COMPLETED // i don't want to hurt anymore - enoch o'connor x reader

Chapter 26 - Broken

(Y/N)'s P.O.V

I fled to my room and flung myself, admittedly rather dramatically, onto my bed, after slamming the door shut. I cried quietly into my pillow for about half an hour, and then stopped, because my tears had all dried up and my throat was starting to throb painfully. I rolled over onto my back and stared at the plastered ceiling.
As I watched, I noticed something dripping from a patch just near the lampshade. One drop fell onto my nose, and, for some reason, just that triggered me again, and I started to sob uncontrollably.

It was due to my sobbing that I didn't hear footsteps outside my door, or see the slim, dark figure enter my room. I only realised that there was another life-form in the room when I felt his arms encircle my body, and his heartbeat press close to mine.
"Shh," Enoch whispered softly, stroking and gently kissing my hair. "Shh... It's okay, (Y/N). It's okay."
I pushed him off me and punched him in the chest, making him wince and lean backwards. "Don't you tell me it's okay, Enoch O'Connor..." I said through my tears. "How come you never told me? Why didn't you ever mention what year it was?"
"(Y/N), I just didn't want you to be hurt!"
"No, Enoch, if you truly wanted that, you'd tell me. You'd tell me that it was time for me to go back to my family, to continue with my life."
"(Y/N), please try and understand. It's not safe for you out there. You know that the Bird would make you stay, anyway. There was no - "
"I can survive by myself! I don't need Mother Hen down there sitting on me or... Or anyone else, for that matter! I know you're lying. Tell me the real reason."
"Fine!" Enoch yelled. "Fine. I didn't tell you, because I didn't want you to do what I know you're going to do now. I didn't want you to leave me, (Y/N), because you are by far the best bloody thing that has happened to me in my entire life."
"Enoch, of course I'd come back and - "
"It wouldn't be the same, and you know it! You would go out into the modern world, and for a short time, yes, you would visit. And we would write letters, and you'd tell me how much you loved me, and I'd tell you how much I loved you. And then, just years later, you'd find someone else. And marry them. And have kids, and grandkids. And then you'd - " He choked back a sob - " - and then you'd pass away. And I would never see you again. And I'd be broken."
I stared at his anguished face, and I knew that he was telling the truth. He loved me, truly, truly loved me. He wanted us to be together forever, and what scared me was that... I felt the same. Sure, I had the option to leave, and, at the moment, I felt that I needed to. But I would have to come for Enoch... Because I physically couldn't survive without him.
But, sitting in this room with the person I was wholly in love with, I felt so confused. So I said possibly the most stupid thing I could muster.
"I... I think we should - should take some time. So I can... So I can sort everything out."
Enoch had been sitting with his head in-between his hands, but now he lifted his head to look up at me disbelievingly.
"So you're saying we should break up," he said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. I shook my head wildly. "No - no, that's not what I meant... I mean..."
He brushed me off dismissively and disappointedly. "It is what you mean. It's okay. I was going to have to get over you one day, anyway. Better to get it over with now," he lied. I saw the pain in his eyes and wanted then, at that very moment, to hug him. To hold him forever and ever and never let go. But I couldn't. Because then he was standing up tiredly, and then he was walking out of the room; and I so desperately wanted to call his name, but my throat wouldn't work. And then he was gone. Even though I knew I'd see him at lunch, it felt like that was that. Like he was out of my life forever.
And I hated that feeling.