From Me to You [Complete]

64

Slowly, Michael pulls off his shirt and places it on the pile. We are back to being naked, only this time we are a lot closer together, and it's really leading somewhere. The moon pops out from behind a cloud, giving both of us a quick glimpse of each other under moonlight. The butterfly in my stomach still flies around, and my breath is fast. My hands shake as he turns back toward me, and I place them on his shoulders.

Michael's hands are on either side of my face, and our eyes meet. He kisses me deeply, and the way I return it makes the butterfly stumble in its flight. I want him too. One of my hands runs down Michael's back, feeling its contours as goosebumps follow in my wake. He shivers under my touch, and tangles his fingers into my hair, holding me to him. Slowly our bodies are moving together, both of us accommodating the other to fit together more comfortably. The butterfly comes back, as Michael's hands slide over my skin, touching and feeling parts of me that no one ever has.

It feels easier to kiss while he touches me, a little less intimidating than seeing his eyes on me, so I don't break our lip contact. His knees brush against mine, and even though it's happened before, it's like a new contact between us now that we are naked. His hand explores my chest again, gripping my breasts, making me tremble. Michael carefully inches himself up and on top of me without breaking contact. I gasp as his body touches mine down its length. His skin is warm, his body powerful in this position. My heart speeds up even more, as his lips leave mine to trail kisses down my neck and across my chest. I gasp, and he looks up at me in the darkness. We both breathe heavily, staring into each other's eyes in the darkness. His eyes are intense on me, and I start to wonder if this is what he thinks about every time they are.

"I have something," Michael says roughly. He reaches with one hand to rummage in the pile of clothes beside us. I watch him silently, not sure what to say or do.

In the dark it's hard to tell how it all happens, but Michael seems efficient and sure. I hear the tear of plastic, and Michael leans back on his heels –part of me is extremely thankful that he has the presence of mind to be safe about all of this. There's a quick sound of something being shifted, and then Michael leans back over me. I stare at him, feeling like I might have stopped breathing. A strong wind comes suddenly, and Michael has to shift to hold himself steady.

I have no idea what to expect, but my heart continues to speed up, as Michael leans down to kiss me again. My hands feel sweaty against his skin. His hand runs down my side, leaving goosebumps behind. I'm glad my eyes are closed since I don't think I could go through with it if we were staring at each other. His hand brushes over my thigh, and I tremble, feeling like I can't breathe. But I need to breathe. I need to breathe right now.

"Wait," I say breathily, as Michael's hand reaches its destination, suddenly understanding how much I need to get away. I pull back and stare at Michael in the dark, seeing his eyes on me, slightly unfocused. My heart keeps pounding, and my breath is coming quickly. "This isn't ..." I trail off. I feel like my brain is mushy, unable to form thoughts very well.

Michael seems frozen, his eyes slightly glazed, his breath haggard. While he is kind of incapable of moving, I push him gently off, and he falls to my side, catching himself before he gets too sandy.

I stand up, my body moving before my brain can really think it through. I find my clothes, and hit them with my hands to get some sand out of them. Then I start trying to brush the sand off of myself, which is all over, and sticking to me. The wind is cold now that Michael's body isn't keeping me warm.

"Did I..." Michael's voice is raspy. He clears his throat, as I turn to him. My hands find the right article of clothing and I start quickly getting dressed. "Amanda..."

"I should go," I say, feeling dazed and confused.

"Amanda, are you okay?" Michael asks. The concern in his voice is very genuine. He reaches out to grab my hand, as I finish pulling my sweatshirt over my head.

"We can't... We can't have sex, Michael! What on earth were we thinking?" I cry out, taking my fear out on him in anger. I let go of his hand. All I can think is that I need to get away from here, because being here makes it impossible to think properly. "How do I get back to the cottage?" I ask him roughly. I should have paid attention when we came here earlier.

"Wait, let me get dressed. I'll go with you," he says, starting to stand. The sounds of helplessness, concern, and fear in his voice are strong.

"No." I say with conviction. I step back from him so that I don't lose my trail of thought. He stares at me in the dark, half standing up.

"Amanda, I..." his voice breaks. I feel like something inside of me breaks too.

"No, don't," I say stubbornly, not allowing myself time to reconsider, but feeling my voice breaking now. "I'll figure it out." I turn from him, roughly shoving my feet into my flip flops.

My legs carry me quickly from him, and I start to recognize the area I'm in, as I get closer to the pathway. The sand is slippery to run on, and I am having trouble staying upright. I realize that I'm crying, and I wipe my eyes, trying not to get more sand in them than there already is. My breath is coming too fast, and I realize I need to slow down, or I might faint. I try to calm down, slowing my breathing and my pace. I look behind me, but there's no one there, so I have no idea if Michael is following me or not. The street is empty, and the cottages along it are dark. I try to focus on getting back to the cottage, but then slow down as I realize I have no idea what might be waiting for me when I get there.

When I turn up the driveway, I slow to a walk, just in case Andy is waiting outside to catch me, or someone has noticed I'm missing. I don't want them to think anything is wrong. I try to calm down, taking deep breaths. I wipe my eyes, glad that my tears are slowing down. The cottage is dark as I walk up to it, and I breathe a sigh of relief. At least I won't have to deal with any upset parents tonight. I hope the backdoor is still unlocked, as I jog around the side of the cottage. The backyard is eerily empty in the moonlight, and I slowly walk up the stairs, knowing I need to be quiet so that I don't wake anyone up. I pause at the top of the stairs, taking a second to rub off the rest of the sand that's stuck to me, and shake it out of my hair as well. It's windy enough that this sand should fly away before anyone notices it in the morning.

As quietly as possible, but with a few sniffles, I slide the door open. I slip inside, carefully taking off my flip flops. I realize I have a big blister on one toe from running with them on. I look around, seeing if anything seems suspicious, but the cottage is dark and quiet. I think someone is snoring in the hallway. I make my way across the floor, hoping that I don't wake anyone up. I take off Michael's sweatshirt, not sure how to feel about it, but knowing I don't want to sleep in it. I fold it into something unrecognizable and push it underneath the couch bed, so that no one will likely see it in the morning. Methodically, I take out the pillows, cushions and clothing from under the sheets and put them back where they are supposed to go, including quickly swapping my attire for pyjamas –which are far drier and less sandy. I throw my clothes under the bed beside Michael's sweatshirt. I haven't really got any tissues handy, and I'm not sure where to find them in the dark, so I wipe my sleeve across my eyes and nose.

I tuck myself underneath the covers, glad that it's warm in here. Then I hear the back door open. I freeze, and close my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart, and breathe a little more quietly. The door closes swiftly, and I hear soft footfalls across the floor. They stop at the railing above the couch. If I opened my eyes I would look right at him. I have no idea what to say to him right now. I feel like this whole thing was a dream. One that started out good and turned sour. I keep my eyes closed. After what seems like an eternity, but must be no more than a minute, the footfalls return, walking away. There's the smallest of clicks as a door opens and closes, and then the cottage is silent again. Except for what I can now tell is my dad snoring.

I exhale, still breathing quickly. My body and mind are exhausted, and I don't want to think about anything right now. This night was going to be perfect, but then we... A tear trickles down my cheek, as the feelings of confusion and guilt and disappointment pass over me. I close my eyes, and turn to bury my face into the pillows. I hug myself, feeling naked even though I'm not. Knowing that I was naked minutes ago. I let myself fall asleep, putting off thinking about what happened a little longer. Maybe it will all seem better tomorrow.