Am I insane? // Dan Howell x reader au

Chapter 34. Mindless thoughts

"In their last moments, people often tend to show who they really are."
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"Hey Philly." I smiled as I saw him starring into the fire and admiring it.

His head shot over as he heard my voice,
"(Y/N!)" he yelled while jumping away from the fire and walking over to me and giving me a hug.

He then let go as he looked up in worry, "wait..where's dan at?"

I gave a small smile, "he said he had to take care of something, he'll be back in a minute." I explained as I rubbed my hand in Phils hair messing it up.

"Oh okay." He giggled as he poked his tongue out then ran back over to the fire and grabbed  stuffed bear off the couch taking it with him.

I smiled as I saw phil run along, it just showed how adorable he was.

But my thoughts were distracted as I heard a loud bang, it was as if something banged on the cabin wall.

"Shit." I mumbled as I ran out the cabin, I looked around and saw nothing, but it sounded like it came from behind the house so I decided I should check there.

I slowly walked around and then just slowly poked my head as I reached the corner to the back of the house. I saw dan laying his back against the wall of the cabin, sitting down as his legs were laid out in front of him.

There was something in his hand though that I couldn't really see, he was mumbling to himself, so quietly I couldn't hear what he was saying. His hand slowly started to go up as I saw a metal gun in dans hand. My eyes opened wide in shock as my mouth slowly fell open, he placed it next to his head and thaen when I ran out from the corner, "NO STOP!" I yelled as my hand went out in reach for him.

He quickly aimed the gun at me as he jumped back, then he sighed as he realised it was only me.

"Dan what the hell were you doing?" My voice became hitched.

He stood up looking emotionless as he avoided eye contact with me, "nothing." He said bluntly as he tried to walk past me yet I stood in front of him to where he couldn't leave.

"(Y/n) I'm not in the mood for games right now, just get out of my way." He demanded as he looked me in the eyes making me feel chills down my back.

"No. Why the fuck were you holding a gun to your head?!" I asked, not trying to seem mad but the emotions running threw me was uncontrollable.

Dans looked away from me, I thought he was trying to avoid eye contact, but I grabbed his arm and pulled it towards me to were he was forced to look into my eyes, but he had tears in his, and he started breathing heavily.

I let go of him and took a step back in shock,
Pulling my arm back. He began to cry, and I was stood frozen because I didn't know what to do, I've never seen him like this, and he's been hiding and keeping this inside for so long, it was probably eating him alive.

Tears started forming in my eyes as dan started to mumble the words 'I'm sorry.'

Without saying anything I quickly wrapped my arms around him tightly and embraced him, "dan.." I mumbled into his shoulder as I began to cry as well, "please don't leave me.." I whispered.

He let go of the hug, "I'm not right for you
(y/n), I'm a fucking psychopath! I kidnapped you and you would still care if I died? Why?!" He asked, tears running down his face.

I looked at him in pity, as he fell on his knees to the ground. He was broken, and I didn't know how to react to his sudden outburst.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm losing my fucking mind over you, and- and.." he began to say until he checked on his own words.

"I'm just so scared that I'm going to hurt you.." he said trying to catch his breath.

I kneeled down on my knees and began to wipe the tears away from dans face, my arms went around him again. Then I let go as I kissed his lips and stood up pulling him up with me.

"Dan, you can't leave, as specially when we're so close to being permanently free, please don't go. I can't lose you." I said while holding onto dans arms and looking at him straight into his eyes.

He took a deep breath and nodded, as he walked past me pushing me away slightly as he went inside.

I sighed and put my hand threw my hair in frustration, I walked over and picked the gun up from the floor. I sat down as I tried to comprehend what just happened, it kept playing back again and again in my mind like a record. I couldn't imagine him actually doing it, and the fact that he was close scares me more then anything.

I looked down at the gun in my hand and shook my head, "why?" I mumbled to myself as I was too deep in thought to keep my mind quiet.

I took a deep breath before standing up and walking inside the house, placing the gun in Chris's back pack instead and walking over to me and dans room, to my surprise dan was in bed, but I knew he wasn't sleeping. I walked over to the bed, my hands were still shaking out of anxiousness. But I got in the covers and wrapped my arms around dan.

"I'm sorry.." he mumbled to me as he was half asleep, I sighed and closed my eyes as I began to fall asleep.