True to Me//George Daniel

Chapter 20

"Don't say a word George." Ross immediately barks the minute I walk to the breakfast table in the restaurant of our hotel.

"Sorry Ross I didn't realise you controlled my verbal speech. Fuck off." I glare at him and he backs down, sighing and digging into his plate of bacon and sausage.

Although last night was nice, there's still one conversation which sticks in my mind which so happens to be the one I had with Matty before Ross was sick and we had to go home.
If he hadn't of been sick I'm not sure where that conversation would have gone considering both Matty and I were getting pretty het up, to the point even a fight could be the result of it.

"Well I feel like shit." Adam groans as he sips on the weakest cup of tea I've ever seen.

"No wonder you feel sick, did you even put a teabag in that you waste man." I scrunch my nose up and aggressively pull a chair out, collapsing tiredly into it.

Neither Adam or Ross say anything after that and it stays pretty much completely silent until Matty comes pacing down the stairs, his hair a moppy mess across his forehead and his eye bags visible from the other side of the room.

"Rough night eh?" Ross says and Adam chuckles.

"Oh wow you're so funny Ross." Matty rolls his eyes and sits down just as moodily as I did.

"What the fuck is that?" He points to Adams cup of tea and fakes a gag.

I might be slightly angry and confused with him but I can't help but laugh as Adam tries to defend his milky mess and the rest of us ignore him.

"Last night was mad, we drank so much, I haven't been like that in so long." Ross pipes up.

"Yeah, neither. God, we're getting old though, look at us all day here dead after one night out, back in the day we could go on a five day bender and we'd be up for it the next day. Madderz." I say, shaking my head at my forever consistent age.

"It wasn't only alcohol back in those days either." Ross jeers and Matty and I hum in agreement.

"Pills, Mushrooms, Coke, the lot and now what? One pint and I'm falling at my knees mate." I laugh and the rest join in.

A phone rings and Adam jumps up quicker than I can say his name and runs off into the other room to answer the call, no doubt that it's Caitlin.

"On that note, I need a piss." Ross says.

For the next few minutes Ross is gone there's nothing but a thick awkward tension between Matty and I and it's clear we both remember what happened last night.

He needs to see it from my perspective, for the first time since Kenny I've found this girl who I really get along with and she's also fit and all my friends are being unsupportive twats about it, how does he expect me to feel? I'm not gonna be jumping round in jubilation.
If somebody just told me what she did to hurt Kenny, I'd decide for myself whether I wanted to be friends with her or not, but instead everyone just decides things for me and I'm not having it, not when I have a chance at being happy.

"Why is this awkward then? Just because I don't like Charlie? You wouldn't either if you knew what-"

"What She did to Kenny? That's what you're gonna say right? In all honesty mate for a second let's look back at what Kenny did to me and remember I don't owe her shit. Yeah? Sick one." I cut Matty off and then push my chair back harshly, storming away without even eating breakfast first.

I can't stand when Matty acts like this, like he knows absolutely everything and is so much older than me. It pisses me off so much, to the extent where I could go and fuck Charlie right now just to annoy him even more.

"What's up with you?" Ross scoffs when I bump into him while dramatically storming away from the breakfast room.

"Shut up Ross, I'm not in the mood." I sigh and he lets out a frustrated scream, shocking me to the point of my mouth swinging open.

"What about me George? What if I'm not in the fucking mood? All you lot do is dismiss me as if I'm some sort of fucking puppy dog and I'm not! I'm so sick of everyone treating me so fucking shit!" He shouts, drawing attention to us from people around us in the lobby and making me raise my eyebrows.

"Woah woah woah, Ross what's going on?" I pull him aside and hold his shoulders, pulling him in for a tight and supportive hug when I notice the tears collecting at the bottom of his eyes.

I see Adam walk by and give me a look but I ignore it and watch him walk into the breakfast room behind us.

"I miss her George. How do you cope? Losing someone you love. It's even worse having to be around her, you know that?" He says, sitting down on the steps next to us that lead to some sort of staff room. I sit down next to him and lean my head in my hands.

"I know how you feel mate. And trust me it's shit and it will be shit for ages but eventually the pain just fades." I shrug and he sighs.

"Do you not miss her?" Ross questions.

"Everyday. I get you as well, it's worse when I'm around her because my mind flickers back to the memories we had together before all the shit happened and how good it was. It's the first time I've ever felt so...connected to someone. The first time I've ever loved someone. You'll never get over true love Ross, you just have to...move on." I say.

"She says that I'm not mature enough for her. Apparently she doesn't want a boyfriend who's irresponsible and unreliable. Sorry I'm on tour earning money to buy you things bitch." He bursts out and I can't help but start laughing at him.

"You don't need her mate. Millions of girls love you, quite literally." I smack his back and he laughs.

"Millions of girls love Matty George." He laughs again.

We both scoff at the fact we are literally just as good as Matty and then talk for a little bit about how exciting it will be to go back to England before we go to join the others in soundcheck.

After the show, when we arrive at the after party and the celebratory party for our last show of tour, I stand there listening to the crappy music and the typical conversations and can't help letting my mind drift slightly into a place I don't delve into very much.
The vault of Kenny.
The thoughts of her and everything that happened between us.
I miss Kenny all the time, I really do. It was definitely the best two years of my life even if it was the most uncertain and most definitely unexpected but she hurt me so badly. She cowered away from telling me the truth for so long and she hid from me when it finally came out. And as if I haven't forgotten she's still hiding things from me to this day. I can't even imagine what she could say now that will hurt more than reading that she doesn't love me. She doesn't love me. So why do I constantly put myself in situations where I love her?
I don't want to know what Charlie did because I know for a fact I'll take Kennys side and she doesn't deserve that.
Why can't I hate her?
It's infuriating, it honestly is. I never in my life thought I would get to this point with somebody. I avoid this vault exactly because of these thoughts. That flood through my brain and make me think these thoughts I shouldn't be thinking of. I'm happy in my bubble with Charlie because it takes me out of this constant place of denial and places me somewhere with someone who is just as broken and fucked up as me. I love that feeling. Why should I let it go? Why does Kenny deserve that from me? She doesn't.

"Save it. I don't want to know what she did to Kenny. I deserve happiness for once Matty." I say when he comes over and stands next to me, a bottle of champagne in his hand and a drunk smile on his face.

"I'm not about to rip that away from you George. The only reason I ever nag is because I love you." He shrugs.

"I know Matty. But nagging me doesn't help what I already know. I just want to stay in this bubble a little longer." I say, my voice almost a whine.

"Okay George, just don't get fucked over. Not again." He says and I sigh.

We lock pinky's and then hug to prove we're made up. I just hope I'm not preventing myself knowing something that could change everything. But I guess those are the decisions you have to make in life.