The Bad Boy Knows My Secret.

Fault is Ours

What in his right mind made him think that he can just come up and tell me we have to talk?! Like what is it that makes him look so angry that we have to discuss immediately?! Talk about me kissing another guy that isn't him? Or how I'm not hanging with him instead because I should be doing everything he says?! All because he has my diary, he thinks he can control me, and it makes me so angry!

"Talk about what? The fact that I have someone around beside you? Might as well speak about it right here, right now, right in front of Jer! Whatever you know eventually will be told to him soon anyways. I'll at least have a choice to tell him because I trust him and he isn't some douche who takes peoples things and use them as a advantage!" I was yelling like I haven't relieved any anger or stress in so many years. All those times of seeing him enjoy life without me and become a jerk off through out the many years making me fucking miserable.

I calm down and realize finally what I just said and the reaction I have received which was silence, a silence so deep no one could break it. I looked at Madigan who had a clenched jaw and flaring nostrils. He closed his eyes and a tear so small, no one could barely notice but me, slowly ran down his face. I looked at Jeremy who just looked at the ground while still holding my hand to try and keep me calm. He was avoiding eye contact with both of us because he knew it was something he probably shouldn't deal with until I tell him. He knows me like that, and that's why I like him.

"I tried so many times... to just talk to you and be your friend agai-" he started but I cut him off "You tried by being a huge jerk! By bullying me and pushing me around with your stupid friends and your slutty girlfriends you go through! Don't tell me you tried because you sure as hell did not!!!" I looked up at his face and saw the disappointment in it. He was disappointed and ashamed of himself, and I won't deny that he should be after everything he put me through.

"I just want you to...stay this time," he said after a moment of silence. "You pushed me away so long ago! I thought maybe one day you would speak up, out burst from all the mean things...just so you would say at least one thing back. As always...you sat there and let it happen. Once I got your diary and you started talking to me again, I was so happy. I didn't care if they were mean words or forced hangouts. I got to be around you like old times and I hoped everything would go back to normal! Of course it made me upset at how easy you let that Journey guy in!" "It's Jeremy-" "Shut up Jonathan," Madigan said and turned back to me.

He was right, part of this was basically my fault...I pushed him away and hurt him. I didn't want to but I thought it was my only option. I thought I couldn't trust anyone but my father, but I was completely wrong. I had Madigan, I just chose not to because I was a stupid little girl. I was thinking more for myself than how others would.

"...I'm sorry, Madigan." Madigan and Jeremy both looked at me in shock. Shoot, if I had a 3rd person point of view at my life; I definitely would be shocked too. "You're right, I did push you away...and I'm sorry. I thought I had no one to trust, because I was so scared of what was going on. I didn't want you or anyone to become part of it. That still gave you no right to do and say such horrible things to me." He looked back down and sighed.

"You're right. I was an idiot jock who fell in love with his best friend to just fuck it all over." My eyes widened once I heard the word. Jer's face was getting red and I didn't even have to look over to tell, of course he would be upset. He just admitted he liked me and got to kiss me...twice! I was upset too, not only the fact that he was a jerk and actually loved me, but the fact he had the fucking balls to just say that after everything that had happened or just been said.

I looked at Jeremy who was looking back at me. I sighed right before letting go of Jer's hand slowly and take a few steps forward. I could tell Jeremy was scared that I was leaving him for Madigan, but on the inside I think he knew I wouldn't.

Madigan's eyes twinkled with hope and it hurt me just to do this another time. I put both my hands on each side of his face and smiled with a tear trailing down my cheek. "That is something that can't happen right now...and probably never will," I whispered to him when I looked back at Jer who was anxiously biting his lip and had his arms crossed.

Madigan nodded and this time he didn't try hiding the hurt or pain in his eyes. Right as my hands slid off his face, he wrapped his arms around me and I actually hugged him back. "I won't stop trying, Elainea...though I'd still like to be your friend if that's possible," he whispered in my ear before letting go. I slightly smiled and nodded my head. I turned around to see Jer facing the other way and I went back to frowning. I immediately headed over towards him and hugged him from behind, "You didn't think I was going to go with him...did you?" He slightly chuckled as he scratched the back of his neck. "Honestly didn't know what you were going to do."

I smiled and turned to look at Madigan walking off with his hands in his pockets and kicking a rock. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but I like Jeremy and I don't think Madigan can just change that in a second. He did kind of make my high school years a living hell anyways...shouldn't it be that way? I wish my heart could just decide and tell me what it wants. (I want to screw a girl) Woahhhhh, okay not like that heart. I'm definitely straight, just maybe experiment one day.

I grab Jer's hand and we start walking back to the mall. I realized one thing I must do if I really do trust him. I must tell him the truth about me. "Jeremy...there's something I need to tell you when we get to my house." He looked at me with concern. "You never use my actual name so this must be really serious I'm guessing." I nodded my head and put my head on his shoulder as we walked. I hope I can really trust him.

When you guys really get eager and keep commenting to update is the only times I feel really motivated to write. You guys should do it more often. I might update more if you do.