Constricted Lies (Unedited and On Hold)

.: Chapter One - The Chicken or the Egg? :.

~ Dedicated to my friend, Zhanwen, for reading my stories!

.: Chapter One - The Chicken or the Egg? :.

School: the place that released me from my parents' grasps. I got ready, wearing one of my usual black outfits with little colour added. There was a time when I didn't wear black, a time when I didn't express myself and my life. That time was long gone, my identity was gone. Now, I only wore black for security, to show what my life is like and for my emotions. Fear and hate. I was condemned to a life where the primary goal was revenge.

I threw on a white singlet that was covered by a black, baggy, woolen, off-the-shoulder jumper; ripped, black skinnys; and black combat boots. My make-up was done the usual way Samantha did it for me and my ginger hair was tied up in a messy bun with a bow on the opposite side of my bangs. I guess this was as ready as I'll ever be for school.

I ran down the stairs and boy was I glad that my parents had gone out somewhere. I grabbed an apple as my portable breakfast and shouted to my siblings,

"Bye, Matthew! Bye, Lizzie! Don't be late!"

There was only one reply, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Miss Nerdypants."

I laughed at my sister's joke, even though it was pretty dry. Gotta love her humour. What humour? None. Exactly. Oh, gosh; I was talking to myself, again. I slammed the front door shut, before I started talking to myself, out loud.

While I walked, I wondered if Matthew would ever be the same as he used to be, before he blamed me for everything that happened on that night.

Sam.

Matt'll come back 'round in his own time. I'm sure of it. He'll go back to being the brother who didn't loathe me for something I regret every moment of my lonely existence. He'll be the brother who could never hate me for anything I did; well, that was a lie, he hated me for that night - the poor decision I made. Maybe, just maybe, he'll be the brother that was inseparable from all of his sisters, again... Really, who was I kidding? What I did - caused - was unforgivable; he had every right to hate me. But why do I feel so betrayed? Was it because this wasn't how she wanted us to be - fighting? Or will it be in my conscience, forever, filling me with guilt? None of them seemed like the right reason to all of the hatred he threw at me.

I finished my apple and threw the core into someone's garden - a good fertiliser - and continued walking to school.

School looked just the same as any other day: massive hordes of students filled the halls, making out at lockers, people surrounded by their cliques and others were invisible to the rest of the school - except to me, I saw all of them. I wanted to be invisible, like them, but because my reputation was built up at a young age, I was part of the 'popular crowd'. They were all fakes who wanted to get into each others pants, that was obvious to everyone. I hated that and I almost got what I wanted, after the night - I was classified as a loner by my ex-so-called-friends, instead of being invisible.

The day went on in a blur, lesson after pointless lesson. Why did I pretend that I wasn't smarter than the rest of them? Oh, right. That's because I didn't want to be called a nerd or a geek, which is way worse than being called a loner - in my opinion, of course.

Lunch flew by as I blocked out my friends' conversations - they all had a dark past that was equally bad or worse than mine.

"Are you okay?" Gabrielle asked, scrutinising me.

"Hm? Yeah, I am," I answered, automatically.

"'You sure?"

"Yes. I'm fine, Gabby. You don't need to worry about me."