Do You Still Love Me

All I've Ever Known

Author's note~ Thank you all for your kind words that you all left on the last chapter it really helped me get back into gear and it brightened my night knowing that you all really like what I do. It brought tears to my eyes, happy ones and it restored my motivation to write. I want to keep writing, not just because it's what I like doing, but because apparently other people like what I do as well. You all helped me realize that. I've always wanted to help people with the stories I write, whether people use them as an escape from reality or a lesson that is learned. I wanted to make a difference with my writing, and I thought I could only do that if the stories were 100% original, but you all showed me that's not the case. Also sorry the chapter was a little late I was a bit busier than normal this week with learning drivers ed (I should have learned it earlier I'm already almost 18) and figuring out what I'm going to do after senior year and hadn't finished it until the last minute. Anyways, sorry for another really long author's note thank you all again so so much for what you said and I hope you enjoy the chapter, and the rest of the story.~ Lawliet TJ

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Eren found packing his things harder than he had imagined. It hurt more than he had ever imagined to leave Levi, the only person he had ever truly loved. The only person who ever truly loved him, or so he had thought until recently. He found that half way into packing his things his eyes were too blurry to see anything. He had to continue packing, but it was so hard his legs literally refused to move and he sat there as he felt helpless against his own emotions.

He sat on the floor trying to get himself to stop crying but to no avail. He felt as his time ticked away as he sat there. He got up and began packing his things despite not being able to see much of anything. He had to force his legs up. On wobbly knees, he marched back into the closet to finish what he started. He had to finish before Levi got home, he just had too. He fought with his own body as the tears blinded him and his knees threatened to give with every step he took.

He cleared out two drawers rather quickly, leaving one left as he finally gave into the strain of his legs. Falling back to the ground he put his head in his hands.

"What am I doing?" Eren asked himself. "Can I even live a life without Levi," Eren finally asked himself out loud, the question that has been in the back of his mind for a while now. "He's all I've ever known," Eren whispered before trying to think back for a time before Levi, but his mind kept drawing blanks. 'I've known him for eight years now, and I've been dating him for a little over four years. I can't even remember a time before Levi,' Eren thought bringing his knees up to his chest.

"What am I going to do?" Eren asked himself. "I can't stay here, no matter what I can't do that to myself," Eren said as his tears fell faster. The panic had started to set in. "Wake up, come on wake up Eren, you're dreaming," He told himself. "You have to be," he said as his breathing got more rapid. "This can't be happening," he said with a strained voice through jagged breaths. His hands gripped at his hair and he found himself in the middle of another attack.

There was no mistaking it, as much as Eren wished, he could see no alternative to what Levi could be up to. The evidence was all there. The lies, the secrets, the lipstick, even the phone call where he confessed his love to someone else. As hard as Eren had searched for an excuse, for a reason that Levi would be acting the way he was nothing he could think of seemed to come together.

"Lies," Eren breathed out, "everything was a lie," he said between his scattered breaths. "He doesn't love me, he never did, how stupid was I, to believe he loved me, that he actually cared," Eren said shaking. "He just pitied me, that's all this was, pity. I mean hell I'd pity me too," Eren said between his panicked breaths and clenched teeth.

He took some breaths to try to stop his mind from continuing on and throwing him further into his anxiety attack. He needed to calm himself and finish packing. At this rate, he would never finish. "One more drawer to go," Eren said with a shaky breath forcing himself back to his feet once more. He took a deep breath and made his way over to the closet. He looked at the last pile of clothes and carried a few clothes at a time to the suitcase. He made a few trips from the drawer to the suitcase and back again. He didn't want to risk unfolding any of the neatly folded clothing it would just make his job harder and it would be harder to get everything packed.

He went back to the drawer to see one last article of clothing in there. The shirt stared back at him and as he was reaching out for it, it finally clicked. The first isn't the hardest, it's the last. Upon picking up the piece of clothing he felt his heart break entirely. The last few pieces that were untouched and had remained together had finally shattered into pieces.

Eren fell to his knees right there in the closet as he hugged the shirt, the last piece of clothing that was in his-Levi's house. This wasn't his house anymore, it feels like it hasn't been since he found out. He didn't belong here, he wasn't wanted here anymore. The more he cried the tighter he hugged the shirt. He truly was alone, this truly was the end.

Eren didn't keep track of time as he was sitting there crying his eyes out. He stopped caring for the moment. He couldn't hold back his emotions. It hurt too much. This past week had been a living hell for him. Not only did his depression come back, but he found out the love of his life was cheating on him, for god knows how long. He also was going to have to quit his job for his own mental health, because if he didn't he would drive himself insane seeing the person that broke him all day every day. He also knew that he would have to cut out to people in his life that he loved dearly because they were Levi's friends first. It would be way to difficult to keep being friends with them. He loved Jean, Marco, and Armin to death, but he couldn't stay with him forever. He would have to leave, what then? He would really be alone. One problem kept popping up after another.

He eventually passed out with how shallow his breathing had gotten that he wasn't taking in enough oxygen. He slumped over against the closet's wall with his grip still around the t-shirt and his legs tucked under him.

His eyes shot open and he was met with a searing headache. He stood up on his now numbed legs. He staggered as he tried to balance on his legs that had fallen asleep from the awkward position he was sitting in. He had scolded himself mentally for letting himself get so worked up that he passed out... again. He hated when he got like this, but then again who could blame him. He was going through a really hard time in his life, he was making a big decision that was painful to go through with.

He cursed as he finally made it to his phone. There were a few missed messages and a missed call. They were from none other than Levi, of course. The person Eren wanted nothing to do with at the moment. He didn't even bother to check the pop-up messages that littered his screen. Instead, he checked the time to see how long he had until Levi would be getting home.

School ends in a little over 45 minutes. So I have at least an hour until he gets here.

Eren told himself he would spend the rest of the time cleaning himself up and hiding all evidence that he was packing and crying. He picked up his suitcases and hid them in the spare bedroom. He set them back in the closet and closed the door. He knew that Levi wouldn't check in there and he would have a hard time telling that Eren had already packed up.

The way their closet was set up there was two doors that opened up and revealed six drawers on either side. There was also an area to hang items directly above that. In the center of the closet, there were two different sets of 4 shelves split down the middle meant to put shoes and or hats of sorts, or that's at least what they had used them for.

Their closet doors were mostly closed or barely cracked open at night. When Levi went in to get something he wouldn't even turn on the light instead he would grab from his drawer only opening his side's door. In the dark room, Levi wouldn't be able to tell that the other half of the closet, that would be hidden in shadows, was completely empty.

Eren was already in pajamas from the night before, and he knew he could get away with wearing the same sweats and shirt from the night before one more night to avoid "getting his clothes" from the now emptied closet.

Eren had finished hiding the suitcases and closed the spare bedroom's door before walking back into the bedroom. He was about to head into the bathroom to start washing his face and making sure there was no trace of tears when he spotted his phone lying on the bed. His thoughts still racing from earlier. One thought, in particular, popped in his head. 'You know you can talk to me about anything,' Jean had said earlier.

Eren picked up his phone and quickly typed in the familiar number with shaky hands. He anxiously waited as he heard the phone ringing. One ring, two ri- an answer.

'That was fast,' Eren thought.

"Hello? Jean?" Eren asked shyly as the other line connected.