The English Teacher {Student/Teacher}

Chapter 27 - Charlotte

“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.”

 

- Plato

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Chapter 27 - Charlotte

May 20. Finals week. It’s only Tuesday and I’ve already taken two of the tests, getting English and Spanish out of the way. I’m so stressed out that I’m afraid my hair will start falling out. I’ve been running on coffee to stay up late at night or really early in the morning, depending on how you view it, to study and make sure that I know everything.

I’ve barely spoken to Ashton which would please Mother but it doesn’t please me or Ash. I purposely ignore his texts and calls so I can get as much information soaked up as possible. The only time I’ll talk to him is before and after his class and that’s usually just ‘why didn’t you return my calls?’ ‘I was studying,’ and then me leaving so I could study my way through my next class.

If I don’t do well on my finals, I probably won’t get to go to UofM in the fall. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to pay for it. It’s about $30,000 per year and I’m going for five years which adds up to $150,000 and that’s a lot of money. But I did get a scholarship, giving me $10,000 for four years, knocking it down to $110,000 for the whole five years. I wish I was born in a family of money so I could pay for it easier but instead, my family was poor and was always poor. We never got out of it.

Luckily, tomorrow I have two more finals which means I only have one left after that. After that, the only thing I have to worry about is graduation before getting ready for college.

Life is actually terrible. We spend eighteen years preparing for college and then we get a job and work until we retire which is basically just waiting to die. It’s actually kind of scary. If you want to change your job or what you’re doing you have to go through the college process again. We don’t get a break until retirement which is only forty years away from now. Eighteen years seemed long enough, but when I double that, I get to my retirement. I wish there was college or something when you’re forty; twenty years from retirement. It would help mix things up.

When I realise that I’m thinking and not studying, I immediately turn off my thoughts and focus on absorbing the information in front of me because that’s what really matters. I can’t change how life works, so why bother thinking about it?

“Charlotte?” A voice comes from my door. My head snaps up to see Ashton with a worried look on his face. I was only wearing my pajamas, my shirt saying “go away” and light blue shorts with small hearts on them. I had ankle socks, my hair in the messiest bun ever and my glasses on. In short, I looked like shit. Mugs that once contained coffee were scattered around my room with papers all over the place; some even taped to the wall. If I were him, I’d be worried too.

“Hi,” I say, not realising I had completely stopped working and decided to stare at him.

“Are you okay?” He says, walking towards me, looking around my room. “We’re worried about you.”

“Who’s we?”

“Me, your mom, Chase, Poppy, Liam and even Max.” He says, sitting down in front of me after moving away a textbook and a few notebooks.

“I’m fine, just studying.”

“You’ve been studying your entire life; this is over studying and it’s bad for you.”

“I’m fine, just a little worried. I need to do well.” I say, drinking more of my coffee that’s running out. I need to go make more.

“Have you eaten? When was the last time you ate?”

I think for a moment, “This morning.” I respond. It’s almost 10 pm. I had never really thought about eating because I’ve been so busy with the studying that I’d forgotten.

“Come on.” He said, standing up and holding his hand out.

“Where are we going?” I take his hand and stand up. My legs ache from sitting for so long so I stretch them out.

“McDonalds. We’re going to stay there for an hour and you’re going to drink water and eat something.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He says sternly, leading me out of my room. I guess I could spare an hour. I’m quite hungry and I miss spending time with Ashton.

“Can’t I change first?” I ask him, looking down at my pajamas. He sighs and lets go of my hand.

“Two minutes.”

I go back into my room and put a pair of sweatpants over the thin shorts.I didn’t need to worry so much; I mean, who would be at McDonald’s at 10 pm?! Well there’s Ashton and I but we’re crazy and he technically forced me.The drive was only about five minutes, which Ashton filled with talking about how worried they are and how this isn’t healthy. As much as I hate to say it, I tuned most of it out. I know that they’re worried, I don’t need it repeated a million times.

“What do you want, Char?” Ashton asks me.

“Just some chicken nuggets and fries.” I say. Even though it’s 10 pm, I’m on edge. What if someone sees us? He has an arm around my waist, it would seem obvious. We sit at a table, waiting for the food. Ashton still has a worried look on his face.

 

“Relax, Ashton. I’m fine. I’m not studying and I’m eating. There’s nothing to be worried about.” I tell him with a smile. We’re holding hands from across the table and it’s hard to believe that we haven’t spoken much in the past two weeks because of me.

We actually spent an hour and a half in McDonalds because I managed to totally forget about finals. For the first time in two weeks, I laughed so hard that I nearly peed my pants. When I got back home, I didn’t study; I fell asleep. Maybe Ashton was right about me studying too much. I need to find the balance between spending time with friends and studying for college so I can actually have fun.