From Me to You [Complete]

78

I stare at the letter for a second, feeling tears in my eyes. A breeze ruffles the page underneath my fingers. This letter proves to me just how much more I need to know about Michael before we ever have sex. I turn to him, seeing his eyes on me. I have no idea what to say. Slowly, he reaches out and touches my hand on the page. I watch as I turn my hand over, and allow his fingers to interlock with mine.

"Hey," he says. He tilts my chin up to look at him. He smiles softly at me.

"Hey," I say back, my face crinkling into a smile. It makes a tear pop out and slide down my cheek. He brushes it away with his thumb. I swallow. "I don't know what to say," I say sincerely. He looks at me, and I can't believe what I just read. "Michael, this girl. She was awful to you." He nods solemnly, and I realize exactly how hard it was for him to share that with me. "Thank you for telling me about...what happened with her," I say hesitantly, although I am sure I'll need time to really understand it all.

"You deserved to know," he says seriously. I look back down at the words. Now I know what he deserves to know. The guilt inside of me feels so strong that it might consume me.

"Michael, I'm so sorry about leading you on," I say, unable to meet his eyes. Another tear escapes,

"You did not lead me on," he says firmly. His hand leaves my cheek, and I look up at him, feeling like I just handed him a piece of myself. "I pushed you into a situation that wasn't fair to you." He stops speaking, watching my eyes. For once I can read his expression clearly. He looks sad, but like it's something he deserves to be sad about.

"I should have explained what was wrong. I'm sorry that I didn't even try before leaving yesterday." I say finally, my eyes falling back to our hands. "I was just scared that you..." I trail off.

He squeezes my hand. "I'm sorry I scared you," he says sincerely. "I wish I could take that back."

"I don't." I look him in the eyes. "I think it taught me a thing or two about what I'm ready for and what I'm not."

His mouth quirks on one side. "Still. It wasn't fair for me to plan something like that out."

I raise my eyebrows. "You were planning that out?"

He pulls away a bit, suddenly defensive, unsure. "Yea... I thought you figured that out. I mean, I came prepared."

That makes me laugh suddenly, realizing how much thought he put into our last night together. "You did come prepared." He eyes me, and I wonder if he thinks I'm angry about it. I don't say anything for a second, because it feels like the piece of myself that I just gave to him is safe now. The guilt that I've been trying to hold inside of me finally feels like it's gone. But then I sigh, realizing what we really need to discuss. "So I guess we should probably talk about, you know, what we are ready to do."

He smiles at me gently. "Agreed."

I take a deep breath. "Okay, well, I think from your letter it's sort of clear that you want to...go all the way."

His face gets serious again. "Yes. But as I said, we can wait as long as you want."

"Thank you for understanding that." I squeeze his hand.

He turns back to my notebook. "It seems to me that you want to wait until we get to know each other better." I smile at him. His eyes meet mine. "Thank you for being so honest... About everything." I nod at him. "I hope..." he takes a deep breath, "I hope you know that I want to hear what you're feeling. Even if you have to stop and write it down if it's too hard to say out loud." I laugh, feeling a little silly about the visual that gives me. "I mean it," he says sincerely. "Anything you ever don't feel okay with. Or you don't know how to say."

"Okay," I say sincerely, feeling so much gratitude toward him. "Thank you." Now that the initial shock of seeing him is wearing off, I realize what I was doing before he got here. "Oh damn," I say suddenly. "I gotta go call Izzy back. She's probably really worried about me." He raises an eyebrow. "I was on the phone with her before you came, and I was...kind of upset..." He nods, not needing to hear more, which I am thankful for. He shuts my notebook and slips it under one arm, then stands, holding a hand to me to pull me up. I take it, clutching the envelope and the letter in my other hand.

"Come on in," I say, heading to the door. He follows me inside, slipping off his shoes, as I walk to the kitchen.

"Is anyone else home?" he asks warily, standing just inside the door.

"No," I say. "I'm...grounded right now, so I couldn't go to the anniversary party. And Andy went to some party himself so..."

"You're grounded, eh?" Michael asks.

I purse my lips. "Yea...Joe told my mom that we snuck out..." Michael's eyes widen. "But like, she doesn't know anything that happened." I flush, and feel a little guilty again about lying so much. "Anyway," I say turning away before he can notice the look in my eyes. "You can wait here." I gesture to the table. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Nah, I'm okay." He smiles at me and slides into the chair I was occupying earlier. I take a second to admire him sitting in a chair here at home. I take the phone off of the wall, and start to dial Izzy's number, then I turn back to him, setting the phone on the counter beside me.

"I forgot something."

Helooks at me quizzically. I walk over to him and rest a hand on either side ofhis face, then I lean down and kiss him.