Oh man do I have a lot to say. So on Father's Day I got to go to Six Flags with Jake. It was okay until I got a never ending lecture and then we opened a can of worms that really bothers me to talk about and ruined my mood for the rest of the stupid day. The day was a waste because we got stuck babysitting my dumb cousins the entire time and they decided to act up and be annoying. I got super drenched on a water ride and a slight sunburn. I only went on three rides the entire time we were there and I almost passed out. Leaving the park I almost got into someone else's car- EMBARRASSING!!!! Jake laughed at me. Throughout the ride home I complained about my drenched pants and he kept joking about me taking them off. I regret not freaking him out and taking them off but I'm a chicken... and plus- there's always next time ;) hahaha. Then he took me to dinner at Burger King and we joked about how i took all the pickles, onions, and tomato out of the Whopper. We also kept joking about my wet pants. THEN somehow we start talking about push up bras and I could not stop laughing at his reactions. OMG!!!! So that was my "mini date" as I like to think of it. He almost forgot to bring me home which would've been okay with me but whatever. When I got home and inside my room I cried because the day kinda sucked and blah blah blah... Today my phone decided to freeze and stop working, I learned it isn't fixable and I need a totally new phone but I don't really want one. Then my grandma and I drove past a place I use to live with, with my dad and his family.... My childhood home was bulldozed down and made into a cement factory which gave my family cancer and they died. I was fine until all of a sudden a dam inside me broke and I just started bawling my eyes out. It was horrible. All the memories I had are nothing now except memories and it really sucks. I would give everything to be able to go back and relive the past over and over again. To see my dad a few more times would be amazing. It's so sad- I'm starting to forget what he looked like and I have no pictures of him. That's the worst part- No the worst part is having to go through life without parents, Without the people who are supposed to live for a long time and give you lessons of advice, see you grow up, be grandparents. Usually I'm okay with all of this but today I'm not. Today I feel broken, lost and unfixable. I feel as if i'm stuck in quicksand and barely moving. Today I just want to live recklessly and not care. I just want to get away from my life and escape it for a little bit. This year my vacation sucks. I have no friends here, nowhere to go, nothing to do and now no phone. Life is just one big disaster to me and I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I'm sorry I complain so much but this is pretty much a book of whatever is on my mind at the time and the crap I go through. So thanks for reading. I hope all of you lovely people are doing well and have an amazing day or night :)
