Am I insane? // Dan Howell x reader au

Chapter 36. Shattering

"And suddenly, everything began to fall apart, to quickly to fix."
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(Small trigger warnings, just depressing conversation)
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I stayed in the room, laying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling contemplating what has happened. No matter how many times Daniel tried to knock on the door and ask if he could come in, I just ignored it. How could he just leave like that, no goodbye, no note, is he trying to destroy me?

And that's when it hit me, everything I held up just replayed itself in my head in the blink of an eye, he tried to kill himself, he wouldn't be here now if....if.....

I broke down into tears, sitting on the floor then leaning against a wall, I'm sick of this. I'm going crazy and everything I've done is eating me alive. I killed people, I killed two people that had actual lives, and family...now they're gone just like that. My eyes became red and puffy. My heart racing and my breath hitched.

dOnT wOrRy iM hErE nOw

I continued hyperventilating as I didn't know what was happening. I was shaking and scared, I- I don't deserve to live anymore after what I did, "I killed people!" I yelled out loud which was meant to be said inside my mind.

Daniel walked in, opening the door quickly then seeing me on the floor laying against the wall, he ran down and put his hands on my shoulder in attempt to calm me down, "y/n, it's okay I'm here." He whispered calmingly but I wouldn't listen.

"No!" I yelled hitting Daniel's arm away, "don't touch me!" I scoffed back as I looked at him in fear, as If he was a different person. I don't know what kicked into me, but it wasn't good.

I broke down into tears as I began to put my face in my knees, and put my arms around my knees as well, covering my face as I was to embarrassed for Daniel to see my like this. "I just wanna die." I mumbled as I tried holding in my tears breathing heavily. I was feeling worthless, I mean is this what my life has come to? It's not like I even have anything to live for, what to just get caught and thrown into jail, or a mental asylum? Ironic isn't it?

Daniel looked up at me and stayed silent, quietly pitying me just for being in the room. "Y/n..." dan said softly as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in, "I made a promise, a promise in which I attend to keep, I promised that I wouldn't let anything hurt you, not even yourself-" he began to say until I exploded.

"No! You can't promise something you can't keep. Do you seriously think we're gonna make it?! We barley made it out of the last one!" I yelled now shaken and angry at myself for being so stupid to listen to him. "Just go." I whispered as I tried to wipe the tears away from my face but failed as they just kept falling.

Daniel sighed, and without saying a word grabbed his bag from the floor and walked out leaving me alone with my thoughts.
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(After this, should I make a Phan fiction? Because I really want too)