99 skinny (rewritten) // adopted by 5sos

fifteen // 112.3 lbs

"depression is feeling like you've lost something but having no clue when or where you last had it. then one day you realize what you lost is yourself."

C A L U M

After finding Daisy in the bathroom forcing herself to throw up and then crying on my shoulder when I came in, I was left with a feeling of deep sadness. I had trudged to my room and locked the door behind me, then sat on my bed and just cried.

She was so young, and her innocence had been ruined by this horrible mental illness she had. She didn't deserve to have her life literally ruined over this. She didn't deserve to suffer and live through the pain of it.

I didn't know what to do; I hated myself for telling her I wouldn't tell Ashton when I knew I'd have to. Her life literally depended on me now.

***

D A I S Y

Monday came around, as much as I didn't want it to. As my morning routine, I got up and straight after I used the bathroom I weighed myself.

112.3. I had gone up a pound. Biting my lip, I struggled to hold back tears as I stepped off the scale. If Ashton kept making me eat it would only be a matter of time before 112 turned to 199 and I'd be a whole 100 pounds away from my goal weight.

I didn't have time to cry, so I wiped any tears that escaped and tried to go on with my day.

C A L U M

I hated keeping secrets from the boys. They're my best friends – even brothers – and they knew everything. Between the four of us, there were no secrets, no lies, just trust. That's why keeping Daisy's secret was eating away at me for the whole day.

Every time I saw Ashton I was reminded of the dark secret, even though I thought about it nearly every second of the day. How long could I keep this up? Surely not for long, since Daisy is in danger.

"Are you okay, man?" Ashton asked, looking up at me over his phone.

Michael and Luke paused the video game they had been playing to turn and look at me too.

My mind raced, along with my heart. Daisy is at school. Now would be my chance to tell.

"Uh, yeah, why?" I lied, chewing at my lip.

"I can tell you're lying," Ashton furrowed his eyebrows. "Cal, you can tell us anything and we'll be there for you. Always."

"It's nothing really. I'm... Um, just homesick," the memory of Ashton's plans to leave America popped into my head, and I went along with it.

"I am too," Ashton sighed, pausing when Michael and Luke chimed in to agree. "But we'll be home soon."

"Are we really just going to leave? Daisy already has friends here and everything," Luke bit his lip, turning to look at Ash.

"I think so," Ashton nodded.

"Shït guys. I still haven't even told her about Evie," Ashton added, shaking his head in disbelief. "I just don't know how to tell her."

My mind went to what really had me upset.

I just don't know how to tell you, Ashton.

***

"Maybe I can help her?" I mumbled to myself, staring up at the ceiling. "Ashton would never find out if I helped her myself."

Could I really help a 15 year old girl with an eating disorder? She needed professional help, not an inexperienced person like me.

I rolled over in my bed so I was on my side, and stared at the window. Ashton and Luke would be back from picking her up at any second.

Why couldn't I just tell Ashton? Was I scared it would ruin Daisy and I's relationship? That she'd hate me? A part of me didn't care if she hated me for it, because her health was more important. The other part was holding back for a reason I was unsure of.

D A I S Y

"We're home!" Ashton cried into the house as Luke shut the front door behind us.

"Hi!" Michael yelled back and came bounding down the stairs.

"Where's Cal?" Luke asked and kicked his shoes off before following us all into the kitchen.

"He's upstairs," Michael said. "I walked by his room earlier and I heard him crying. Something is really bothering him and I don't know what to do."

My ears peeked up. Calum had been crying?

"He's homesick," Luke said as he reached inside the fridge to grab a drink.

"No, this is something else. I know it," Michael chewed at his fingernail. "He's been sad lately and he's acting like something is bothering him."

Knowing Calum was upset nagged at me for the rest of the day. Was it because of me? I realized how much of a burden I had become to Calum, him being the only one that knew. It wasn't fair to him.

Regardless, I just couldn't tell Ashton. Maybe it was the shame, the guilt? Not wanting his sympathy? I did know, however, that one of the reasons was because I didn't want to get better.

And it made me feel selfish.

***

"You're disgusting," Ashton spat, delivering a harsh blow to my stomach.

"A failure," Michael chimed in, striking me with his fists.

"You starve yourself and you aren't even skinny," Luke slapped me.

"You just want attention," Calum shoved me so my head banged into the wall.

I sobbed, curling up into a ball on the floor and wishing for the boys to stop their abuse.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'll try harder."

"Why did I even adopt you?" Ashton sarcastically laughed.

"Max even left you because of how pathetic you are," Luke pointed off to the distance.

I found Max, staring into the eyes of a girl much prettier than I, with a small smile on his beautiful face.

"No," I cried. "Please stop."

"Look at yourself," Ashton's foot collided with my head. "You're a failure. Maybe that's why your parents abandoned you. Maybe that's why Ruby has a family and you don't."

The four boys walked away, leaving me broken on the floor.

I am a failure.

***

bit of a heavy chapter lolol sorry mates

i'm not sure when i'll update again because i'm currently out of town for the next like whole week so i apologize :)

i hope you enjoyed this chapter in all of its rushed glory :D

stay positive. ily <3