Diana (Z.M.)

Chapter Thirty-Six: Word Therapy

Chapter Thirty-Six

Diana's P.O.V. 2012

      "Seriously, what muck is this?" Zayn stirs the applesauce with a plastic spoon, a look of disgust on his face. I giggle softly and take the applesauce from his hand. 

      "It's organic, all natural applesauce or something like that. Supposed to be the lowest sugar." I explain, not able to hide the smile at his reaction. 

      "Well, I would rather have the artificially made, delicious applesauce rather than this mess." He answers matter-of-factly. Slowly, I take a bite of it and force myself to swallow the sludge. I've been eating a little more but it kills me with every bite I take. However, I can't leave until I'm eating at least 1,000 calories again. When I first heard the number I cried, but I'm slowly moving my way up there. With every step I take, though, I hate myself more and more. 

      "It's not that bad," I lie. Gulping down the sickeningly sweet mush. "But stop changing the subject. You said you'd tell me about your past in exchange for mine." 

      Zayn sighs, and leans forward in his seat, folding his hands in his lap. His whole body language changes and I wonder if he is really willing to expose his past to me. Why would he care that much for me? 

      "Fine, we did have a deal. I'll give you a story and then you give me one." He looks up, making eye contact, assuring that I understand the agreement. I nod and he inhales deeply, continuing. "Well, I never really was bullied but I did deal with depression. When my parents split up, I blamed myself. I thought that I had done something to make them argue so often." He pauses and licks his dry lips. 

      "I would listen to them fight, and sometimes I would hear my name. I figured that they were trying to decide which one would take me." He smiles sadly in remembrance and I feel a twinge of guilt. I know he's just trying to connect with me more and make me trust him. If I could trust easier and stop being so guarded he wouldn't be doing this. 

      "You don't have to finish," I interrupt. He looks up, teary eyed. It's obvious he's never really talked to anyone about his childhood before. 

      "No, it's okay. I want to help and I feel like this might help me, too." I nod in understanding and he goes on. 

      "So, when they did finally divorce, I was left with my mum. I felt like I was such a burden to her, like she didn't want me. I eventually became depressed and felt like no one wanted me. But, she was never the one to actually tell me she didn't want me and I never had problems making friends. I was attacking myself. I was the one to blame for how I was feeling. You know, worthless." 

      He exhales loudly, signaling that he is finished. I don't know why, but I reach out and grab his hand. I realize how tiny and bony mine is in comparison to his. "Do you still feel worthless sometimes?" I ask, knowing that this is a touchy subject. He doesn't reply verbally. He just looks up and makes eye contact with me and I can still see the pain in his eyes. Maybe he wasn't bullied like I was. Maybe he didn't have people who constantly told him how awful he was. But, he did go through a situation similar to mine and that gives us a stronger connection with each other than anyone else. 

      "You know, you don't need to feel that way," I begin. "I know I don't know you that well but I know for sure you aren't worthless. You travelled half-way around the world for a random girl. You're worth more than you know." 

      He smiles, a wide and bright smile and I find it to be contagious. He places his other hand on top of mine and caresses the back of my hand with his thumb. "Thank you. You know you aren't either. Everything those people have said are lies. People who tear you down are usually jealous and want to be like you." 

      I scoff. "Yeah, right. I'm sure they want to be a short, chubby, an-"

      "No," he reprimands. "If you want to get better you need to speak to yourself the way you would want people to speak to you. You need to love yourself before you look out for anyone else." I swallow hard, knowing what he says is true. I always give my all to others before even considering what is best for myself. 

      "Fine. I'll try." 

      "Good, now," he says grabbing the hospital menu. "Let's get you something that doesn't look like toxic waste."

Author's Note

Hey guys! It's been a while since I've updated but here's a chapter for you! I am so happy that Diana is starting to think more positively and more highly of herself. I cannot even explain how grateful I am for all of your support. Please, vote, comment, follow, and share this story. I know I have a lot of reads and readers, but I don't really get a lot of votes and comments. I wish you guys the best and I will talk to you soon!

-Shelby x