Diana (Z.M.)

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Better

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Diana's P.O.V. 2012

      Things were going too well. I knew that she would come back. I knew I wasn't strong enough to fight her off for too long. I stay huddled on the hospital bed, arms locked around my knees. I refused to eat the meal so they had to inject some type of nutritional replacement into my IV. I screamed in refusal and even tried to shove some of the nurses away but they wouldn't listen. Once they injected the food in, I became silent. No one could get a word out of me and it was going to stay that way. They didn't deserve it. 

      I shiver in my own grasp and exhale. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why should I want to get better? I'm finally skinny. I remember the nurse who weighed me. When she looked at the number, 98, she frowned; but I couldn't have been happier. I finally broke 100. But, I'm sure I've gained it all back. I've been eating so much since I've gotten here. Nearly 1000 calories a day. I could practically feel the fat on my bones. 

      The door creaks open and I don't look up. They don't deserve attention either. How dare they try to destroy your beauty?  "Diana, what's going on. I thought we were making progress?" I look up at Zayn and shrug. 

       "I just can't do it. I'm not going to go back to the way I was before." 

      Zayn sinks into the bed and plays with his thumbs nervously. "You don't have to. Eating a thousand calories a day will not make you fat. You have to realize that. You said it yourself, just yesterday. What happened to that?" 

      I came back.

      I shrug. "I don't know, all I know is I can't." 

      Zayn groans in frustration and stands up, chucking one of the pillows across the room. "Damn it Diana, do you want to get better?" I know it's a rhetorical question, but it doesn't stop me from answering. 

      "I don't know; maybe." 

      Zayn exhales and calms down; returning back to his place beside me. He places his hand on my back and rubs it gingerly. "Why?" 

     "I don't have anyone. Everyone says they're there for me, but they really aren't. My parents hardly visit."

      "You have me. Why isn't that enough?" 

      I look up and finally meet his eyes. Our eye color is so similar its almost like looking in the mirror; except his eyes still have traces of life in them. Its obvious he's trying to hold back tears. I reach out and brush away a stray tear on his cheek. 

      "Don't cry over me. You are enough; the problem is I'm not." 

      Zayn clasps his hand over mine and smiles weakly at me. "If only you knew that you are. You're more than enough and just because a couple of stupid boys couldn't see your worth doesn't mean you don't have any." 

      Zayn brings my hand into his lap and strokes the back of it. My hand looks so small and frail in his strong one. "I want to help you, but I honestly don't know how to." I stare at our hands for a bit, not really deep in thought but still thinking. How can he help me when I don't even know where to begin? How do I start getting better when I want to but she doesn't. How can I reach for someone's hand for help when I have to grip onto my own sinking and thrashing boat? I feel tears well up in my eyes and the heat of pain well in my chest.

      "I want to get better-" I choke out before I start sobbing. 

      He wraps his arms around me and holds me to his chest and I cry; soaking his t-shirt. He rocks me back and forth and I'm able to choke out the rest. "I just don't know how I can." Zayn places his chin on the top of my head and exhales in a shaky breath. 

      "Well, that's what I'm here for. When I told you I want to help, those just aren't words. I want you to be whole again." 

      He continues to hold me tight against his chest, and we remain in silence. I sigh, finally calm and lean away from him; brushing the tears away from my eyes. "Thank you. I'm sorry for being like this. I used to be a much more fun person to be around." I chuckle darkly; trying to even remember myself before this. I was just Diana who loved to play soccer and had a crush on my neighbor. Now, I don't really know who I am. 

       "Well when you get better we will have to hang out so I can see the real Diana." I nod but nervousness swells inside me. Would he like the real me? Zayn adjusts himself on the bed and lays back to relax, reaching over to grab the tv remote. As he flicks through the channels, the room door opens and someone steps in. I look over and I am met with a tan skinned boy with a bright smile. I raise up in shock and Zayn notices my movement. He looks over to the boy. 

       "Oh, hi. Um, who are you?"

      I'm in such shock I am surprised I can even speak. 

      "Luis?"

*Author's Note*

DUDE I AM SO EXCITED I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS! Sorry for the cliff hanger but I am so excited! I apologize for taking so long but the next part will be up by next week. Thank you for everything and all the love! 

-Shelby