chair and walked towards the door and opened it.

I sighed out and closed my eyes tightly.
"Alli?" I opened up my eyes again and looked up to him.
"I love you" he sobbed. I gave him a sad smile and nodded.

"I love you too" and with that he left the room.

It wasn't to hard to fall asleep since my body was completely out of strength but I didn't heft more than 39 minutes of painless sleep before I woke up again. I wanted To call my dad but he would freak out so maybe I should've just called Dylan so that's what I did.

I pressed my phone to my ear and closed my eyes.

"Heeeey Alli,we really missed you" I smiled small at my brothers happy voice and chuckled out lightly.

"Hi...I miss you too. Dylan I have to tell you something...I don't want you to freak out..." The other end of the line went quiet for a second.

"Yeah?...Are you pregnant or?" He laughed making me smiled small but tear up.

"I-I wish that was the c-case here" I laid my hand over my eyes and sobbed in,trying to avoid crying.

"Alli?...what is going on?" I sobbed in and shook my head for myself.
"Alli talk to me...seriously" Dylan coughed nervously.

"I-I have cancer..." the line went quiet and I couldn't hear anything.

"What the hell are you s-saying Alli?" Dylan said with a calm voice,well he tried.

"I-I have lung cancer" that's when I heard Dylan broke.

"N-no!...No Alli don't joke with me l-"

"Dylan I-I'd never joke about this!" I almost yelled but stopped myself since I almost couldn't breath.

"P-please say y-you won't die Alli,not like mother" I went quiet and I didn't know what to say or how to tell but it seemed like I didn't have to since Dylan broke down. He understood by the silence I just caused.

"H-how long?! HOW FUCKING LONG ALLI?!" I shut my eyes tightly and threw the phone hard onto the wall right after hanging up. I totally broke down and I almost couldn't breath because of the shape of my lungs.

I grabbed onto the pillow and sat up,burrowing my face into the soft material. I was never gonna see my dad again,I was never gonna see Dylan again and I'd never see Harry again. But I knew something and that is that I had to say goodbye to my loved once. I didn't want what happened to me and my mother. I wanted them to say goodbye too.