four // 122.6 lbs

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"haven't you taken enough from me? won't you torture someone else's dreams?"

- anathema by twenty one pilots


"Um, did anyone else find that kinda weird?" Luke asked.

"Weird? What do you mean?" I questioned, looking over at him.

"Who the hell is allergic to tomato sauce?" Calum asked. "And she's only had one thing to eat this whole day, and it was at an orphanage so..."

"She could just be too nervous to eat," I pointed out.

"But she's so tiny," Luke cut in.

"Let's not go around saying things when we've only known her for like two hours," Michael said, causing us all to nod in agreement.

"You're right," I sighed, resting my chin on my hand.

"Still weird," Calum quietly said.


(trigger warning) My legs felt like jelly, my stomach and legs burned, and I thought I would roll over and throw up at any minute; but I was proud. Proud of how many calories I had probably just burned, proud of how much I had pushed myself, proud because if I kept going like this I'd eventually be that beautiful skinny girl you pass on the street.

I stood and felt a wave of nausea and tried to rush to the bathroom as fast as possible. Locking the door behind me I quickly bent over the toilet and braced myself. I stood there, gagging over and over but nothing came out.

It made me happy that there was nothing in my stomach for me to throw up. I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back into a pony tail, exhausted and ready to sleep again.

Just as I had turned off all the lights and settled into bed a knock came from the door, causing me to mentally groan. I rolled over, watching the door open and Ashton walk in.

"Hey. Tomorrow we can go shopping for a few things for you and the house," Ashton said.

I nodded.

"So, how are you liking it here so far?" Ashton came over. "Mind if I sit?"

I shook my head and scooted over, making room. "It's nice here."

Ashton sat beside me and let out a content sigh. "That's good. We're really happy to have you here and I hope you are too."

"Luke and Michael are obnoxious, and Calum seems kind of moody and quiet but he's actually really nice and outspoken," Ashton smiled fondly as he talked about his friends.

"I know you're tired so I'll let you sleep. Goodnight Daisy," Ashton patted my bed and stood back up, walking across the room.



"You'll never be good enough," Ruby snickered, her eyes alight with hatred. "That's why nobody wanted you. That's why mom and dad abandoned us. You were too much of a burden."

"No, Ruby," I choked out, feeling tears run down my cheeks.

"You're fat, and ugly, and you bring too many problems with you wherever you go. That's why you've been sitting in that orphanage for years and I haven't," Ruby spat. "You're a freak and nobody will ever want you."

"That's not true. Stop saying that," I cried, furiously wiping my face.

"It is true and you know it."

I woke up with a start. My pillow was soaked with my own tears and choked sobs came out from my parted lips. My body curled itself into a pathetic ball, and I struggled to breathe normally. I was a sweating, crying, choking mess. This happened often when I had these dreams.

Some nights they'd be about my parents and my sister, the girls at the orphanage, or all of my insecurities. It was suffocating, scary, ruined my self esteem.

The door creaked open and the light flicked on.

"Daisy? Are you okay?" Ashton's worried voice came from the door. "Michael woke me up because he could hear you coughing and everything."

I peeked up to see Michael worriedly watching from behind Ashton. When I didn't respond Ashton came over and sat down beside me, gently pushing the covers away so he could see me.

"Daisy? Calm down, please," Ashton pleaded. I could see the panic in his eyes and how he moved.

Michael came over and I noticed how he was the same way; unsure, scared and confused. I was a burden and the thought made me cry more.

"What do I do?" Ashton panicked, turning to look at Michael.

"I don't know!" he cried defensively.

"Just like... Calm her down or something," Michael bit at his fingernail.

Ashton's hand gently rubbed up and down on my back and he quietly shushed me. After about a minute of that I had calmed down and went dead silent. I was left with the pain of knowing the sad truth, but I had cried all of the tears I could.

"She's okay now," Ashton calmly told Michael. "Go back to bed."

"Alright... I'm just next door if you need me," Michael slowly walked out.

"I'll stay here with you," Ashton whispered and crawled up beside me, sitting in the empty spot.

He stayed up even after I fell asleep, just rubbing my back and making sure I'd be okay. I lied there, feeling his hands gently run through my hair and across my back.

"We'll talk tomorrow," I heard him whisper right as my eyes finally fluttered closed and I fell back asleep.


rewritting 99 skinny is literally so painful ugajajksksls

idk what to talk about so like hii

qotd: if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

aotd: hawaii tbh

stay positive. ily <3

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